


HCE

by FassyAnon



Series: SuperCap [2]
Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Chris Evans - Fandom, Henry Cavill - Fandom
Genre: Dirty Talk, Double Penetration, Fluff, Henry still has a dirty mouth, Multi, Paris - Freeform, Romance, Threesome - F/M/M, a sassy Jules, all kinds of relationships, and a vacation, and maybe, and there's a blowjob, but also there'll be some, condom usage, relationships, who has a dirty mouth? that would be Henry, who wouldn't love Paris
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 22:26:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 74,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3872014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FassyAnon/pseuds/FassyAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jules Roman decided to get to know both Chris and Henry. She knew it would be tough, she just didn't know how tough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was just over three weeks after they parted that Henry was in Los Angeles. He’d already had a series of meetings scheduled to take place after his job finished. Originally, he’d only planned on being in town for a few days, but now that he had a reason to stick around he rearranged his schedule. His next obligation was a little over three weeks out. He wanted to spend as much time with Jules as he could, assuming that they enjoyed spending time with each other. He’d meant what he’d said: he really wanted to get to know Jules.

They’d been exchanging emails and had been on Skype, getting to know one another. He’d learned that Jules really needed coffee in the morning, especially if she hadn’t slept well the night before, which was most nights. He learned that she hadn’t been lying: she really did get cranky when she was hungry.

He also learned that she was a real softie. He found her to be incredibly empathetic and the plights of others affected her. There were several times that he’d called, only to catch her with tears in her eyes, having just read some story about a family having difficulty. She was always embarrassed by it. He wanted to reach through his laptop and wipe her tears away.

When he got to town he contacted Jules. He wanted to see her as soon as he got there, but she delayed their meeting. She normally planned for the worst, in this case, the worst would be neither of them wanting to be out of the presence of the other, wanting to be near each other at all times. He had a couple of days of meetings and interviews and she scheduled all that she possibly could for early that week as well. Margo, her agent, was trying to get her to come out for her annual week in New York but Jules was doing what she could to put her off. She knew that her time with Henry was limited. It was hell, but she made it through those jam-packed days.

Thursday was when they planned to meet. Jules insisted that they meet at a restaurant. She didn’t want to rip his clothes off and take him to bed immediately upon seeing him. That wasn’t entirely true. It was _exactly_ what she wanted. She simply wanted to resist that urge, start to get to know him in person, and seeing him in public would definitely help her resist her urges.

She chose a restaurant within walking distance of her house. If things went well, they could be home in no time. And if, for some unforeseen reason it didn’t go well? She could easily walk home alone.

She was incredibly nervous as she got ready. She’d changed her mind so many times on what to wear: dress, skirt, or slacks; heels or flats; pumps or sandals; hair up or down. She decided at the last minute on her favorite 1950s vintage sundress with three shades of pink flowers and three shades of green leaves. Paired with her light pink and gold sandals and she just might be tall enough to look him in the mouth. She kept her makeup natural, opting for a pink-tinted lip balm rather than lipstick.

When she checked the time she realized she’d be late if she didn’t get moving. She ran a brush through her hair, for that was all the time she had, grabbed her clutch, sandals, and sweater and was out the door.

It wasn’t that long of a walk, but Jules kept her shoes off just the same. When she was a block and a half away, she stopped and put them on. She also took a few breaths and steadied her nerves. She checked the time and silently cursed. She despised being late. She almost pulled her phone out to send a text to let him know she was on her way. Almost. By the time she would have done that, she was at the door to the restaurant. She stepped inside and approached the hostess.

“Hi, Susan. I’m supposed to be meeting someone here.”

“Oh, he’s definitely here. He got here early and he’s been eyeballing that door, waiting for you to show and don’t look now, but he’s on his way over. By the way, you look absolutely gorgeous tonight, Jules.”

“Thank you, that’s so kind of you.”

“He is almost here. Get ready.”

She felt his hand on her elbow and she took a deep breath before turning to him.

Her breath caught in her lungs. It never had a chance of escaping. And she knew she wouldn’t be escaping him anytime soon, either.

How he could look so casual, so at ease, so at home, and so devastatingly handsome in a suit, she couldn’t imagine.

“Henry, you look-”

“No, not anywhere close to how lovely you are, darling.” As he was bending to kiss her, he noticed the hostess watching them and quickly diverted to kiss Jules’ cheek. He lingered, for a moment. “If people weren’t watching, I’d be giving you a proper kiss hello, Jules. I’ve missed you.”

“And I you.” She leaned ever so slightly into him and he slowed his retreat. He took hold of her hand and led her back to the table, helping her into the booth before sitting across from her. The waiter came over and she ordered her usual Bay Breeze and had her drink in a flash. The waiter told them the specials and they ordered. When he left them, it was the first chance they had to be in each other’s presence without someone else around and things felt a bit awkward before Jules started the conversation.

“Did you find the restaurant okay? What’s with that grin?” Jules couldn’t help but smile back at Henry and his twinkly eyes.

“I have something to confess.”

“Already with confessions. I don’t know if this bodes well for your visit. Okay, out with it, Cavill.”

“I’ve been here for a few hours.”

“Hours? Susan said you were here early, but hours?”

“No, not here at the restaurant, just here in town.”

“Why? Didn’t you have other things to do?”

“I got everything done last night. I ran this morning, worked out, got back to my hotel and, truth be told, I couldn’t wait to see you. I got ready and came down early. I’ve been here for a few hours, walking around, but it felt awkward with my tie on. I felt out of place, so dressed up.”

“What, you didn’t think to take off your jacket or waistcoat?”

“I did, I had them off for a while, but when I came back to the restaurant, I put them back on. I wanted to be properly dressed for you. I have my tie in my pocket if you want me to put it on.”

“That’s very sweet. I’m sure it looks good with, but I rather like the look without the tie.”

“You do?”

“Yes, Henry, and at the risk of stating the blatantly obvious, you are a rather handsome man. I cannot imagine you not looking scrumptious. Oh, a double-negative.” She felt her cheeks getting hot so Jules knew she was blushing, but she didn’t care.

Henry made it worse.

“You, my dear, look good enough to eat.”

Wanting to get off the topic as quickly as possible, Jules came up with the only thing she could.

“So, here’s the thing. I’ve never asked you about your work because I don’t want you to think that’s why I’m interested in you. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am interested in your work. But if you don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want you to-”

“Jules?”

“What?”

“Are you trying to ask me how my day was without sounding like that’s all you want to talk about?”

“Yeah.”

“As long as I get to ask the same.”

“Of course.”

“Well…”

They talked. Even though they’d been talking and emailing in the preceding weeks, it felt to both of them that they were finally starting to get to know each other. When Henry started talking about his acting, Jules wasn’t interested in the projects he was working on for any other reason than why _he_ was interested in them. She was always interested in what drove another creative person to do what they did.

They also talked about their passions. Henry was so used to talking about his that when she asked him what he did, he turned the question back on her.

“You know, I talk about that stuff so much. I’m sure that anything that you know about me is far more than I know about you. Would you indulge me and talk about where your passion lies?”

Jules gave him a bit of silent treatment. She actually didn’t know much about him outside of a few roles and interviews she’d seen. She contemplated saying as much and then she thought it might ruin the mood. She decided to let him know, gently, later, after they’d spend more time together and knew whatever this was going to be between them.

She began talking about literacy and how important it was to her. Most people assumed she’d be involved with getting kids to read more.

“Sure, I’d love to be involved with getting kids interested in reading, but they need to be able to read, first.”

She didn’t limit her work to the United States, either. She worked with many charities in many countries and, on the rare occasion that she’d be interviewed, she always worked it into the conversation.

Now it was Henry who was studying Jules.

“What?”

“I just realized that we haven’t talked about what you do. You have deftly maneuvered the conversation away from your work every time. What do you do?”

“Damn, you caught me.”

_I sure hope so._ Henry was sure that his smile gave away his thought. “No more delays. Out with it.”

“I am a writer. I write fiction, mostly crime, you know, police procedural types.”

“Anything I might’ve read?”

“I’d actually rather not know if you’ve read anything of mine.”

“Anything? How many books have you written?”

“Lucky 13 comes out next spring.”

“Seriously? 13? Wow.” Henry sat up straighter and grabbed the phone from his pocket. He did something he normally wouldn’t do and googled Jules Roman. When she realized what he was doing, she hid her face. That meant she missed his face when he looked up at her.

“Jules, are you serious? Are these yours?”

“Probably? Oh, god, you have read one, haven’t you? I knew you’d hate them. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Darling, just the opposite.”

She finally looked up at him.

“My production company has been negotiating to option these.”

“Since when?”

“My brother talked to me about it a couple of weeks ago, right before San Diego. He’s taken point on negotiations, but I’m pretty sure this is what he’s looking at.”

“The timing sounds right. My agent called me last week to tell me she’s in the thick of negotiations. She didn’t say who was interested, only that there was interest.”

“We can’t be the first to express interest.”

“True, but no one else has been willing to allow script approval.”

“Well, that is a tough sell.”

“Sure, until you think of it this way: I own those characters. They’re mine. The moment that someone starts messing with my characters, I should have the right to approve.”

“What about when you get into stuff that fans do, you know, art and fiction. What do you think about that stuff?” A number of interviewers had started to show him stuff, wanting him to comment on it, but he was just the face. He wasn’t the one who’d come up with the ideas to begin with. He was curious as to her take on it.

“I have no problem with that.”

“So, you don’t actually have a problem with someone altering the character.”

“I do if they are trying to make money off of it. Or if it is somehow coming off as being representative of _my_ work. In this instance, that’s what a movie is: an adaptation of my work. If I sell the rights and what comes out of it is crap then I could alienate the few fans of my work I have. Someone writes a story where they prefer Jasmine to be with Theo rather than Karl, or hell, they toss the whole thing out and they put Theo and Karl together? Awesome. Someone sells that story, whether print or TV or movie, hell no.”

“You won’t budge, will you?”

She could tell Henry was curious. The problem for him was she’d been down this road several times and she was fast becoming tired of people trying to wear her down. It showed.

“No. Absolutely non-negotiable, so you should tell your brother if that’s something that he’d be trying to get me to budge on. Won’t budge. It doesn’t matter that you and I are acquainted.”

“I’ll do that.”

Jules couldn’t look at Henry and felt uncomfortable with the silence that fell over the table. She mentally chastised herself for completely killing the mood. She knew she should have just kept her mouth shut, should have insisted on changing topics. She was looking down at the place setting in front of her, tracing the edge of the pattern with her nail, when Henry got up from the table. That movement was all that registered. She lowered her head even further, knowing that it was too early in them getting to know each other to have been so vehement about anything. _Great, another one bites the dust before it even had a chance to start._

It was why she was startled when she felt his hand on her shoulder, prompting her to move over and let him into the booth next to her.

“You’re not leaving?”

His brow furrowed just before he laced her fingers with his. It wasn’t lost on him how right her hand felt in his. It belonged there; of that he was sure. “Why do you think I’d leave?”

“Well, I’m pretty hard-headed.”

“I agree, you are pretty. What are you hard-headed about, your work?”

“Yeah?” Jules had a hard time separating his compliment from his question.

“You have every right to be.”

Her lack of eye contact was also not lost on him.

“Darling, please look at me and tell me what’s wrong.”

She didn’t look up. She couldn’t. “I think I’m not used to someone understanding? I don’t know, being supportive?”

As their waiter approached the table with their food, he slowed his progression. Henry saw him and waived him away.

He unlaced their fingers and turned her hand palm up, resting it on his thigh. As he traced the lines on her hand, she jerked at the tickling touch.

“What, you don’t like that?”

He was delighted that she finally raised her eyes to meet his.

“A bit more pressure would be better.”

“So, tell me, have you not had someone in your corner before?”

“No, not really. My parents wanted me to ‘do something’ with my life and they didn’t see writing as doing something. Last time I spoke with them we got into an argument. That was about two weeks before I got my agent. And about three hours before they died.”

“What happened?”

“Dad had called to ask me if I’d made any decisions about college and I hadn’t so we got into an argument. They were on their way back from a weekend in Chicago. I was living in Indianapolis at the time. Truck driver fell asleep at the wheel. That was it. I sold their house and moved as fast as I could. About three months after I moved I signed my book deal. I’ve been here ever since.”

“How often do you go back?”

“I don’t. I have no reason to.”

“Haven’t you ever visited their graves?”

“They were cremated. Their ashes were scattered in Brown County. It’s a place that’s really beautiful in the fall. It was a place they loved.”

“No family?”

“No. My parents were both only children, as am I.”

“How old were you when this happened?”

“19.”

“So then you were first published…?”

“When I was 20. It’ll be 13 in nine years next summer. The last couple of years I’ve been doing a new book twice a year, something my publisher pushed me for, you know, a book for summer and one for Christmas. I mean, I agreed to it, but it’s been hard. I told them I couldn’t do Christmas for next year. I need some time off.”

“What will you do?”

“During my time off? Well, maybe get some sleep. Yeah, I can see that you want to laugh, but I don’t really sleep well.”

“I know.”

She decided to ignore that comment. He couldn’t possibly know she didn’t sleep well. “Once I get some sleep, I want to do some traveling. The only traveling I’ve done is on book promotion tours. You’ve been out promoting movies. You know what that’s like. You get to see hotels. I want to spend time in Europe and South America. If I can swing it, Australia, too.”

“Where in Europe?”

“All over, really. I’ve thought about getting an apartment and using that as my base and then taking small trips here and there.”

“Where are you thinking about getting the apartment?”

“Well, I was thinking Paris, but it’s so expensive there.”

“Have you thought about London?”

“It’s not qui-” she finally looked at Henry and saw his little kid grin.

“You know-”

“You live there, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. I love London.”

“Henry, that’s really far in the future, that’ll be like, next summer. This is, pretty much, our first real date. Can we just keep us in the present for now?”

“Of course, darling, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, or try to pressure you. I’m hopeful is all.”

Their waiter caught Henry’s eye and he waived him over.

“If you don’t mind, I’d love to get our meal to go.”

That got Jules’ attention. “Oh, Henry, you want to go already?”

He leaned closer to her and lowered his voice. “I shouldn’t have sat down next to you or held your hand. It’s been entirely too long and I can’t. I can’t keep my hands to myself. I’m not strong enough. I need you in my arms, to feel you against me. I need to feel you wrapped around me. I need to kiss you. I need you, Jules.”

“That’s a lot of need, Henry.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, not a problem, no. Not at all.”

They exited a few minutes later, hand in hand. It took them only a few minutes to get to her place. Truth be told, it would have taken less time if they walked rather than taking Henry’s car. Jules didn’t want it to be impounded, though.

They were finally, _finally_ at her front door and she couldn’t move, couldn’t open her eyes, couldn’t breathe. She’d almost dropped their dinner when Henry clenched her to him. She wanted nothing more than to turn to him, kiss and undress him. Make love to him. But she didn’t want to put on a show for her neighbors.

“Please, Henry, stop. I need to unlock the door first.”

He backed off and gave her the room she needed. Once they were inside, though, things changed. Henry wasn’t pawing at her anymore. Jules wasn’t sure what happened.

“Take off your shoes.” Henry walked to the sofa and sat on the arm.

She hesitated, not knowing what to make of the abrupt change.

He beckoned her over. Once she was between his legs, his hand holding hers, “I told you to take off your shoes. Am I going to have to turn you over my knee to get you to do as I tell you?”

Her eyes widened, but not with fear. A flush bloomed over her as her chest heaved, her eyes honed on Henry.

“You remember how you let Chris and me take control?”

Although silent, the relaxation of her shoulders told her story. All she could do was nod.

“I would like to do that again. Is that something you would like?”

She finally found her voice. “Yes.”

“Do you trust me?”

She hesitated. He didn’t know if she was trying to gather herself to answer, or if she was trying to determine her answer.

“Do you not trust me?”

She couldn’t keep eye contact. While he understood, he was a little hurt, until he saw her trembling. Now he was concerned that he’d done something to make her afraid of him. He needed to fix this. Fast. He kept his voice soft.

“Jules, I would prefer for you to look at me.”

She hesitated before raising her eyes, looking at him through her lashes.

“It’s okay for you to tell me you don’t trust me. Trust is earned. I would like to earn it if I don’t have it.

“I mostly trust you.” He didn’t like how small she sounded.

“Darling, what don’t you trust?”

“I don’t know.”

“I won’t get mad. I promise.”

“No, Henry, that’s not it. I truly don’t know.”

“So how do I earn your trust?”

“My gut will tell me when I can trust you. It’s telling me it thinks you’re trustworthy, it just hasn’t made the final decision.”

“What if, instead of what we experienced in San Diego, what if our time here is about getting to know each other when it’s just the two of us. Getting to know how to touch and be touched, how to hold and be held, would that be good? Would that be the kind of thing that would help you?”

“It certainly wouldn’t hurt, that’s for sure.”

“So, if I were to pull you a little closer,” he tugged her hand slightly and she took a step forward, “and help you out of your sweater,” he ran his finger first along her collarbone, gently moving her sweater back and down her arms, before running his fingers up and down, “and stroke your arm, those are all good things, right?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

His fingers kept traveling up, over her shoulders, up her neck. “And if I were to caress your cheek,” his hand cupped her cheek. Jules leaned in and closed her eyes, savoring the feel of him. If he was going to take his time kissing her, she’d at least get something out of it. “Is that a good thing?”

“Yes.”

He was mesmerized by her full lips. Her arousal was apparent, as plump as they’d become. He dragged his thumb over them, feeling them give way to his touch.

“And if I tell you that I’ve thought of little else than kissing you since I last saw you, so much so that there were a couple of times that I was pulled aside and asked what was going on, why I was blowing my lines, that tells you something, right?”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s not your responsibility.”

“True, but I feel responsible.”

“But that should tell you how much I wanted to be here.”

“Yes, but…”

“But what, darling?”

“But we’ve been alone for some time now.”

“Yes?”

“And you haven’t kissed me. Or made a move to kiss me.”

“Is that what you want? Me to kiss you?”

“Yes.”

“And don’t you think anticipation is a good thing?”

“Oh, Henry. I have been anticipating this since I left you and Chris. And since you confirmed when you would be here, I’ve been anticipating this moment. Please, don’t get me wrong, what the three of us shared in San Diego was amazing. But when you asked if you could see me, get to know me, and when I agreed and I knew I would have time with you, with just you? Henry, I wanted that. More than anything I wanted that.”

Henry dropped his hands, his fingers conforming to the curve of her waist and hips. He tugged on her, only the slightest pull. She closed whatever gap was remaining between them.

As his hands skimmed up her arms to her shoulders, to her neck, he studied her reaction to him. His touch was soft, just his fingertips until one hand settled on the back of her neck. He was still gentle as he felt her relax, eyes closed, her hands on his thighs to keep herself upright. His other hand moved to her throat, fingers touching, feeling her delicate skin.

He adjusted his body to where he was more leaning against the arm than sitting on it, widening his legs, and drew her even nearer. Jules was fast falling into his web. She gave herself over to the sensations, realizing Henry was going to go at whatever speed he wanted.

“Oh, Henry.”

Henry felt her surrender. He heard his name cross her lips and realized this was only the second time she’d ever said his name like that: the desire, the want apparent. His movements stilled as everything came into focus: he needed to hear her say his name like that. Frequently.

As Henry wrapped his arm about her waist, Jules placed her hands on his chest, fingers only slightly splayed. She was immediately grounded and could weather just about anything that Henry threw her way.

His lips ghosted over her ear and he felt her long, slow exhale. He heard her whimper when he did it again. He recalled that she liked textures, rough textures dragged over her skin, and he obliged her with his just-shy-of-a-week’s beard along her neck, her jaw. Her cheek.

“Henry.”

Her whisper echoed in his ear, but he resisted. He wanted Jules to need him, like he needed her.

He bent to her shoulder, savoring her, her taste and her texture and the sounds she was making.

She moved, wanting to unbutton his shirt, but that wasn’t part of his plan.

“No. Just let me.”

“But I didn’t get to last time, Henry.”

He heard what he’d been wanting to hear.

“That’s not what I meant.”

He kissed his way to her neck and over the soft skin of her throat. Jules tilted her head back to give him what he wanted. But that wasn’t what he wanted.

One of his hands on either side of her face, he righted her head and met her lips with his. Every single cell within her body wanted to be part of that kiss. She leaned into him, sighing as she did. Henry groaned his approval, giving her tremors as he wrapped his arms around her.

There was no forced urgency, no timetable of which they had to be aware, no one poised to interrupt. This gave them the time they needed.

Everything stayed soft and unhurried. The kiss stayed as it started, at least for a little while. Lips testing, feeling, caressing. Breaths neither rushed nor held but moans and groans from both. Fingers and hands stroking, scratching, feeling the other.

Then it started to shift, each wanting to feel more of the other. Jules wanted more of Henry’s mouth. She softened her jaw, parting her lips and tickling the seam of his with her tongue. Henry obliged her. He loosened his lips and sucked her tongue in. She squealed before giggling, happy to have a playful Henry in her house.

Henry wanted more of Jules’ skin. He’d come to know the feel of her, where the softest part of her body was and how warm she got while asleep. And the deepening of her flush right before her orgasm. They’d spent close to two days each other’s company, and the majority of that time clothes were not allowed. He wanted to go back to that magical time. He wanted to strip away all the pretense and get to know _her_.

Jules felt him tug the zipper, but only to her waist. He still didn’t seem to be in a rush, which she liked. One of his hands found her bare back, easing under the fabric of her dress, but it didn’t give him what he really wanted: her. He tugged at the straps on her shoulders, pulling her dress down to her waist and he hugged her close.

This desire, this _need_ he felt for her was real, but he didn’t know what to do with it. He hadn’t known her long enough for everything to be this real. He’d begun to understand, though, just why it was that he wanted to make her smile, to keep her safe, to make her happy and keep her protected within his arms. He felt very lucky that she’d begun to let him into her life. He wanted to savor this time with Jules. He was happy, for the moment at least.

Jules, however, wasn’t satisfied. She wanted more. She needed to feel him, _Henry_ , not his suit jacket or his waistcoat or his shirt. Him. There were entirely too many layers between them. She probably would have been okay, wouldn’t have needed more, if he hadn’t started undressing her. That’s what did her in.

She deftly unbuttoned his waistcoat and didn’t stop there. She was able to get one shirt button undone before Henry’s hands stopped her.

“No.” While his voice might have been soft, it was a command.

“Please. I want to feel you. I need to feel _you_ , not your clothes. Please, Henry?”

Who was he to deny her what he himself had sought? He let go of her hands. She didn’t rush, but she didn’t move slowly, either. She kissed him as she unbuttoned his shirt, moving her fingers with a purpose from one button to the next, all the way to his waist. She didn’t untuck his shirt; she didn’t need him unclothed. She just needed him. She started to put her arms around him and Henry stopped her. He didn’t want anything between them. Once he unfastened and she shrugged out of her bra and they embraced, they both felt a sense of serenity. They also felt the connection they’d started to sense in their bones.

That was exactly what they both needed. They were able to get back to their kissing. Jules ran her fingernails up and down the broad planes of his back. He sounded the contented purr of a big game cat deep in his chest. This time, he was the one moving to get her nails in just the right spot. It became more and more difficult to kiss him as her smile grew into a grin.

Jules arched away from him to watch his reactions, how he moved, bit his bottom lip and then smiled at her right before he closed his eyes and groaned his contentment. She wanted to hear more of that groan, the one she’d come to know in San Diego. She moved one hand to his waist, sticking her index finger into the waistband and moving her hand around front. Henry wasn’t quite ready for things to progress. He liked where they were so he tightened his grip, their bodies pressed against each other so she couldn’t continue. She tried to pull away but his grip on her was too strong. She tried to move her hand but had no luck. She was becoming frustrated.

“No, not like that.” His calm nature stilled her. Henry removed her hands from him. He turned her and found her zipper, tugging it the last couple of inches. He pushed her dress past her hips and had her step out of it before tossing it onto the chaise in the corner. He got up from the sofa, and, standing behind her, he brushed Jules’ hair from her shoulder. He slowed his pace even further, kissing and biting along her shoulder and then the tendons in her neck. She fell back against him. He was taking his time, but that wasn’t it. The speed at which he was undressing her, kissing her, caressing her, yes, it was slower, but there was something else that was very different. She couldn’t explain it, but the way he was touching her had changed.

When she turned he saw it written all over her face, her understanding. She pulled his unbuttoned shirt from his trousers and eased it off him. She kissed him as he was revealed: his bicep, his wrist, his shoulder, his rib. She unbuckled his belt, reaching up just a smidge to kiss the hollow of his throat, thankful she still had her heels on. She unfastened his trousers and they glided down his legs to the floor.

Henry toed off his shoes, stepping out of his clothes and, picking her up, carried her back to the bedroom. Jules was grateful he didn’t toss her over his shoulder. She lavished attention on his neck for the short distance.

He was content to let her explore and not put her down immediately. Once he was ready to move on, though, he placed her on the bed. She motioned for him to join her, but he had one last duty: he divested himself of his pants and her knickers and shoes first. Jules held her hand out to him and he climbed onto the bed, except-

“Shoot.”

“Condoms are in the drawer” she nodded her head in the direction of the bedside table.

He opened the drawer and found his familiar brand.

“How did you-”

“I pay attention to the details.”

Henry opened the box and pulled a couple out.

As he climbed back on the bed, he bent to her, biting the flesh a few inches above her hip bone before sucking it into his mouth and marking her. Her back bowing, her hand grabbing ahold of his head, and her moaning told him he got it in the exact place.

“You’re not the only one who pays attention to details.”

Even though it was far from it, it _felt_ like it was their first time together.

>< 

Two and a half weeks later, Jules was trying to hold it together as Henry packed the day before his flight. He had been spending so much time at her place that it was easier on both of them if he gave up his hotel room and stayed with her. It had been Jules’ suggestion a couple of days into his trip and he jumped at the chance.

He’d delayed leaving as long as he could, needing to get back home for a few days before heading off to his next job.

“You know, there might be a long weekend where I can get away, come back here and see you or have you come to me, before your birthday. I can’t promise anything, but if it works, would you like that?”

“I think you know the answer to that. But, before you make any plans-”

“I know, I’ll check with your calendar, and Chris.”

It was one of the few days they spent the entire time indoors, the only exception being when they walked Kal, watching movies and napping, making love and eating, and talking, always talking. There were things that they both wanted to say, but there was an unspoken mutual understanding so they didn’t. They knew it was entirely too early in their relationship.

Henry woke from one of their naps, Jules snuggled up to him, and he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt. He came very close to waking her up and talking to her, but that would have been cruel with him leaving the next day. He checked flights and almost, _almost_ changed again. There would have been hell to pay with his parents, though, and he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be seeing them until Christmas and then for only a short visit. He knew he was going to be spending every possible day in Los Angeles that he could so for now, he kept his plans the way they were.

The next morning, as they were waiting for the cab to arrive to whisk him off to the airport (he’d turned in his rental car when he gave up his hotel room), Jules couldn’t help the few tears that fell. Neither of them said anything as he kissed them away.

“I’ll miss you. I’ll call you when I get in.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

It was a sweet kiss that he gave her before he left.

When the door closed behind him, she went back to bed and, tears falling, hugged his pillow to her. It was going to be a long eight weeks before she’d see him again.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a soft knock at the door that Henry almost missed. Considering he was moments away from heading in to get to bed early for once, he almost didn’t open the door. Almost.

“I didn’t know you were in town. Come on in.”

“Thanks, Henry. I was on my way back to my hotel and I realized I was in your neighborhood and I thought, hey, let’s see what Henry’s up to. I’m not keeping you from anything, am I?”

Henry had a fading memory of his bed calling to him.

“No, Chris, nothing but reading. Come on in. It’s been a while since San Diego. How are you?”

“Can’t complain. Getting ready to head to Toronto. Thought, as long as I’m in the neighborhood, I’d check in on you, see how your visit with Jules went.”

“It was really good, I mean, really good. Kal and I ended up staying with her. It was so much easier than heading back to the hotel every night.”

“How long were you there?”

“I was in town for almost three weeks. I got all my business done early and spent the rest of my time with her, so a little over two with her.”

“Wow, that’s quite a bit of time.”

“Yeah, and I’m trying to make it out again for a long weekend, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to. When are you seeing her?”

“I’ve got some time, four, maybe five days in a couple of weeks. She didn’t have a problem with you being there for that long?”

“No, not at all. In fact, we both wanted it to be longer, but my schedule just wouldn’t work. So you’ve just got the one long weekend before her birthday?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to see her between her birthday and New Year’s?”

“I hadn’t been planning on it.”

“Hm. Okay. God, where are my manners, do you want a beer?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

Henry got up to grab a beer for his guest.

Chris felt like he needed to say something, but he wasn’t sure what.

Henry came back in and passed the beer over Chris’s shoulder, ensuring he had a firm grip on the bottle  _and remembered that firm grip from San Diego._  He shuddered and made a quick decision. Henry put his hand on Chris’s throat and caressed his way up to his chin, tilting his head back. He leaned over and gave him a quick kiss, nothing too intimate. He was testing the waters.

When Henry started to pull away, Chris grabbed at his shirt, pulling him back down by his sleeve. Henry didn’t have to be told twice.

They kissed a second and a third time before Henry righted himself. He raised his eyebrow and that was all it took.

Chris set the beer down and got up. When he turned, he saw Henry walking down a hallway and followed him back to his bedroom. He grabbed the neck of his long-sleeve maroon Henley and pulled it off, dropping it on the floor. He caught up to Henry as they entered his bedroom and grabbed him by the belt loop on the waist of his jeans, halting his forward momentum. As he closed the distance between them, his other hand slid around his torso, pulling his navy blue shirt free. He quickly unbuttoned it and pulled it open, exposing Henry’s chest. Chris bit and sucked on his earlobe while his hands caressed Henry’s broad chest, working their way down to his belt buckle.

Henry grabbed his hands and spun, surprising Chris, when he pinned his hands behind his back. He walked them back to his bed and pushed Chris down. They crawled their way to the middle, Henry settling on top of Chris.

“It’s my turn. You had your fun in San Diego.”

“I thought you had lots of fun in San Diego. Or was your come all over my hand just a figment of my imagination.”

Henry wanted to wipe that cocksure smirk right off Chris’s face.

“Whatever. It’s my turn.” But before he could take what he wanted, something inside him shifted. He didn’t know what it was. The blue of his eyes? His perfect beard  _I mean where does this guy get off being so fucking flawless_? It might have been his lips. In fact, Henry was pretty sure that Chris’s lips were perfect. He needed to find a flaw with him, and fast.

He’d paid attention to when Jules had kissed him. Henry remembered what he liked. The soft touch of fingers on lips. That got him. He wasn’t expecting that. Chris’s grin went away as his mouth opened slightly. Henry caressed just inside the lower lip, his soft, red, oh so plump lower lip, causing Chris to open slightly wider. It was just enough for Henry to ease the tip of his index finger in.

Henry played, easing his mouth open little by little, touching and stroking Chris’s tongue. When he couldn’t handle it any longer, he bent and dragged his lips over Chris’s, caressing them. A live wire sensation passed through both of them as they kissed and explored.

Chris grabbed at Henry’s waist and held on for dear life. His touch was gentle yet firm and when he couldn’t handle any more, he pushed Henry back, parting them.

“This is going to sound odd, but I’m starting to think I very much prefer you over Jules.”

“Me, too. It’s no contest.”

Jules was startled awake, a scream in her throat. She sat upright in her bed, shivering, with tears on her face, her hand over her mouth. She was completely thrown by what she’d just thought. Then she realized _of course they’d prefer each other, just look at me_.

She scrambled for her phone, knowing she was probably going to be waking one of the two of them up, but she had to know where they were. She knew she was overreacting, but that dream had been so real.

Jules opened up what they used for a group chat and hoped she’d be able to get in touch with them.

 _Jules 5:23am: Hey, where are you guys?_  
Chris 5:24am: I’m in Toronto babe. What’s up?  
Henry 5:24am: In London. Everything okay?

She breathed a sigh. If they had both been in the same city, she didn’t know what she would have done.

 _Jules 5:27am: Just needed to know you’re both okay._  
Henry 5:27am: Do you need to talk?  
Chris 5:27am: Calling…

When her phone rang and she saw it was Chris, she felt that she’d really overreacted. It had only been a dream, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

“Have you been to see her yet?” Henry called out to Chris from his kitchen.

“No. I was trying to right after TIFF, but some buddies got this campsite and, well, I went camping instead.”

Henry returned from his kitchen with the beers, curiosity etched on his face. He handed one to Chris and sat across from him.

“Did she know?”

“It was a last minute arrangement, we’d only made tentative plans.”

He was miffed that Chris didn’t answer his question. He was pointed in his response. “Did you tell her you blew her off for camping?”

“Of course I didn’t tell her that, I told her something came up." The look on Henry's face screamed what, disappointment? Anger? "What? I didn’t blow her off for camping, it was my friends. Come on.” Chris felt like he was being backed into a corner.

“So that’s why she sounded so fucking depressed last week. She hasn’t been returning my calls, only texting me.”

“You’re kidding, right?” his words came out quickly, obviously seeking reassurance he hadn’t hurt her. He wasn’t going to get it from the man who was sitting across from him doing that thing with his jaw. Chris came out swinging, trying to defend what he’d done.

“Look, these are guys I’ve known practically my whole life. I hadn’t seen ‘em in a couple of months, okay?”

Henry chewed on that a little before answering.

“So, will you tell her or are you going to leave that to me.”

“What, you’re gonna tell her I went camping?”

“No, that you don’t want to get to know her, that you’ve changed your mind. You know what, let me tell her. At least that way I can soften the blow.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Of course I wanna see her.”

“You blew her off to go camping.”

“I told you, these were my buddies.”

“You made plans with her and cancelled them, didn’t you?”

Chris’s silence answered the question.

“Don’t you think they’d understand?”

“Aw, come on! These guys are my friends. You know the saying, bros before-“

“I swear to god, if you finish that, if you call Jules a ‘ho'?”

“No! I wouldn’t do that.”

“You are nothing but a fucking tease. Do you remember what she said? She didn’t want to be our ‘just in case girl’?”

“Yeah?”

“Am I going to have to knock some sense into you?”

“What?”

“That’s exactly how you treated her!”

“No, no it wasn’t. I haven’t been out with any other women.”

“You know what? ‘Just in case’ also happens to apply to people other than women. Rather than second place to  _a_ woman, you had her second place to not just one, but a bunch of guys. There were how many, three? Four? So that puts her fifth on the list? Those guys should have understood if you said you needed to spend time with a woman. Does she mean anything at all to you? Do you actually  _want_ to get to know her, or was San Diego just some sort of competition with you?”

“I wouldn’t have asked to see her, to get to know her if she didn’t mean something, if I didn’t want to get to know her.” He sat there, thinking for a few moments. “Shit, I really fucked this up, didn’t I?”

“What do you think?” He finally softened his tone, hearing that Chris was sincere. “Seriously, do you actually want to get to know her, or is this just your pride speaking?”

“Yeah, I do, I do. I really do.”

“Then you need to fucking act like it.”

“I know! What the fuck do I do?” Desperation was not a good scent on Chris.

“When were you planning on seeing her?”

“Her birthday.”

“When the  _three_ of us are supposed to be together. You have got to be kidding me.”

“What?”

“So the last time you saw her all you did was fuck her, and the next time you’re planning on seeing her all you’re planning on is fucking her. Fucking her is not getting to know her! Christ, she’s a smart woman. She’s going to put two and two together and figure out that all you want is her pussy.”

“That is not all I want!”

Henry took a deep breath. “Do you have  _any_ time off before her birthday?”

“Yeah, in a couple of weeks I’ve got a little over a week free.”

Henry spoke more to himself, but Chris did overhear him. “I know this is going to come back to bite me.” He then spoke louder, directly to Chris. “Then you need to go out and visit her. Spend time with her, just the two of you.”

“My family’s expecting me to be at home, in Boston.”

“You have plans already?”

“Tentative, but yeah.”

“You had tentative plans with her and you broke them, so that’s not an issue for you, is it?" He saw the realization hit Chris. _Good_. "What’s stopping you?”

“If I go out there I’ve got tons of friends in LA, too. And family comes out with me, normally.”

“It’s simple. Don’t tell your friends you’re going out and tell your family you have other plans that have come up and they need to stay home. You’re famous for your open relationship with your mother, talk to her. She’d understand, wouldn’t she?”

Chris ignored that last comment. “What, don’t spend time with them?”

“Yes.”

Chris appeared skeptical.

“Look, I’m going to make this really clear. Either you go spend time with her, just you two, try to start to get to know her,  _before her birthday_ , or you just need to walk away. It’s your choice.”

Chris didn’t say anything. Henry couldn’t figure out what the problem was.

“Is it more important for you to get to see your family or get to know her?”

“But my family’s expecting to see me.”

“Will your family or your friends still be there if you don’t see them before her birthday?”

“Of course.”

“Well, you’ll want to take comfort in that, because I don’t know that she’ll still be.”

“Really?”

“Put yourself in her shoes. You’ve shown almost no interest in her when she showed a ton of interest in you in San Diego. She’s going to think all you want is sex. Is that all you want?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then what’s standing in your way?”

“You are, damn it!”

Henry reacted as if he’d been slapped, hard. He felt like he had been.

“How am I standing in your way? Do you get that I’m encouraging you to see her? Why I’m doing this I will never know.”

“Why are you?”

“Because she deserves to be happy. I just want her happy.”

They were silent for a bit, contemplating the conversation they’d just had. Henry couldn’t let it go.

“How often do you talk? Text? Skype?”

“A little bit, but it was mostly just to arrange the time together.”

“And since then?”

“Couple of texts, here and there.”

That seemed to piss Henry off more than anything else he’d heard. Or maybe, just maybe, he was reaching his breaking point.

“All you’ve done is strung her along. You haven’t taken the time you should to get to know her.”

“How do you mean?”

“I spent time with her, time on the phone, texting, talking over Skype, and when I was in town, I got to know her. This went a long way in reassuring her I wasn’t interested in just a damn booty call. What did you do? A couple of texts or calls to arrange to see her and then you blew her off.”

“I told you-”

“Yeah, yeah, your bros made plans. I bet they were all made shortly before your trip, after you knew you were going to see her.”

“Why are you so angry about this?”

“Because it’s men like you who give men like me a bad name.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have got everyone fooled, and you’re nothing but a fucking tease, and for some reason people think _I’m_ the player. If you’re that bad, then just how bad is Henry?” He couldn’t hold back any longer. “Are you going to make her beg to spend time with you?”

“No! I wouldn’t do that."

“Bet you that’s what’s happening. Pull up your texts with her.”

Chris reluctantly unlocked his phone and handed it over to Henry. After a few moments, when Henry had thumbed through their exchanges, he tossed the phone back to Chris and got up, leaving the room. He needed to figure out just how far he was willing to go with Chris, what was he willing to do to either set him straight or get him to back off of Jules. For someone who had purportedly had several long-term relationships and claimed to be a romantic, he wondered how he could be just that clueless.

Henry drained his beer and grabbed another. When he turned, Chris was leaning in the doorway.

“Do you want another beer?”

“Sure. I want to know what in her texts has you so upset.”

“She’s begging you to come see her.”

“No. No she’s not.”

“You don’t have a clue about women, do you?” Henry shook his head as he handed over another beer.

“Of course I do.” Chris twisted the top off and took a long pull. When he held his hand out, Chris handed the phone back over to Henry.

“Here, where she says ‘I’ll be sure to keep my calendar up to date if anything changes’ and here ‘I’ve got a week after my trip to New York that I’ll keep open. I’ll already be on the East Coast so maybe I come to you instead of you to me?’ She’s bending over fucking backwards for you. And your responses? ‘thanks, that’ll help’ and ‘I’ll let you know’? You are such a fucking tease.”

“It was all I had time for, I was I the middle of something.”

“Did you call her, send her email?”

“No. I told you, I was in the middle of something.”

“No later. I mean later, when you did have time.”

For the life of him, Henry couldn’t figure out why it was that Chris was resisting what he was telling him.

“Why am I even bothering with you? You don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m not teasing her!”

“Are you a man? Are you a fucking man? What I see is a boy in front of me.”

“Of course I’m a man!”

“You need to be taught what it’s like to be teased like you’re doing to her. That is not right.”

“I am not teasing her, I am not leading her on.”

“Don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter what you think, it matters what she thinks! She thinks you’re interested because you told her you were. She thought you meant it when you said you wanted to get to know each other.”

“I did mean it, damn it! Why don’t you believe me?”

“What the fuck have you done to get to know her? Not a damn thing. When are you planning on seeing her, hell, talking to her?”

Chris withered under Henry’s glare.

“That’s right! You’re not! She thinks you are! That is why you are stringing her along. That’s why I’ll keep calling you a fucking tease until you admit it!” Henry was ready to toss him out on his ear and cancel several meetings to go see Jules. He knew he’d be in hot water with the producers of his next film, but he didn’t care. He glared at Chris, who only gave back the same.

“Fuck you.”

Henry was pretty sure he had him.

“Not consciously, you’re not doing this consciously. Tell her you want her by your side at whatever your next event is and I bet you she’d say yes. It’s the last thing she wants, to be photographed with either one of us, call attention to what we’ve all agreed to, but she’d say yes just to see you.” Even though he could tell Chris knew what he’d been doing, he still wasn’t ready to admit it.

Henry decided to change his tactic. He needed to break through to Chris. He took the two steps necessary to close the gap between them.

With as close as they were, an intimacy settled over them of which Henry took an advantage. He inched ever closer, invading Chris’s space. Any further movement and they’d be touching. Henry could feel the heat coming off of him; it radiated in waves.

“You have no idea what it’s like to be strung along, do you?” He kept his voice low, soft, drawing Chris in. “To be teased,” he reached up, scraping his fingers up Chris’s abdomen, his chest, doing what he could to reenact their first kiss, the one that had changed so much for them in San Diego, “have something held just out of your grasp until you want it so badly that you’d do anything for it, whatever that person wanted from you.” By the time he was done, the tips of his fingers were ghosting over Chris’s jaw, enticing, entreating him to turn his head. Chris obliged. “Have you ever been tortured like that?” Unlike San Diego, he didn’t kiss Chris.

Words wouldn’t form, Chris’s mouth wouldn’t move; he was utterly transfixed. All he could do was give a single shake of his head. Henry nudged his jaw and Chris moved his head back to center.

“I wonder how long you’d survive something like that.” As he continued, his hand traversed his broad chest, slowly venturing south. “I wonder if you could hold out at all, or if you’d be begging in short order.”

By this time, Henry was at his waist. He kept his touch gentle, light, teasing. He didn’t want to move too fast, bring Chris back to his senses too quickly. He worked the buttons of his shirt, just a couple, parting the fabric so he could untuck Chris’s undershirt. He wanted the intimacy of skin. When he had it, and when he had enough of it exposed, he rested his hand just above the waistband, edging only his fingers beneath, the hairs tickling his palm as his fingers splayed over his abdomen and he brought himself into complete contact with the warmth he felt.

Henry needed Chris out of his comfort zone if he was going to make his point.

“You can’t tell me this thought hasn’t crossed your mind. I bet you’ve wondered what my hand stroking your cock would feel like. Just my hand since the last time I had you in my grasp Jules was sucking on you, too.”

Henry was pretty sure the reason for the groan from Chris was reminding him of Jules and what she could do with her mouth.

Henry had a thought and pondered it for a bit, finally moving his hand, edging it down just a hair’s breadth, giving himself time as he kept his movements slow, keeping Chris focused on his hand rather than on the fact that he’d stopped talking. How far was he willing to go, both in word and deed?

 _Aw, what the hell_ …

He kept his hand where it was and moved behind Chris, their feet staggered so he could readily toy with his neck and ear, if he chose. He needed to get into his head, so started with words, purposefully dropping his voice as low as he could.

“What if I let you fuck me? Would you want to grab hold of my arse? Would you like that?”

Henry didn’t think Chris would actually respond, and he was right.

“Have you wondered, whether or not I could own you like you did me?”

Chris swiveled his head and peered at Henry.

“Your hand and your mouth, that was all it took.” Henry was both surprised and glad at his confession. He was happy to see that cocky smirk. He wanted to wipe it clean off his face. He was going to do his best.

“What if I fucked you, would you like that?” Henry felt Chris’s startle and decided to go all out when he didn’t protest or move away. “Do you think I could get you so worked up you’d beg me to bury my big, thick cock in your gorgeous arse and come deep inside you?”

Henry was pleased with Chris’s reactions, his slackened jaw and quickened breath.

“No, no way could you get me to beg.” Chris’s gruff voice was unrecognizable.

“You know I’d take however long I wanted, first working you open with my fingers, taking my time, finding that sweet spot within, pressing and prodding and stroking until you begged me to fill you, to fuck you. And _only_ then, once you started begging, would I use a second finger, widening you, getting you to relax enough for me to get a third finger in. You’ve seen my dick. You know I’d have to have three fingers in you before I could fuck you, and that would take time.”

Chris tried to take back some control.

“I can always take care of myself.”

Henry was ready for him.

“Not if you’re in handcuffs, or tied to spreader bars, forbidden from touching yourself, you can’t.”

Henry answered the raised eyebrows with a single head nod.

“Once I was buried balls-deep I would take my time, fuck you at my pace. And Chris, I’ve got patience and stamina you wouldn’t believe.”

Henry pulled his hand out from Chris’s jeans and circled back around. He put his hand on Chris’s chin and held him firm.

“Or maybe you wonder what it would feel like? To have me suck your dick? Get you to come with my mouth? Would you want to feel that?”

Henry felt that groan in his groin. He was pleased to see there was only a thin band of blue left in each eye. As eyes searched each other, they both wondered what was going to happen. They both liked not knowing.

“I’d strip you down until you were naked. But before I’d take your dick into my mouth I’d want to make sure you’d been properly prepared, were actually ready. I’d start you off with a hand job. I’ve got lube here, so we’d begin nice and slow, I’d play with your balls a bit first, massage them, and that spot right behind them, the one that worked so well on me, yeah, I’d play with that, too.”

Henry loved watching Chris’s face as his eyes darted back and forth, from one eye to the next, periodically glancing at his mouth. He wondered what was actually going on in his head.

“I wouldn’t be touching your dick yet, no. Remember, this is about stringing you along. I’d get you hard only playing with your balls.” Henry could tell Chris was starting to understand teasing. Good. “You’d be begging me to touch you, maybe not begging me to make you come, but to touch you, yeah. And you know what? I wouldn’t. I’d walk away. Wait until you got nice and soft and then do it again. I’d get you hard again, the same way, just playing with your balls so you know it’d take a while. I’d keep doing that, getting you hard and then walking away, until you did beg. You know, I can tell you’re a proud man. You wouldn’t want me to know I’d gotten under your skin. So who knows how many times you’d get hard before I lay a finger on your cock. And when I finally did, you know I’d just keep taking my time, either keeping you begging or, if you’d stopped, waiting for you to beg again.”

Henry’s eyes flicked back and forth, studying Chris’s reaction. He noted the deep flush to Chris’s neck.  _Good_ , he thought.

“But I still wouldn’t let you come. Nope. We’d head in, take a shower. I’d want to clean all that lube off of you before I dried you off, put you on my bed, and sucked on your cock, teasing you until _I_ decided you’d waited long enough to come. And you wouldn’t know what hit you.”

He let that thought sink in.

“Do you think that would teach you what it’s like to be teased?”

The way Henry read Chris’s face told him that it would. He lingered a few moments, giving Chris more than enough time to determine if he was going to make a move, any move. When the expiration was long overdue, Henry backed up.

The spell broken, Henry grabbed his beer from the counter and headed into the other room. It took Chris a few minutes to follow him. Henry was almost done with his beer when Chris sat across from him, his clothes put back together.

“I’m going to see her in a few weeks,” Chris offered.

“I think that’s a wise choice.”

“I, um, I need to get back to my hotel.” Chris got up and made his way towards the door before stopping and turning to Henry. “Look, I’ve got an idea for a birthday gift for Jules. Once I see her, I’ll give you a call. I mean, you can get her whatever you want from just you, but, I think it’d be nice for us to get her something together, from both of us, and I’ve got an idea.”

That was probably the last thing that was on Henry’s mind at the moment.

“Sure, give me a call when you get home, or, wherever you’re going after. We’ll want to coordinate times and flights and stuff. For her birthday.”

“Yeah. See you later.”

Henry’s front door snicked shut behind Chris. He was glad he’d been able to get his point across, but damn it if he wasn’t still hard as a rock.

He kicked his shoes off and padded to the kitchen, grabbing a beer before heading back to his bedroom. He’d undressed and was getting ready to turn on the shower when he heard a loud knock at his door. He slung a towel around his waist and headed to his front door, opening it when he got there. He was confronted with blue eyes scrutinizing him.

“Did you forget something?”

“Boston.”

“Boston?”

“Yeah. Boston. My safe word.”

Henry cocked his head to the side, a subtle smirk appearing just at one corner of his mouth as he backed up to let Chris in. The door closed behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I should also let you know, dear reader, that although it might appear that the next chapter is these two delicious gentlemen behind closed doors, alas, it is not. They are being very closed-mouthed with me about what happened. I have tried bribes (I'll make you the central character, I promise), I have tried threats (I will make sure she ends up with the other one), all to no avail. I have told them, though, that they are not allowed to be teases forever. There will be a future chapter about another instance of them, but it won't be the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

The couple of weeks between when Henry left until Chris was scheduled to get to town passed by agonizingly slowly for Jules. She missed Henry and found every opportunity to text and call and Skype she could. _Especially_ Skype. It wasn’t much, given his crazy schedule, but they were able to feel like they were keeping in touch.

With Chris it was different. Jules had only heard from him a few times. First was just the typical ‘how are you’ text, and then to let her know when he’d be in town and would she be available. And then that phone call because of that _stupid_ dream she’d had. She had been pretty rattled until she saw his name pop up on her phone. Once she heard his voice, though, she felt like a bit of an idiot. Actually, more than a bit. She’d gotten away with telling him she didn’t want to talk about what had spooked her, just that she’d wanted to make sure that they were okay. He seemed to buy it.

Jules knew that before they were going to see each other that Chris was going to be at TIFF so she expected he’d be exhausted when he arrived in LA. Maybe she could find a place for them to go, maybe a beach house up along the central coast. Maybe he’d like that. Maybe he’d appreciate the thought and would find it relaxing.

She never found out.

Chris had texted her the day before he was supposed to arrive that he’d had something come up last minute and he couldn’t make it. She was extremely disappointed but didn’t let it show. Texting was good for that kind of thing. She’d texted him back that of course she understood, things happen, but that she’d keep her schedule free anyway. She hoped she’d be able to see him, but she didn’t.

She felt like she was losing touch with him. She’d only heard from him one other time when she let him know she’d be on the east coast and maybe she could come to him, rather than making him travel. All she got was an ‘I’ll let you know’, and then nothing else. She started wondering if she’d ever see him. She pulled back and stopped trying to contact him and she couldn’t help but clam up around Henry, too. She was terrified of getting hurt.

Truth be told, back in San Diego, if they’d forced her to make a choice, she would have had no trouble choosing Chris. She thought him so talented and genuine and handsome. He seemed to really care about his fans and doing his absolute best. Not that Henry didn’t feel that way, or that he wasn’t all those things, she was simply less familiar with him, with his work and with who he was.

Given how things had progressed, though, she realized she would have made a huge mistake if she had chosen. Henry couldn’t have been more perfect. Jules knew he wasn’t actually perfect, but he’d been so present with her, so focused on them when they were together. She knew his mind wasn’t elsewhere when they were talking. He made her feel special, appreciated. Cherished. It was a far cry from her past relationships.

She’d thought, hoped, really, that she might experience that kind of closeness with Chris, but he wasn’t communicating or making an effort. Jules was pretty sure he was regretting asking to get to know her, to see her after San Diego since he was obviously avoiding her.

She did her best to shield herself from anything gossip or news-wise where he was concerned. She was sure he’d started to see someone and that’s why he was, for the most part, out of the picture. Any time one of the local news stations started in on anything that could be tied back to him, she changed the channel or turned off the television. She didn’t want to inadvertently see him.

Poor Henry had bared the brunt of the fallout. He’d tried, really he had. He kept texting, calling, trying to get her on Skype, trying to keep things going. It was hard, though. She didn’t want to complain about one man she wanted to see to another she was seeing. That would have been poor form.

That’s why she was stunned when she answered the early morning knock at her door, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, to find Chris on her doorstep. A million thoughts ran through her mind as she stood there, mouth agape.

“Hi.”

“Hi there yourself, beautiful.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I gambled, hoping you’d kept your week free. Did you? May I see you this week?”

“Yeah, I, I kept my schedule free.” She shook her head, trying to come back to the here and now. She’d landed late the night before from her week-long trip to New York and only recognizing her pillow when she’d woken up to the knock told her brain she was home. “I’m sorry, I’m being very rude. I really wasn’t expecting to see you. God, I haven’t invited you in. Would you like to come in?”

“Are you sure it’s okay? I mean, I did show up out of the blue. Did I wake you?”

She reached out and took his hand, gazing into his eyes as she gently tugged his hand, getting him to cross her threshold.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I hadn’t meant it.” She graced him with her smile and he was completely under her spell. “Please come in. It’s been too long. Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink? I’ve got some orange juice, or iced tea? Maybe something else?”

“Whatever you’re having is good.”

“Orange juice and iced tea it is then. I’ll be right back. Please, make yourself at home.”

Jules headed into the kitchen and stopped in the middle of the room, trying to get her bearings and calm her heart. She needed the rushing sound of blood in her ears to go away. She stood there, taking a few steadying breaths and trying to still her shaking hands. She felt his hands, palms flat and fingers splayed, caress her from her shoulders to her waist before circling her, pulling her to him as he cradled her against his chest. She put her arms on top of his, the only part of him she could easily touch, as he rested his chin on her shoulder. They stood for several minutes, silent, adjusting to each other, trying to get their hearts and breathing to slow, to let the excitement of being in each other’s company wane, if it would.

It didn’t.

Chris was the first to speak. “Oh god, this was a mistake.”

Jules, startled out of her stupor, tried to get away from Chris, but his arms only held tighter.

“Baby, now that I have you in my arms I want nothing more than to make love to you. But I need to do like I said I wanted and get to know you, which means I think I shouldn’t be holding you like this, but I can’t let you go. I need you to tell me to let you go.”

His words had stilled her panicking brain. “No.”

“No?”

“No, I won’t tell you to let me go,” Jules leaned her head back and against his, closing her eyes and relaxing into his embrace. “Not when that’s what I want, too.”

She tried to turn but he wouldn’t let her.

“Jules, you facing me isn’t a good idea right now. I’ll kiss you.”

“Kissing me isn’t a good idea?” She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face if she tried.

“Kissing you is the best idea in the world. The problem is I won’t be able to stop at just kissing.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“But we want to get to know each other, don’t we?”

“Yes, of course we do. But how likely is it that I’ll remember anything about you, anything that we discuss? I don’t think I’d be able to answer any question you have when all I can think of is the hair on your chest and how it tickled my fingers and my palms when I ran my hands over you. Or your lips,” here he was, holding her, and yet he felt like he was farther away than he had been when he was in Boston. She sighed, remembering the feel of his lips on her and how he would kiss her, taking his time, and even with Henry there it had felt like they were the only two people in the world. She wanted that again. “How your lips would coax the most unladylike sounds out of me. Chris, all I can think of right now is you and making love to you. Why would you deny that? It’s what we both want, isn’t it?”

“Fuck, beautiful. You are so tempting. But what if I don’t deserve you?”

Had he shown up to tell her he’d fallen in love with Henry? That he was seeing someone else? That he’d changed his mind about her? Jules tried to wake up as she cursed her overactive imagination.

“What do you mean?”

“This is hard to admit.”

Jules felt a burning in the pit of her stomach. She was now prepared for the worst.

“That’s okay. Go ahead. I can take it, whatever it is.”

“I feel awful that I cancelled at the last minute on you. That was just wrong of me.”

“But you had something come up, that’s okay.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t try to make me feel better.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t deserve it. I felt, well, okay. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.” He buried his face in her hair, doing everything he could to hide. “I felt like I couldn’t compete with Henry and the amazing time that the two of you had while he was here. It sounded like you guys really connected and I knew, well, anyway, I had my friends make plans and used that as an excuse to back out of our plans.

“Oh.” Jules felt the tears start to come. “Look, Chris-”

“I know what you’re going to say, and I am so sorry.”

“No baby, you don’t. I need you to loosen your grip.”

She felt what she assumed was his anxiety as he clenched her even closer when all she wanted to do was allay his fears.

“Please?”

He was ready for her to walk away when he loosened his grip. Instead, she turned and put her arms around his waist.

“Please look at me, Chris.”

All she saw was pain and hurt in his eyes, and he, tears in hers.

“I am so sorry. I had no idea I said anything that made you think that I didn’t want to see you.”

“You didn’t. I talked with Henry after he left, checking up on the timing for my trip, and he gushed on and on about you and his time here. I don’t blame him. You’re pretty terrific, you know.”

“Wait, he talked to you? About our time together?”

“Nothing specific. And I didn’t ask for anything specific. He was just gushing, that’s all, and since he can’t talk to anyone else about you, since that’s what we agreed to, he talked to me. Don’t be upset with him.”

“I’m not. My time with him doesn’t affect my time with you, or vice versa. At least, I don’t think it does, or it will. I really don’t know. I’ve never done anything like this before and I’m kinda flying by the seat of my pants.”

“This is harder than I thought it was going to be.”

“And now you know why I wanted to say no to both of you. I couldn’t choose between you. Actually, that’s not true. I could have, but one of you would have been hurt and I couldn’t do that.” Her eyes widened at her realization of what she’d just revealed.

“Who would you have chosen?”

“I will absolutely not tell you. Never. Ever. Please don’t ever ask again. I couldn’t hurt either one of you.” Jules arched her back, putting a bit of distance between them. “I could never hurt one of you like that.”

Chris realized something. “You are a gentle soul, aren’t you?”

“I care about both of you. I could never intentionally hurt you like that. Never.”

Neither of them wavered and they found themselves being drawn closer and closer. Chris rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes as he clenched her to him.

“Baby, I meant what I said before. Once I start kissing you, I won’t be able to stop.”

“So who’s stopping you?”

“You are evil. I really don’t want to make love in the kitchen, not for our _first_ time.”

“Um, I hate to quibble with you, but this isn’t our first time.”

“Yeah, it is. It’s just the two of us. It’s our first time. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed you until I saw your gorgeous face when you answered the door. Come on, bedroom?”

“You could certainly kiss me here in the kitchen.”

“I’d really rather be in the bedroom when we start.”

Jules eased her hand to his face and stroked his lips with her thumb.

“You are teasing me now, aren’t you?”

“Little bit.”

“I am barely holding on by a thread. Bedroom. Now. Unless you want me to shove you up against that wall and… wait a minute! That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want me to strip you bare, shove you up against that wall and fuck you until you scream, don’t you?”

“Damn, you caught me.”

“You are going to kill me, aren’t you? Are you trying to? Seriously, woman, bedroom.”

“But- Chris! Put me down!” Jules couldn’t help the peals of laughter coming from her.

Chris’d had enough and tossed Jules over his shoulder. If she wasn’t going to lead him to her bedroom, he’d find it himself.

“Come on! Put me down!” She struggled for only a few seconds before he tightened his grip and swatted her behind.

“Behave!”

Both of them were smiling and laughing, enjoying this ‘battle’.

“Or what?”

“Or I will make you behave, woman.” She could hear his smile.

“Yeah, right.”

Chris found her bedroom, the lavender and grey and just slept in bed a dead giveaway, and tossed her onto the bed.

“What, you think I can’t get you to behave?”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Are you seriously challenging me? You might want to rethink that.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll have you begging me in no time.”

Jules got up from the bed and stood directly in front of Chris, an air of defiance about her as she fought the grin trying to find a home on her face.

“Begging you to what?”

Chris stood tall as he ran his finger up her throat to her chin, tipping her head back before running it back down, tickling her most sensitive spots along the way to the back of her head. He fisted her hair, holding her in place as he bent to within a hair’s breadth of her lips.

“You will be begging me to make love to you, to let you come.”

He felt himself get even harder, if that were possible, as he watched the mischief dance in her eyes as her grin finally found its way out into the open.

“Do your worst.”

>< 

It was later that day when things ended up changing for them. They’d gotten past the raw desire, the need for a physical connection and to feel skin, and were able to start talking and learning about one another. Jules kept steering the conversation back around to Chris’s work, not acting, but everything that he wanted to do in the future, every time he began to enquire about her occupation. She’d learned about his desire to direct and they got so engrossed in that conversation that it took several hours for Chris to realize that Jules hadn’t yet told him what she did. He had to admire just how adept she was at steering the conversation and knew he was going to have to pay more attention to what she was doing.

They’d come in from a brisk walk on the beach. The nice part about doing it during the week in October was that there were so few people to run into. Chris built a fire while Jules fixed some drinks. They sat on the sofa and cuddled together watching the flames dance on the logs and relaxing while warming up.

It was now or never.

“So, Jules, I’m going to out and out ask you since you keep dancing around it when I try to ask-”

“You want to know what I do, don’t you?”

Her directness caught him by surprise. “Yeah.”

“So, I take it you haven’t googled my name, right?”

“Right. I hadn’t even thought to do that. I don’t do that kind of thing.”

She’d known this was coming and was prepared. She picked up her tablet from the coffee table and pulled up her author page on Amazon.com and handed her tablet to him. She got up and headed to the kitchen to freshen up her barely touched drink. She couldn’t be on the sofa, near him, when he found out.

Jules was dropping some ice into her glass when she heard her front door open and close. The heavy tumbler slipped from her fingers and broke as it hit her counter, some of the pieces fell and shattered on her marble floor.

A former beau had left her when he found out she was a writer and googled her. Another had read her debut, the one she gifted to him and asked him to read and give her his feedback, and called it unreadable. After that she’d stopped telling people what she did.

And Chris left, didn’t even say goodbye. Well, at least she didn’t-

“Don’t move! Don’t move! Are you hurt? Did you get cut?”

“No, I’m fine.” She couldn’t hide the tears or the shock at seeing him.

“Then why the tears, baby?”

She ignored his question. “I need to get this cleaned up.” She felt silly for the tears and started to move. Chris just about had a conniption.

“Don’t fucking move!”

She halted in her tracks as he darted back to the living room to slip on his shoes.

“I don’t want you to cut yourself.” He strode to her. “Come on, baby, I got you.” For once, he didn’t sling her over his shoulder, as both the men in her life were in the habit of doing when they carried her. He carted her into the other room and sat with her on his lap.

“Now, are you okay?”

She couldn’t look at him as she nodded.

“Jules, will you tell me what’s wrong?”

This time she closed her eyes as she shook her head. Her face flushed a deep red.

“Well, as long as you’re not hurt, and as long as I didn’t do anything wrong…” He was fishing. He had no idea what had caused the disturbance.

“No on both accounts.”

“And you’re not going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“No, it’s stupid and I don’t want you to think any less of me.”

“Honey, that’s not possible.”

She realized what he said and huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, you can’t think any less of me because you already think so little of me. Good to know, Evans.”

He was happy her spirits were picking up. At least, that’s how he interpreted it. “I seriously should have known you were a writer.”

That stopped her cold.

“Look.” He reached over and picked up his iPad. When he pulled up his Kindle app she saw him open a collection entitled ‘Roman’ and she peered at the screen. He had them all. He’d even preordered Grey.

“I have no idea why I didn’t put two and two together. I feel really stupid now.”

“Please. It’s not the kind of thing that people think of. Even after I asked if you’d googled me, you didn’t put two and two together. It’s not a surprise. None of my books have been made into a movie yet, and I’m a far cry from a household name.”

“I heard someone was trying to option them.”

“Why would you have heard that?”

“Because I’d put some feelers out myself.”

“Seriously?” she leaned slightly away, not sure what to think.

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to play Karl since Blue.” He didn’t let on that he’d been thinking of directing, too.

“When did you read it?”

“Pretty soon after it came out. Someone handed me Yellow as I was getting ready for Sunshine. I guess they thought they were funny. I saw Blue when I was in the airport on my way to my next job. I was hooked with Yellow, but Blue did me in. I’ve wanted to be Karl ever since. I knew I wasn’t ready for it, but I think I am now. That is, if it ever gets optioned. My agent said that lots of people have tried.”

“Yeah, they have.” She spoke slowly, wondering why she hadn’t seen him as Karl before. She wondered if Henry wanted to play Theo.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what seems to be the sticking point?”

“I want script approval.”

“That might take a while.”

“Well, what’s her face who wrote that 50 Shades of Shit got it, so why shouldn’t I? I don’t have the following she does, but my stories sure as hell are better. They’re my characters. I don’t need to sell the stories, I make enough for me. But if I’m going to, I don’t want to alienate any fans I might have. A writer of serial novels like that never alienates her small and loyal fan base. Déjà vu. Just had this conversation.”

“With?”

“Three guesses, and the first two don’t count.”

“He didn’t tell me this.” Chris was really just talking to himself.

“Was this when he was gushing?”

“No. I saw him when I was in London.”

Jules got a sense of someone walking over her grave. The little hairs all over her body stood on end as she felt a chill come over her.

“What was that, baby?”

“Oh, just that ridiculous dream I had.”

“What, the one you wouldn’t tell me about?”

She realized she’d spoken without thinking, very unlike her. She screwed her mouth to the side, biting the inside of her lip. “Yeah.”

“Will you tell me about it now?”

“You’re gonna think I’m nuts.”

“No, I’m not. Look, it’s been weeks. If it’s still in your head that’s not a good sign. Come on, baby, out with it.”

“Fine, but if you start looking at me funny I swear, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll do something. Torture you somehow, probably.”

Chris had the briefest memory of cold steel handcuffs flash through his mind before he laughed with Jules.

“Spill.”

“Okay, fine. I dreamt that you and Henry, this is so embarrassing, you ended up deciding you’d rather be a duo, just the two of you.”

“Oh Jules, baby, not gonna happen.” Chris knew immediately that he was going to need to get ahold of Henry and they had to let her know about them. Not that there was a “them”, per se, but they shouldn’t be hiding anything from her. Not that they were hiding anything from her but, well, damn this was complicated.

As she settled against his chest, cuddling and calming herself down and relieved she’d gotten that out of her system, Chris pulled out his phone and texted Henry behind Jules’ back where she couldn’t see what he was doing. He knew it was late, but he was pretty sure Henry was still working. Once they’d exchanged a few notes back and forth, Henry called Jules’ phone and asked to be put on speaker.

As he had done during his conversation with Chris, Henry took the lead. He let her know that Chris had been in touch with him and they needed to let her know about something that had happened. He explained a bit of what had happened without going into specifics. Not surprisingly, Jules freaked. The fact that they wouldn’t give specifics seemed to be a sticking point for her until Henry pointed out that she’d insisted, and rightly so, that things that happened needed to stay compartmentalized. Anything that happened between them wouldn’t be shared with Chris and between Chris and Jules wouldn’t be shared with him.

She realized he was right.

“Henry, I’m sorry, of course you shouldn’t talk about your relationship. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I had a bit of premonition, but-”

“Jules, let me stop you right there. It isn’t a relationship. It’s hard to explain what it is. I’m not going to Boston to visit Chris, he’s not coming to London to see me. _If_ we’re in the same town, we might see each other if we have time. You know, go out to dinner, that kind of thing. We’ve talked about it and we’re friends. Whatever else might happen between us, and nothing is planned, darling, it’s just friendship.

“It’s only friendship, that’s all it will ever be.” Chris wanted Jules to know that he was in complete agreement with Henry. “There are no emotions between us, and there won’t ever be any. It was just something physical. It won’t turn into something more.”

“But how can you be sure?”

“I know what love feels like, darling. What Chris and I are? Nothing but friends. Nothing more.”

“Agreed.”

“Okay, that’s the way it is now, but things can change.”

“Jules?” Chris had to get her to see that she was wrong.

“Yes?”

“Who’s your best friend?”

“Georgia, I call her George.”

“And you love Georgia?”

“Yes.”

“Could you ever be _in love_ with Georgia?”

“N-, oh. Okay.”

“Do you see?”

“Yeah, I see. I get it. You know what? Please do me a favor and just forget this call, okay?”

Henry’s chuckle came through loud and clear.

“Of course, darling. Now, do me a favor? Spend time with Chris, enjoy your time with him. Get to know him. He’s a good man.”

“Okay.”

“And Jules?

“Yes, Henry?”

“Call me after he leaves, okay? We’ll have a good long talk.”

“Okay. I feel so _stupid_.”

“Jules, stop that.” Henry’s annoyance came through loud and clear. “You know my rule. You’re not allowed to call yourself stupid.”

She let out quite the audible sigh. “Yeah.”

Chris and Jules heard a muffled sound before “they’re calling me back to the set. Just give me a call when you have time. As long as I’m not shooting a scene, I’ll pick up, darling. Always.”

“Thanks, Henry. We’ll talk soon. Bye.”

Chris could tell she was still a bit apprehensive so he slung his arms around her and kissed her on the temple.

“I want to do something for you tonight. How about I fix dinner?”

“Why?”

Chris didn’t answer. Rather, he gave her a soft kiss.

“I, I just want to. I’m going to go to the store, pick some things up. Do you need anything?”

“No. What are you making?”

He could tell she was trying, but their just completed conversation had her a bit on edge. Maybe a little playfulness on his part would get her to relax?

“It’s a surprise.”

“Does it have bacon in it? You know, everything _is_ better with bacon.”

“Then how about I cook breakfast tomorrow morning, too?”

“Ah, so that’s a ‘no’ on the bacon. Shame. Although, I am glad you’re planning on staying the night.”

Chris shook his head and chuckled. “Why don’t you go relax by the fire while I fix dinner. I’ll join you when it’s in the oven.”

“You know what? I think I’ll do that, after I clean up the broken glass.”

“No. I got that, too. Go take a load off.”

“But you’re a guest in my house, you shouldn’t be cleaning up after my clumsiness.”

“Come on. Be my good girl and go relax. I’ll be in when I’m done.”

Chris knew what he was doing when he called her his good girl. He saw her face flush and the corners of her mouth creep up. He liked her like that.

He took care of the glass and, after getting direction to the closest grocer, was back from the store in a flash. He made lasagna and popped it into the oven to cook. The thing he liked about lasagna was it would keep if you didn’t eat it right away, and he most definitely had plans for Jules.

He grabbed a beer and headed to the living room where he was surprised by the tears on her face. He sat on the floor, next to her, in front of the roaring fire. She’d been stoking it.

“Why the tears, baby?”

“I’m just being stupid. Don’t worry about me.”

“Last thing first: I like worrying about you. I don’t like hearing you call yourself stupid. Didn’t Henry say something about it’s not allowed? Not allowed around me, either.”

Jules snuggled into his side, letting herself get lost in the moment with him.

“It’s just these emotions, that’s all.”

“Emotions aren’t stupid. Come on, tell me what’s got you down.”

“I heard you puttering around in my kitchen-”

“I don’t putter.”

“Okay, okay. I heard you making dinner and I realized I really liked hearing you in there-”

“Are you about to tell me my place is in your kitchen?”

He realized he’d gone too far when she pulled away from him.

“Chris, would you stop? Please? You asked me what was up and I’m trying to tell you and you-”

He quickly put his hand over her mouth. “Baby, you seemed down and all I was trying to do was make you laugh, lighten the mood, and it didn’t work. Sorry.” He tucked her hair behind her ear, caressing her overly-sensitive neck with the tips of his fingers to get her to shudder. Mission accomplished. “So, you heard me in there and you liked hearing me in there and…”

“And I realized I’m going to really miss you when you leave and I got sad and that’s when you came in.”

“Oh, honey.” Chris manhandled Jules until she sat with her back against his chest as he braced himself against the sofa. His arms were around her, hugging her as close to him as he could. “First, I’ve only been here a few hours, we still have lots of time together.”

“I know I’m being silly.”

“Gorgeous, if I didn’t’ have to go, I wouldn’t. I’d stay here forever with you, just like this if I could.”

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up at that admission. Jules found out it’s almost impossible to slow down a heart that suddenly speeds up like that.

That was when everything changed for them.

Chris took his time. He couldn’t give a name to what was happening between them. _I don’t have a right to do that, not yet_. He wasn’t sure what was happening with Jules, what was going on in her head with respect to either Henry or him, and he didn’t want to pressure her. What he did want was their time together, especially that moment, to be memorable.

Gone was the urgency of wanting to touch. It was replaced by the desire to feel. His movements, unhurried and deliberate, were to establish a connection. His exploration was thorough. It was the very essence of that cliché: speaking without using words.

As they kissed and made love in front of the fire, Jules felt something of Chris slip into her, into her marrow and her soul. Just as had occurred when she was with Henry, her world changed. Chris was now a part of her and always would be.

>< 

After the intimate week they’d had, Chris knew Jules would be upset when he left. He decided to pack early in the morning, while she was still asleep. He’d moved his things into her guest bedroom at her insistence, not wanting him wasting a minute of his time in town in transit. She’d wanted to clear out a couple of drawers in her room for him, but he hadn’t wanted to put her out. She ended up being grateful for that as she was greeted, time and time again, with him entering and exiting her bedroom with not a stitch of clothing on his gorgeous body. She paused whatever she was doing, each and every time, to enjoy the view.

He packed and got everything ready before he slipped back into bed with her. They still had a few hours and he woke her to take full advantage of that time; he could always sleep on the plane. It would be a while before they saw each other again, just the two of them, and he wanted her to have her last memory of him make her smile any time she thought of it.

Right before he left he swore to her he would call and text regularly. He wanted to hear her laughter and voice and he wanted her to hear his. It would be just about a month before they would see each other again when it would be the three of them reunited. He asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She remarked that the best gift would be to have both of them with her. She didn’t need any more than that.

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed some more as they were reluctant to part company. Chris didn’t know if he could be the stronger of the two until he realized she wouldn’t voluntarily let him go. It broke his heart to see tears cascading down her cheeks as she closed her door, but he had commitments that he couldn’t break.

On the other side of the door, Jules dialed a number she hadn’t used in a couple of weeks, trying to compose herself for what was going to be an awkward call.

“Hi Henry.”


	5. Chapter 5

True to his word, once he was back in Boston, Chris called Henry and they discussed the gift that Chris had in mind. He pulled up a couple of pictures and sent them off and once he saw them, Henry loved the idea and agreed to it. Chris had everything ready to go and quickly put the order in. Chris hoped the gift would be ready by her birthday. He’d been reassured it would be, but sometimes deadlines were missed. He anxiously awaited its completion.

They each volunteered that they were going to get her an individual gift for her as well. A thought occurred to Chris.

“Henry, how upset would you be if I stuck around for an extra day or two, after we’re done with her birthday? I don’t think I’ll be able to see her again until New Year’s”

“If she doesn’t have a problem with it then I sure don’t. I don’t know that I’ll be able to get away, but if I can, you’re going to see her after?”

“Yep. Definitely can’t before.”

“What if I can only add time to see her after?”

“Then I’ll have to pull rank on you. You’ve had many more days with her.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Even if I’d kept that weekend, you’d still have me by a week.”

Henry had only been testing him and was glad Chris had changed his tune.

“So, Friday morning through Monday night it’ll be the three of us. Any time I can add will be at the front, yours will be at the back, assuming she’s free. You’ll have our gift and yours, I’ll have mine. I don’t want there to be any awkwardness about the gifts. I’ve been able to get Ken Follett to autograph Pillars of the Earth for her and when she’s over here next summer, Ken’s agreed to a dinner with her.”

“You don’t mess around, do you?”

“No, I don’t. What about you? What did you get her?”

“I cannot even believe these words are coming out of my mouth. She’s never been to either Disneyland or Disneyworld. I am going to take her to both.”

“She’s going to love that!”

“You think? It certainly isn’t a book signed by her favorite author.”

“No, it’s much better. She’s going to have a marvelous time with you. Hey, I need to get to the set, but I’ll send you my flight information when I have it booked. Should be sometime this week.”

“Me, too. Have a good one.”

>< 

While most of their conversations over the next weeks were about their plans for Jules’ birthday, Henry and Chris had truly started to develop a friendship. Granted, it was borne out of this crazy arrangement they had, but they had a lot of similarities in their lives, beyond Jules, that very few people could understand. They’d started to use each other as sounding boards for things they were having to deal with, each giving the other their opinion.

A few days before Henry left so he could visit Jules early, he got a text with some pictures attached: her gift had arrived. He was more than pleased with how they turned out, and called Chris. They finalized their plans. They had gone back and forth and finally decided that all the gifts would be given at the same time on her birthday.

In the end, Henry was only able to get away a few days early. He’d had a last minute meeting come up that postponed his trip by a couple of days. He didn’t understand why, in this day and age, it had to be in person. It could easily have been handled on Skype. He hated hearing the masked disappointment in Jules’s voice but there was nothing he could do. He was able to get the producers to move some things around so he could take an earlier flight. It would put him getting in just after midnight, but he’d rather have those few more hours with her, even if it was just sleeping.

His flight was a little late getting in so by the time he got to her place, it was almost 2. He probably would have found a hotel nearby if her front light hadn’t been on. He knew she’d been anxiously awaiting his arrival, given all the text messages he received when he landed. He paid the taxi driver and slung his bag over his shoulder as he walked through her gate. He heard the click of her door and couldn’t help the smile on his face as he walked up. She was rubbing at her eyes and was quite adorable in a very large Superman t-shirt and he was pretty sure she wouldn’t have anything on underneath. He liked this greeting.

She stood to the side to let him in. She tried to take his garment bag but he wouldn’t let her. He went straight to her bedroom and hung it up. Before he could turn around, he felt her arms about his waist as she pressed up against his back. He tried to turn, but she moved with him, staying at his back.

“I just want to be happy you’re here for a moment, if that’s okay.”

“Can’t you be happy and kiss me at the same time?”

“Well, I’ll be happy when kissing you, that’s true, but I don’t want to be distracted from just being happy you’re here.”

“And kissing you would distract you?”

“Yes.”

Henry indulged Jules. As much as he ached to have her in his arms, kissing her, if this made her happy then he was content. Suddenly, her arms were no longer wrapped around him, nor was she pressed to him.

“Okay, good night, see you in the morning.”

That caught Henry’s attention. He turned around to see her walking to her bed. When she glanced over her shoulder at him, he couldn’t help but laugh at the gleam in her eye. Instead of laying down, Jules sat on the edge of the bed. He took the few steps necessary when she crooked her finger at him. She reached up and grabbed the front of his shirt, tugging him down to her level. He got to his knees in front of her.

“I like your choice in wardrobe this evening.” He traced his finger over the symbol for hope. He confirmed that she wasn’t wearing a bra. Now, what about knickers…

“What, this ol’ thing?”

She looked down, only to have Henry stroke her cheek, enticing her to look at him.

“I’ve missed you, Henry.”

“I’ve missed you too, darling. Would I still be distracting you from your happy if I were to kiss you?”

“Not anymore. It would only make my happy bigger, if that makes any sense.”

“It does.”

As he kissed her neck, reacquainting himself with her delightful sounds, Jules tried to string some words together. It was a pathetic attempt, really. She had better luck just using her hands.

She pulled at his shirt, not wanting to take it off, at least not yet. She needed his warm skin under her hands.

“Patience, Jules.” He took her hands in his as he continued to lavish attention on her neck.

“Henry?”

“Yes?”

“If you’re not going to let me feel you, the least you can do is kiss me.”

“You want me to kiss you?”

“Yes.”

“How about you get on the bed first.”

Jules couldn’t help the brief pout. She was more than frustrated with Henry. They hadn’t seen each other in two months and all she’d had were some hugs and him kissing her neck.

“What’s wrong?”

She couldn’t answer him as she got up and went out to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. She knew Henry would follow her, so she had only a few seconds to try to get rid of this craziness that was inside of her.

“Jules, what is wrong?”

She’d been right. She finished drinking her glass of water and put her glass in the dishwasher. She turned, walked to Henry, and put the top of her head on his sternum as she put her arms about him. After several deep and measured breaths to calm herself down, she moved so she could hear his heartbeat and start to leech the heat of his body. She reminded Henry of a cat as he stroked her back and she moved to get his hand just where she wanted it. His heartbeat, its rhythm fast but steady, calmed her enough to speak.

“I finished White earlier.”

“You finished what?”

“White. Black is Christmas this year. Grey is next summer. White is next Christmas, well, that is if they want to publish it for Christmas. The series is done. I mean, I’ve still got to do a full read through in a couple of weeks, well, I’ll wait until after Christmas, and then a heavy edit after that and then I turn it in and they do their round of edits, but I’m done. I’m actually several months, no, almost a year ahead of schedule.”

“Wow, congratulations.”

Jules let go of Henry and walked back over to the refrigerator, this time grabbing a bottle of wine and pouring a little, just enough for a couple of sips really.

“Thanks. I’m, well, I’m exhausted. I’ve been doing final edits on Grey since last week, all while finishing this one up, and next week I head out to do the book tour for Black and I hate those but they’re also my favorite and I’ve had so little sleep since Chris left because it’s been nothing but work and now you’re here and all I want to do is sleep with you and I mean _sleep_ sleep not sex sleep but seriously I really want that too but I really want to fall asleep in your arms because I know you’ll protect me from anything bad that will happen not that anything bad will but this is just how I get after I finish a book and I’m sure you think I’m a bit crazy or manic right now and I am but this is normal and it’ll go away but I also think it’s going to be worse because I’ve finally finished the whole series.”

Henry was having a hard time keeping up with how quickly she was talking. What she was saying was starting to sink in as she took her breath before she continued.

“I’m just, I’m exhausted and I need you and I want nothing more than just to kiss you but I know you want more-”

“Stop.”

Jules took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to get herself under control. She knew she sounded crazy. She hadn’t aimed to be done with her book. She hadn’t even planned on starting it any time soon, but right after Chris left, within hours of his departure, actually, after she got off the phone with Henry, she’d had a brainstorm and she went to work and everything fell into place.

Hell, if Henry had seen her just 18 hours earlier, he probably would have walked right back out that door and kept going. She wouldn’t have blamed him one bit.

“Look, Henry, I get a little nuts right after I’ve finished a book. I feel like I’ve bared my soul. This happens every time. I get a bit manic.”

“What do you normally do to come down?”

“I’ve tried a bunch of different things but nothing seems to work. It normally takes a few days for me to fully come down. I put so much of myself into it, into my writing. Not that it’s me on that page, but it is. It’s my thoughts, anyway. And I get a bit paranoid, thinking that everyone’s going to hate it and then hate me, and it’s just so hard. I normally only have to wait about six months or so to find out, whether or not they hate me, that is. This one, it’ll be a year. Or, oh shit, it could be longer if they don’t change the schedule. Can you, would you just hold me for now? I’ve never had this, someone here so close to when I finished, and I think if you held me I’d be better.”

Henry stepped up to and leaned back against the counter, spread his legs and held his arms open. Jules walked over to him, tucked her arms in and he held her. He was so warm and comforting, just what she needed. She melted.

“Jules, are you happy with how it turned out, your story?”

“Oh yes, very. But I swear, if you’d seen me just this morning…”

“Why’s that, darling?”

“I was bawling my eyes out.”

“Why, baby?”

“I can’t tell you, it’d give the story away. But I don’t want to discuss this right now. It’s what, 2:30? I’m not just exhausted, I’m sleep deprived. I think I’ve been up for the past three, maybe four days. Are you hungry? Do you want me to fix you something to eat? Are you tired? From your trip? Oh goodness, I’ve been so rude, how was your trip?”

“Trip was good. I’m drained. How about we go to bed.”

“Do you want to stay with me tonight, in my bed? The guest bedroom is available if you’d rather-”

“Shhhh.”

“But I just want you to know that you don’t have-”

“Darling?”

“Yes, Henry?”

“Shhhh.”

“Okay. No more talking.”

Henry tucked her back under his head and held her close. He liked the way her softness conformed to his body.

Jules knew she’d said no more talking, but she couldn’t help herself. She tilted her head back to see his face. Such a nice face.

“Henry?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I really missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

Jules finally got the kiss she wanted.

>< 

When Henry woke up, he smelled bacon and coffee. He stretched and got up, joining Jules in her kitchen after he took a shower.

When she heard the water running, Jules knew she only had a few minutes before Henry joined her. She quickly set the table and had juice and coffee poured just as he sauntered in, towel wrapped around his hips.

“Good morning, good looking. I see it’s going to be a casual couple of days.”

Henry walked over to the stove and turned off the gas under the bacon.

“Henry, what-”

He smiled at Jules’ squeal as he hoisted her over his shoulder and carried her back to her bedroom. It was his turn to laugh when she pulled off his towel, smacking his bum as he walked.

“You are going to pay for that, young lady.”

“Promise?”

He tossed her onto the bed.

“Promise.”

He reached down and stripped her Superman knickers off, grinning wide as he did. She laughed and covered her face, suddenly embarrassed by the excess of Superman logos that had been adorning her body. Henry saw the flush creep up her neck and reached up, grabbing her hands pulling them away from her face. She scrunched her eyes shut.

“What’s wrong, darling?”

She couldn’t help but laugh and turn away.

“Henry, aren’t you hungry?”

Henry got to his knees on the floor and pulled her to him, grinning as she laughed even harder. He pulled her to a seated position, taking her t-shirt off as she sat up.

“Not for food.”

>< 

They were never really more than an arm’s length away from each other for most of that first day. They took the day to get caught up, having decided not to rush anything. They had not quite two days until Chris would get there and their celebration would get underway. Jules tried, but she couldn’t get Henry to divulge any information about their plans for celebrating her birthday.

They talked and reconnected and ate and slept and made love that first day. They agreed that it was a good thing that they both were trying to catch up on their sleep.

Jules had never been around someone so soon after finishing one of her books. She’d been quite serious in the wee hours of the morning: she always did get a little paranoid, especially thinking that all the fans of the series would end up despising her with her latest efforts. She knew she’d taken quite the chance with this last book, but she thought it her best work of the series. She was pretty sure that people were not going to like what she’d had to do to Jasmine, Theo, and Karl in order to wrap everything up. Hell, most people didn’t even know the series was coming to an end.

She realized, as they sat down to dinner, that she needed to talk to Henry about this. It tied into the negotiations that were still ongoing. It was taking longer than normal, but it couldn’t be helped. First, she’d been in a fairly dark place when she hadn’t heard from Chris. She didn’t like that it sounded like an excuse, but she hadn’t been in the mood to take a look at anything that had been sent over.

Then, after Chris had left, she had her book she was writing and the other one she was editing. She just hadn’t had the time. Her agent had been keeping her abreast of what was happening with the negotiations. The fact that they were still in them was a positive sign. She thought Henry might have questions or want to discuss what was going on, but he hadn’t yet brought it up. Jules wondered if he was waiting for her to bring it up.

Instead, Henry brought up her extended trip to Europe the following summer. Jules had done a bit more research and was trying to put her agenda together. They talked about all the cities she had on her list, and some of those she didn’t have. They discussed the merits of her staying in Paris or Rome, and which might make more sense.

“Jules, I don’t know why you aren’t seriously considering London.”

“Henry-”

“No, listen. It’s pretty central and everyone speaks the same language.”

“No, no, _you_ speak an entirely different language.” She enjoyed teasing Henry. “But seriously, Henry, it’s like, what, seven, eight months away? We don’t know what’s going to be going on then, between us. I mean, what if things go badly?”

“And what if they don’t?”

“But I have to consider Chris in this, too.”

“You know he’s going to be over there quite a bit this summer, right?”

“No, I didn’t know that.”

“Yep, he’s got a couple of movies filming at Pinewood so he’ll be in the area. Look, I get that this is early, but if either Chris or I are still seeing you, or both, well, it’s just something to think about.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“So, different topic. When are you promoting Grey?”

“Nothing’s set in stone yet, but probably mid to end of April, possibly beginning of May-ish.”

“You’re going to be pretty tired after that, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, and if I’m able to have White in the can before, then I’m probably going to do something like go to Hawaii. Ooo, maybe I’ll completely disconnect and go to Tahiti. Just veg on a beach drinking frosty, fruity beverages.”

“That sounds like heaven. You know, that’s right around my birthday, we could always go together. It would be a fun way to celebrate.”

“What, you want to go?” She was surprised at his head nod. She scrutinized his face and knew he was serious. “You really think that would be a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?”

Jules wondered why it was that the men in her life never seemed to consider the big picture.

“Seriously, do you not think? People would take our picture. It would take a little bit of time, maybe a couple of days at most, but we’d be connected. Remember, I will have just gotten off of a book tour. And if everything goes according to your brother’s plan, he will have optioned my books by then and you’d probably be starting, what, casting? Scriptwriting? There’d be enough buzz about it and that would be a reason to connect us. If I’m still seeing Chris, what does that do to him? Do you not get how complicated this is? People, your fans, have a hard time seeing you with anyone. Just imagine if this got out. What would they say?”

“You know what, I don’t care.”

“Nice cavalier attitude. You _will_ care when offers for roles dry up. You _will_ care when producers stop taking your calls. You _will_ care when your fans turn on you, and they recast Superman.”

“That wouldn’t happen. I’ve got a contract.”

“And they’ve probably got some sort of morals clause in there and trust me, they wouldn’t even begin to understand this arrangement and they would absolutely call this immoral.”

“No, they wouldn’t do that.”

“Fine, we’ll agree to disagree on that. For now. You will care, though, when the money to back the films you want to make, out of your production company, dries up and people stop going to see your movies. Same thing would happen to Chris. And my books would never sell again. My publishers would drop me.”

“Come on, that’s absolute worst-case scenario.”

“No, that’s real-case scenario talking.” Jules couldn’t sit still any longer, she had to get up. She was on a roll. “This country is so completely uptight when it comes to relationships and sex if it doesn’t fit into their nice, neat puritanical box, and they use religious arguments when it suits them and they get into everyone else’s business when it isn’t any of theirs. Not really. And they hold up actors and athletes to be heroes when they should be looking to activists and people who make a difference in people’s lives, and scientists and teachers, inventors.”

Henry was awestruck as to how quickly and how far she was spiraling. And she wasn’t done.

“Let’s go one step further. Actually, let’s go many steps further. This continues like this,” Jules started gesturing, making a triangle among Henry, the empty chair at the table, obviously meaning Chris, and herself, “the three of us seeing each other. What happens when you get the questions: why aren’t you dating, why aren’t you seeing anyone? What happens then? What happens when one of us decides she wants to have kids? How would your parents feel about you dating a woman pregnant with another man’s child, and she’s still seeing him? Or, even worse for you, I’m having your child and I’m caught and photographed out with Chris. How the hell do you handle that? I mean, unless we go public with this arrangement… I can’t, I can’t.”

Jules turned and stalked back to her bedroom. Henry felt like he’d been run over by a Mac truck. He’d just gotten up from the table when she came back out, carrying her shoes.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to go clear my head.”

“Let me go get my shoes.”

“No. I need to be alone right now.” Her shoes on, she was out through her front door in a flash.

“Well, that sure wasn’t part of my plan for the night,” Henry muttered.

>< 

Jules didn’t know how long she’d been gone. She did what she could to leave the crap in her head back on the beach, getting pounded by the waves, where it belonged. She did her best to clear her head. Really, she did. She couldn’t, though, no matter how much she tried. She decided to head back home and, if need be, fake it.

When she opened her door, though, that plan went right out the window. Henry was sitting on her sofa, reading. He had a cozy fire going and the lights were low. She glanced over at the dining table and saw that it had been cleared. There was jazz playing in the background. He looked completely at home in her house. She felt awful that she’d just up and left.

Henry looked up when he saw the movement at the front door. Jules was in his arms before she knew he was even up off the sofa.

“Before you say anything, don’t. I get it. I really do. And I know Chris does, too. I got off the phone with him a bit ago.”

She sagged a little, the wind having been let out of her bravado.

“I wish you hadn’t.”

“Jules, you were spiraling, pretty far, and fast, really fast. If you needed both of us to be able to talk you down, I wanted him available.”

“Okay.”

“A lot of what you said made sense.”

“And… so, when are you leaving?”

It saddened him that she thought so little of him, that he’d leave because of this.

“Why do you think I’d leave?”

“Because people leave when I show my true colors.”

“Well, I’m not ‘people’, I’m Henry and I’m not leaving. You were talking about the future, far in the future. I was, too. Well, not quite as far. Jules, we’ll figure this out as we go along. No worries. Seriously, please, stop worrying.”

She knew that wouldn’t happen, but she’d hide it from him as best as she could, for now.

“I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”

“You didn’t ruin dinner. Your plate’s in the oven. Are you hungry? Do you want me to go get it for you?”

“No. I lost my appetite.”

Jules tried to get away from Henry.

“Where are you going now?”

“I just. I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I killed the mood. We were having such a good day and I ruined it.”

“Nope. It’s not ruined for me.”

“Oh come on, how can you say that?”

“Because it’s true? Look, Jules, I’ve been thinking, is it possible some of this is because of your end of your book paranoia, as you put it last night?”

She thought about that, really pondered it. She realized that the extent of her reaction probably stemmed from how vulnerable she always felt when she completed her work. Thing was, though, it was all grounded in realism. She decided to try to let it go, for now.

“Could be, yeah.”

“Okay, then here’s what I propose. For the rest of the night, no more talking about anything having to do with the future, unless it’s the future meaning, like, up through Monday. All we are allowed to talk about that’s in the future is this weekend.”

“Well, _that’s_ gonna be a problem.”

“Why’s that?”

She tried to let her frustration comically show through. She wanted him to stop treating her with kid gloves.

“It is _my_ birthday, but you won’ tell me what the plan is for this weekend. So then how can we talk about it?”

“Precisely.”

“I’m sorry?”

“That’s exactly what I mean.”

“What? I don’t understand, Henry.”

He took her by the hand and led her back to her bedroom.

“Let me show you what I mean.”

She wasn’t sure she was ready for this, but she could see it was important to Henry. He was bearing the brunt of her craziness and she wanted to do better for him. She tried to set everything aside, for now, for him.

He removed her clothing, one article at a time and he took his time doing it. He wanted to savor her, and he wanted her brain in the present, in the here and now.

He couldn’t take his eyes from her as he unbuttoned her black lace blouse. He removed the outer layer, fingers parting the garment and running along her collar bones, dragging the fabric along. He wished she wasn’t wearing anything underneath: he would have loved to have seen how she reacted as the rough, scratchy lace dragged across her bare skin. As it was, the little contact there was between the rough fabric and her body caused a delicious ripple that made her breath stutter.

His hands glided back up her arms, soothing any residual scratch before smoothing back down them to her waist. His hands moved from her waist up, bunching the camisole as he skated over her form. Jules was completely lost in the sensation and had to be prodded to lift her arms overhead. He kept his touch constant, all the way up her arms, until he removed the fabric.

Fingers interlocked, he gently guided her arms down and behind her back as he kissed her neck. Jules stretched her head to the side, encouraging his actions as he inched his way to her shoulder, tugging the straps of her bra out of the way with his teeth.

Henry peppered her skin with kisses, her shoulders and neck, her collarbone and sternum. He got on his knees as he kissed down to her bellybutton, feeling her tummy flutter under his lips as she giggled.

“Keep your hands behind your back. Can you do that for me, darling?”

“Yes, of course.”

He unbelted and unbuttoned her jeans. He took his time, for he was a patient man. He wanted plenty of distance between what had been going on in Jules’s head and what was happening in her bedroom. He needed more from her to make that happen, though.

“Jules, keep your eyes on me, don’t look away.” He slowed even more once he had her full attention. He observed her struggle as she fought to let go of all that was clouding her mind. Henry got a chill when he heard his name pass by her lips in the barest of whispers, knowing that her desire for him was becoming her primary thought.

“There’s my beautiful Jules.” Her smile filled his heart. “There she is.” He tugged her jeans off and helped her to step out of them. His hands caressed the backs of her calves, knees, and thighs before his fingers dug into her softness and under the elastic on her knickers. Her eyes pulsed wider for only a moment.

“You like that, do you?”

Her nod and secret smile encouraged him. He stripped off her lacy knickers before he unbuttoned and shucked his shirt. Her whine put a gleam in his eye.

“Not tonight, baby. You can undress me some other time.

He removed his trousers and pants after he stood, tugging her to him. They kissed as they got on the bed, her legs parting for him and her feet finding the backs of his knees. After a few minutes of kissing, he rolled them over and sat her up atop him.

“Grab a condom.”

“A little bossy, aren’t we?”

“Yes. Now grab a condom.”

She pondered her choices for a moment and then, with a lopsided smile, reached for her bedside table and his preferred brand. When she sat back up, she didn’t move, awaiting further instruction.

Henry was pleased she was willing to play this game again.

“Put it on me.”

He knew she’d stroke him a bit, play with him. He’d seen this side of her come out when he was at her place two months ago. He enjoyed her playful side. He knew if he was able to get her to play, she’d have stopped thinking.

After a few of her soft caresses meant to torture, Jules finally put the condom on and straddled him, hands on his pectorals. She started stroking him, rocking her hips back and forth, teasing him with her soaking wet heat.

“I want you to ride me, baby.”

“Oh, I will. I’m just making sure you’re ready for me. Are you ready for me, Henry?”

He saw her eyes cross and roll as his head rubbed against her clit. She repeated the maneuver, her head lolled to the back as her mouth opened and her breathing got heavy. He reached up and unhooked her bra, dragging the straps down her arms and tossing it to the floor. His thumbs running over her nipples stilled her movement for a few seconds before she reached back and positioned him at her entrance.

Jules swiveled her hips as she took him in, teasing him by not taking him all the way. She used her hands, firm on his chest, to propel herself back up, swatting his hands as they moved down to her hips.

“You put me in charge, remember?”

Henry became an impatient man as she teased him time and time again, sinking onto him but only partway. He finally grabbed her hands as she was sinking down, pulling them up by his shoulders and drawing her close. He planted his feet on the bed and thrust up into her as his arms captured her waist, anchoring her to him. Her startled cry settled into a groan. They quickly found their rhythm, bodies parting and coming together. It was an easy tempo, set to draw out their experience. Neither was in a rush to finish.

They kissed, slow and deep, tongues moving in time with their bodies. They took their time, kissing and pausing, sharing smiles and sighs and moans and breath, before kissing again.

Jules knew, from the last time Henry had been in town, that he had quite the stamina like this; he could make love for what felt like hours. They had joked, saying it was probably only five minutes but since neither of them ever wanted to check the clock, they’d never know.

It was good for a while, but Jules needed more. She planted her elbows by his head and tried to break free of his vice-like grip.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I just want to sit up. I want to be back in control.”

“You want to slow down?”

“No.”

“Mmmm, aren’t you the impatient one. I think I want to keep it just like this for a while. I like being inside you, Jules. You are so warm and wet, and so _tight_ , and you feel so good wrapped around me.”

Henry knew he had to give Jules just a bit more. His kiss, still slow, was far more passionate. She fought him for a while before she hummed her approval and stopped struggling against him. He knew she had finally surrendered to him. With that realization came an urgent need to feel her body quiver and shake and pulse around him.

He squeezed his hand in between their bodies and found her, swollen, wet, and sensitive to his touch. His first pass over her and he was pretty sure his ear would be ringing for a while, as loud as her cry was.

“That’s it baby. Come for me.”

Henry was an expert at her body, knowing just how much was needed for her to fly apart, her soft, high-pitched staccato whine turning to a low, throaty roar that entered his body, moving along his spine and warming his heart.

“That’s my girl.”

She came apart for him three more times, the last being his undoing. He could never hold it together when she was so spent that no sound came out of her when her body gripped and pulsed around him, and this time was no exception.

They collapsed, completely spent. Several minutes went by before Henry moved Jules to his side. He cleaned up and they were settled in each other’s arms, content to drift off.

“Thank you, Henry.”

“You’re welcome, darling.”

“Well, yeah, that was good, too. But thank you, for not calling me stupid, or telling me that I’m an idiot. And thank you for sticking around.”

“Well, you’re not stupid, you know how I feel about that word, or an idiot, and I think I’m going to add that to the list of words you aren’t allowed to use. I enjoy our time together entirely too much to leave before I absolutely have to. Now go to sleep. We’ve got one more day until Chris gets here and I want you well rested for tomorrow.”

Henry knew Jules had already beaten him to the punch when she didn’t respond. He drifted off soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of Jules' birthday


	6. Chapter 6

It was a little over a day and a half later when Chris arrived, and _his_ flight was early. He made it out of the airport and to a waiting car in record time.

When he got to Jules’ house, he found Henry in the living room and Jules taking a shower. She’d had a massage and wanted to be freshly scrubbed and ready for when Chris got there.

Chris took the opportunity to show Henry their gift, and they were both pleased with how everything turned out.

“You know, I know we agreed to give everything together at dinner tonight, but I don’t know if I can wait that long! Whatdaya say? You want to do it sooner?” Chris was highly impatient.

“Before you go changing our plans, why don’t you go say hi to her.” Henry knew this would distract him. He liked the plans they’d come up with and didn’t want to change them. “I’ll leave so you can have some alone time with her.”

“I’ve got lots of time after you leave, you don’t need to go anywhere.”

“I need to go run errands anyway, get the last of the provisions for tonight. I was waiting until you got here. What did you end up getting her, by the way? Your gift? You said you were going to get her something else?”

“Yeah, next time I’m going to really think about what I get her before I plan it all out.”

“Hey, you know that under other circumstances she would’ve loved it.”

“Yeah, I know. Lucky for me she’d shared her plans for next summer, everything she was thinking of, so I was able to find some interesting things for her to do. I got a private meal for her at one of the best restaurants in Italy, the chef will even pay extra special attention to her. You know, she was talking up a storm about it, going on and on, you know how she can get.

“Yeah. Adorable”

“Yep. I also got her a night at the ballet in Paris, and a couple of days of a guided private tour in Greece.”

“She’ll love those. Are you going to go with her on any of those?”

“As much as I’d love to, I’m not going to suggest it, not after what she said to you. If I have time and she asks? Yeah, any of them. Hell, all of them.”

“Yeah, that’s smart, letting her ask. Ooo, there’s her shower, she’ll be getting out. Let me head out, give you some time alone.”

“Seriously, you don’t have to do that.”

“I still need to go pick up the lamb and other stuff. I couldn’t do it any sooner or she would’ve known what tonight’s dinner was going to be. Now, go back, say hi. I’ll give a shout when I get back.” Henry took Jules’ keys and headed out, intending to give them at least an hour together.

A minute later, Chris heard her coming down the hall, humming to herself.

“Henry, do you think Chris would…” Jules was arrested in her tracks when she saw the 1000 watt grin directed at her.

“Do I think Chris would what, gorgeous?”

She took a couple of steps back and put her fingers over her mouth, pressing against her lips and trying in vain to stop the grin that was taking over.

“Do you think Chris will be hungry when he gets here?”

“I think Chris will be starving when he gets here, but I think he’d rather kiss you. Don’t be shy, come over here.”

Her steps were tentative and when she got within a few feet of him, Chris closed the distance and picked her up, urging her legs around him. She held onto his shoulders as they settled, him leaning against the sofa.

“Hi.”

“Hey yourself there, gorgeous.”

“I missed you, Chris.”

“Pffft. I wasn’t gone long enough for you to miss me.”

He tugged on the back of her neck, urging her closer so he could kiss her. But before anything could happen, Henry walked back in.

“Oh, Christ, sorry. I forgot my wallet. Don’t mind me.”

Jules hadn’t even realized that Henry wasn’t in the room.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Grocer. And I have something else to pick up, too. I’ll be back soon.” He slipped his wallet into his back pocket and headed for the door.

“Do you have to go?”

Henry was surprised. He thought she’d want some time alone with Chris.

“If you want to eat tonight I do.”

“We could always order pizza, or get some takeout from that Italian place in town you both like so much.”

Henry detoured the few steps needed to connect with her, his fingers caressing her cheek.

“We are not ordering pizza for your birthday, darling.” He gave her a quick kiss before he turned back to the door.

“Okay, fine. Be that way.” She was playing miffed, but no one bought the act.

Henry chuckled as he left.

Jules let out an audible sigh as she turned back to Chris. Henry was immediately forgotten.

“Yes, you _were_ gone long enough for me to miss you, by the way.”

“Nah, it was a blip on the radar. Besides, you were writing and editing, weren’t you?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t want to talk. Kiss me?”

“Gladly.”

Jules sighed her content as his lips passed over hers. But it was too brief.

“What else do you want, gorgeous?”

“Oh Chris, just for you to kiss me. I like this, us, just like this.”

Like a moment ago, the kiss started out with all sorts of promise, only to be cut short.

“Did you really miss me?”

She heard the need for reassurance in his voice.

“I did miss you. I missed you as soon as my front door closed behind you. Yes, I was quite busy, but that didn’t mean I didn’t miss you.”

“What would you have done if I’d been here?”

There was plenty of laughter in her eyes as she answered him.

“Oh, probably not see you. Still, you would have been here. I _could_ have seen you.”

“So, the key to my being away from you is we need to time it, where possible, to when you’re writing, is that it?”

“Well, you have a place here but you don’t really live here, do you? So, since there will be plenty of times you are not in town, yeah, that’d probably be best. I can’t always predict when I will be writing, but I’ll always do what I can not to be writing when you’re here. My publisher just might love this.”

“Are you going to be writing before the end of the year?”

“No, I mean, I’m not planning on it, but I will be on the book tour for Black.” She made a face that Chris was pretty sure was one he’d seen in the mirror when thinking of all the press he had to do for his films.

“Where is your tour taking you?”

“I’ve got all the big cities where my books sell well.”

“Does that include Boston?”

“Yeah, Boston’s on the list.”

“Do you know when you’ll be there?” He saw her roll her eyes. “What, you don’t want to see me?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“You don’t?” At the shake of her head, he enquired, “why?”

“This talk is making me a little anxious about it.”

“We can’t have the birthday girl be anxious. Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thank you.” She continued with an audible sigh. “Chris?”

“Yes?”

“Is there a reason you don’t want to kiss me? Do I need to go brush my teeth again, or something?”

“I want to kiss you very much.”

“Then why aren’t you?”

“Don’t you remember last time? I won’t stop at just kissing.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“But Henry-”

Jules was quick to interrupt that train of thought, shaking her head.

“Is a big boy and can join us when he gets back, or not. His choice.”

Chris’s lips were gentle as they passed over hers. He had one more thing on his mind, though.

“Jules?”

He could tell she was getting frustrated with him and she was doing little to hide it.

“Yes, Chris?”

His thumb passed over her lip and he felt her shiver as she gasped and moved away from the tingling she felt.

“I missed you, too.”

It was unexpected, the wave of calm that washed over her. It felt to Jules like he’d taken a blanket, freshly laundered and right from the dryer, and draped it about her. It was difficult keeping her head upright as the feeling overwhelmed her.

Chris felt the change in her as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. His lips took her pulse as Jules’ head tilted back just before he licked a stripe up her throat. His hand captured the back of her head, angling her for the kiss for which she’d waited so patiently. Her arms circled his neck as she pressed her body to his, her mouth readily accepting his tongue.

Jules was torn. She wanted to get lost in his kisses. She loved how Chris kissed, with his whole body, arms holding her close, taking control and overwhelming her without overpowering her.

The problem was, she also wanted to feel him. She wanted no barriers between them, but she didn’t want to take the time away from kissing him to remove clothing.

Chris maneuvered them to the sofa, stretching Jules out and covering her with his body. He was dealing with the same internal war but relied on the knowledge that they would have the next week together to quash the urgency that was on the verge of consuming him. They’d have plenty of time together. _They had time. They had time._

When they both came up for air, Jules tried to unbutton his shirt as she pulled at the sash of her robe. Chris raised up on his elbow and grabbed both of her hands. He gently held them over her head with one hand as his other stroked her face, her neck, her ear, caressing her and making her shiver.

“We’ve got time, baby. No need to rush.”

“Then kiss me.”

“Mmm. What my girl wants, my girl gets.”

He let go of her hands and their fingers intertwined as they took their time kissing, savoring each other and just being in the moment. They effectively blocked everything else out as they continued kissing.

They missed Henry coming back in.

“Nice to see you two have at least moved. What, couldn’t make it back to the bedroom?”

“No.” Chris used the distraction to toy with her ear and her jaw and her neck.

“We’re too comfy right here. Are you gonna join us?”

Henry stopped and glanced at Jules, wanting nothing more than to drop everything and join them. But not yet.

“Once I get things put away and set up for later I will. If you’re not in here, I’ll come find you.”

Henry headed to the kitchen, glad that Chris was keeping Jules occupied. He could get everything set up in peace and without her poking her nose in everything.

>< 

Early evening, once the three of them were out of the shower, Chris and Henry went into the other bedroom to change before finishing dinner and getting everything set up. Chris had hung her dress on the door and told her that they’d chosen her attire for the evening. He’d checked her closet one morning when last in town, before she woke up, and found the perfect dress for her to wear. Henry told her to take her time, that they’d come get her when they were ready for her to join them and it wouldn’t be before 7:30. She had plenty of time.

Jules didn’t know why, but she got nervous, especially when she saw the formal dress Chris had chosen. Rather than dwell on what was going on inside of her, she decided to ignore it as much as she could and get ready.

Her hair in soft curls (which took forever so she did it only because she had the time) and her makeup applied to look natural (which, as any woman knows, is a work of art so it, too, took time), she surveyed her efforts, and declared “don’t think I’ll scare any small children.” She checked the clock. Realizing she only had minutes before the appointed time, she stepped into the gown. The crystal beaded halter gave way to layers of flowing lavender chiffon, and looked perfect on her. Jules decided to forego shoes tonight. She’d never been able to find any that she liked with the dress that were comfortable and she didn’t want aching feet. Besides, she knew she’d look like she was floating on a cloud as she walked and she loved that. She left the shoes out, in case they were needed, but otherwise was ready right as she heard a knock at the door.

“Jules, anytime you’re ready, we’d love for you to join us.”

“I’ll be there in a minute, Henry.”

She decided to carry her shoes out, just in case. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm the nerves that had resurfaced with the knock, and opened her door. She wondered what they had in store for her.

When Jules rounded the corner and saw her living room she had to stop. She glanced to the dining room and saw what they’d done. Her house was aglow in candlelight.

“Oh my god. This is lovely.”

Jules turned to see Chris, hand on his chest, with quite the grin.

“ _You_ look lovely, Jules. That’s not even close, but it’s the only word for you. Or stunning. You take my breath away, baby.” He handed her a glass of champagne and gave her a kiss on her cheek, not wanting to mess her lipstick.

“Hey Henry, come see our birthday girl.”

When Henry came out, that’s when Jules noticed they were both in tuxedos.

“Don’t you two look dashing, the most handsome escorts a woman could ever hope for.”

“Darling, you take my breath away.” Henry, too, kissed her cheek.

Jules smiled and laughed, not sure what to do with all the flattery directed at her. “That’s what Chris said.”

Chris handed a flute to Henry and turned to Jules, raising his glass.

“A toast. To our girl.” The men took a sip and Jules refrained.

“What, you don’t like champagne?” Henry thought he’d made a mistake.

“You’re not supposed to drink to yourself.”

He quickly corrected the toast.

“Then how about, to a lovely evening.”

“To that, I will drink.”

After a sip and then another, Jules was a happy woman.

“This is so good.”

“I’m glad you like it. I found it today. I was quite impressed with that little store in town.” One of the knots that had formed in Henry’s stomach unraveled.

“Yeah, I told you they had some pretty good finds.”

“You two, stay here. I want to check on dinner.” Henry wanted everything to be perfect. Chris had been in charge of the setup, and he’d thought of the brilliant gift they were going to give her later, and had left most of the cooking to Henry. He was doing his best not to let it show, but Henry was nervous.

When he rejoined them in the living room a few minutes later, he found Chris and Jules dancing. As he stayed out of their way, not wanting to interrupt the intimate moment, it hit him that he’d give anything to have Jules look at him the way she was looking at Chris. He waited until the last strains of _The Way You Look Tonight_ played before tapping Chris on the shoulder to cut in as _Moonlight Serenade_ came over her speakers. Chris gave her a quick kiss and left to give them some time alone.

It was one of the most intimate dances Henry had ever experienced, not that he’d had numerous occasions to dance. The song seemed to stretch forever, yet was over in an instant. They were swaying to the last strains of Sinatra, gazing into each other’s eyes and he felt it: the shift. She did have the same look in her eyes, the one she’d had for Chris.

Another Sinatra song came on, a bit more up tempo, and broke the moment. For a split second, Henry was upset as he was on the verge of telling her what was going on inside him, but he was saved from making that ill-timed confession. They shared a kiss and then joined Chris in the dining room.

Henry and Chris had coordinated the meal and each found out things that Jules loved so she’d never suspect what they were doing. They wanted it to be a surprise and a special night for her.

“Everything smells absolutely delicious. Will you please tell me now what you made?”

“Braised lamb in red wine.” Henry was rather pleased with the choice, and how it turned out. They could all hear it. “Garlic mashed potatoes, and some green bean concoction with bacon and goat cheese.”

“Bacon? What, are you, after my heart or something?”

“Could be.” He couldn’t help but wink at her.

“Well, at least we’re all having garlic tonight,” Jules laughed as Henry helped her to her chair.

Henry and Chris waited as Jules cut the tender meat with her fork and took a bite. A few seconds after the meat hit her palate, she closed her eyes and the most radiant smile broke out on her face.

“You’ll tell me if I start to drool, right? Did you use my stockpot to cook the meat?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just may bathe in this tonight, or make it my bed. This is sublime!”

The remaining knots in Henry’s stomach disappeared. He and Chris dug in.

“This is very good Henry. I can’t tell you how nice it is not to have chicken for once.”

“Thank you, guys, but all I did was follow a recipe.”

“Well, _darling_ , you followed it brilliantly.” The smile on Jules’ face hadn’t left, and wouldn’t for some time to come.

The meal progressed about as slowly as the candles burned. They savored the food and each other’s company, and talked about their pet projects. They’d agreed ahead of time that there would be no discussion of work or anything logistical: no schedules, no who would be where and when. They wanted a carefree and relaxing evening.

Chris cleared the dishes and took the opportunity to put their gifts on the coffee table in the living room, along with the remaining champagne. He was glad he and Henry had agreed how things would be done. So far everything was working out just as planned.

Henry and Jules joined Chris in the living room, having snuffed out all the remaining candles in the dining room, right as he was sitting down. As she came around the sofa to join him, she spied the packages on the table and was not amused.

“I told you I didn’t want you to buy me anything.” Jules sat next to Chris and gave him her ‘I’m sort of angry’ face. “This is just not right.” She was full on pouting and not happy with them.

“Well, most of these things can’t be taken back so you’re just going to have to accept them.”

Henry sat on her other side and handed her the box from Chris.

“Chris’s gift first.”

Chris had to explain it. He couldn’t let it go that it was so last minute.

“Before you open it, I’m just going to say there was a last minute change. I hadn’t thoroughly thought about the gift I’d originally planned and then realized it probably wasn’t the best idea and had to change it out and this is what I came up with at the last minute, so hopefully you’ll like it.” He was glad he got that off his chest. “Okay. Now you can open it.”

Inside the navy blue wrapped box, Jules found three red envelopes. They were numbered, so she opened ‘1’ first. It was the voucher for the 2-day tour of Greece.

“Oh my god, Chris!”

He grinned from ear to ear at her astonishment.

“What? You’re going to be over there, you’re making your own arrangements, but you were a little flustered about trying to see everything you wanted, so I called someone and they put me in touch with someone who told me that this guy is absolutely the best when it comes to guided tours of the ruins and the places to see. And, it’s private, just you, so you can go at your own pace. You can tell him what you want to see and he’ll map everything out.”

“That is going to be very useful. Thank you. Wow.”

“Come on, you still have two envelopes.” He couldn’t keep the grin off his face.

Jules squinted at him and screwed her mouth to the side, biting the inside of her lip to keep herself from saying what she really wanted to. She opened the second envelope. She took out the ornate calligraphy invitation (it was the only idea Chris could come up with at the last minute) and read it, her eyes getting big as she realized what it was.

“The ballet? In Paris?” She had talked about how much she loved ballet and opera, but no one she knew ever wanted to go and she always felt awkward going to those things by herself. She had an excuse in Paris, though, to do all sorts of things on her own and she was looking forward to breaking out of her shell. She was excited, and touched.

“None of that. No tears. At least, not until you open the third.”

Jules took a deep breath as she opened the last envelope. Another ornate invitation for her to read did cause tears to fall.”

“This is that restaurant in Pompeii, the one I talked about.”

“Sure is.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

“I think a kiss would be a good place to start.”

She laughed and wiped her tears as she leaned to kiss him and Chris wrestled her to his lap.

“Did I do good?”

Jules laughed and kissed him soundly.

“You really were listening when I was prattling on.”

“You weren’t prattling.”

“I will never doubt you again. Thank you, so much.” Her hands framed his face as she gave him another kiss.

“What’s this?” Henry wasn’t sure what they were talking about.

Jules scooched back to where she’d been sitting, between her men.

“Well, when Chris was here I was going on and on about what I wanted to do on my trip and I accused him of zoning out and not paying attention to me. Never again.”

She turned back and reached out to touch his hand when she realized he’d moved and was flush with her. She regarded him and couldn’t help her soft smile.

“Chris, this was too much. Thank you.”

His kiss was tender and sweet and he grabbed the next gift off the table before leaning back.

“Nothing is too much for our girl. Okay, enough about me. You need to see what Henry got you. It’s going to put my gift to shame.” He handed the gift to her.

“Do you know what he got me?”

“Why don’t you open it and find out for yourself.”

Inside the red wrapped box, Jules found, in navy, two wrapped packages and an envelope.

“What did you do?”

“Open it up and find out. Do the packages first, though. Start with the one on top. The envelope will make more sense.”

She tore at the paper and saw it was the latest installment from her favorite author.

“I didn’t think this was out yet.” When she turned to him, Henry’s smirk was firmly in place.

“I know a guy.”

“So it’s _not_ out yet?

“Not yet. Come on, open the next one.” His expression changed and just like Chris before him, Henry had the kind of grin that was more suited to a conspirator.

Now she was curious. She tore at the paper and when she saw it was her favorite book, from the same author, and she already had two copies, she didn’t understand until…

“Go on, open it up.”

She found and read the inscription on the inside cover.

“Wait. What?” She looked to Henry, wanting an explanation.

“Now the envelope.”

She was already reaching for it when Henry directed her to it. She opened it and read the hand written note.

“You are cordially invited… Dinner? At his home? Henry! What did you do!”

“I got you a dinner with your favorite author.”

“How the hell did you manage that?”

“He’s a friend of a friend. I called in a small favor. He’s very much looking forward to meeting you.”

“Shut up!”

There was laughter from both men as she shoved at Henry.

“Get out! When?”

“When you’re over, next summer.”

“Oh my god, Henry! Thank you!”

Jules got on Henry’s lap and kissed him.

“You wonderful man, what am I going to do with you?”

“Well, I think Chris had the right idea. A kiss is a great place to start.”

She laughed and kissed him once again.

“Now, darling, there’s one more for you to open.”

“This one’s from both of us.”

“You’ve been more than generous. I can’t accept anything else.”

“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice on this one.”

Henry handed her the third package as she took her seat once again. The purple box was rather light so she had no idea what could be inside. There was no possible way it could be any better than what they’d already given her. She tore the paper off and found three packages inside.

“By the way, the theme of threes hasn’t been lost on me. Am I supposed to open these in any particular order?” She looked to both the men, but it was Chris who answered.

“Just the order they are in the box.”

The first one contained a chain.

“Oh wow, this is beautiful! And it’s not a snake, thank you for that, those always get tangled in my hair. I’ll need to get some polish to keep the silver shiny. What is it, a wheat chain? Do you know?” She looked to Henry, but it was Chris who answered.

“It is a wheat chain, and it’s not silver. Come on, open up the next one.”

“I hate to sound like I’m complaining, but I can’t wear white gold, I’m allergic to nickel.”

“I know, baby. It’s not white gold, you’re fine.” She looked askance at him, one eyebrow quirked. On the one hand she was curious but on the other she didn’t want to ask what it was. She decided to simply trust that there was no nickel. She opened the next wrapped gift and pulled out a bangle-looking bracelet.

“This is a different design. Oh, I see, it moves, the overlap part. That’s a cool way to get it on. Looks like it’s designed to hold something, though.” She put it over her hand, wanting to see how easy it was going to be to put on and take off. Bracelets were always tricky.

“Don’t put it on yet. You have one more to unwrap, gorgeous.”

The last box contained three oval charms, each engraved with a single initial: T, J, and K.

It took only a fraction of a second for the significance to sink in.

“Theo, Jasmine, and Karl. Oh my god, these are beautiful, I love them.” It was like they’d somehow known that saga was coming to an end and wanted to commemorate her journey. She was touched and she could feel tears starting to form.

Chris was hoping she’d turn them over on her own, but when she didn’t, he prompted her.

“Turn them over.”

She turned them, one at a time.

H, C, and E

“Henry… Chris Ev… oh, Henry _Cavill_ , _Chris_ Evans. H C E.”

“Yes. Now, you’ll notice, they aren’t like regular charms. We had them use clasps so you can wear any combination or any single charm on either the necklace or the bracelet. I figured you’d want options. But I always wanted you to have, if you wanted to wear just one, this one.” He held up the J/C charm. “Because even though it’s J for Jasmine, it’s also J for-”

“Jules.” She spoke through the tears that had formed but had not yet fallen. “And I can wear all of them and show everyone else TJK, or I guess KJT, but you, your initials are just for me. I want them on the necklace. Oh but I can’t accept this, Henry, Chris, I can’t. This is entirely too much. I don’t deserve these. Not anywhere close.”

As the tears finally started to fall, Chris reached out to wipe them away.

“And I think you deserve quite a bit more for putting up with us, me especially. Besides, it’s engraved, we can’t take it back. You’re stuck with it.”

As Chris assembled the necklace and put it on, Henry continued to wipe the tears that wouldn’t stop. Jules couldn’t help herself. She had to know.

“Who came up with this idea?”

They answered at the same time.

“We both did.”

“Chris did.”

“No, Henry, we both came up with it.”

“I can’t take credit for this. He told me this idea and I agreed it was perfect and then he showed me pictures and I knew you’d love it. It was all him.”

Once it was securely fastened, Jules held her hand over it, feeling the cool metal begin to warm.

“I love that I can wear it all the time, and we’ll be the only ones who know. I’ll cherish this, always. Thank you, so much.”

She turned to Henry and stroked his scruffy cheek before giving him a kiss.

“I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to repay you-”

“Darling, these are gifts. You don’t repay gifts. You are completely adorable and you deserve all of this and much more.”

Jules didn’t like his answer and turned to Chris. She missed the amused look the men shared as she got up to sit on his lap.

“You know what I’m talking about, don’t you, Chris? This is too much and I need-”

“What you need to do is enjoy what we’ve given you as gifts. Henry’s right: you are completely adorable and you deserve everything we’ve given you. Think of it this way: we’re making your life hell, swooping into town for a week or two at a time and then leaving you all alone. These are just things, they aren’t us, but know that we’re thinking of you all the time.”

“Oh that’s a load and you know it.” That helped to stop the flow of tears down her cheeks.

Henry piped up.

“Jules, do you remember when I first came here and told you I kept blowing my lines? It was because of you.”

“And I’m completely preoccupied with you and everyone knows it. They just don’t know who you are. My mom knows I’m hiding someone, not sharing with her like I normally do.”

“Oh.”

“What about you?” Chris needed to know.

“What about me?”

“Are you as affected by us as we are by you?”

“Except for when I was working.”

“Really?”

“Well, truth be told, even then I wanted you here.”

“You did?”

“Look, I have three notebooks, one for each of you and then one for both of you. As things come up throughout the day that I know I want to share with one or both of you, I write it in the appropriate notebook.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Have you noticed that my emails are numbered? I cross reference everything. The notebooks for each of you aren’t nearly as full as the one I use for both of you. I’m going to have to get a new one soon.”

“What are you sharing with him that you’re not sharing with me?” She knew Chris would be curious about that.

“Nope. Remember, we don’t discuss what goes on with the other person.”

“I know, I know. But notebooks? Really?”

“It’s the only way I can keep things straight between the two of you.”

“I bet you could tell us apart blindfolded.” Chris’s wink made her giggle.

“That wasn’t what I meant and you know it.”

She playfully swatted at Chris’s shoulder.

“Ooo, now there’s something we haven’t tried yet.”

Jules swiveled and tried for mock outrage. His grin told her that it didn’t work.

“Henry!”

“What? Have you never been blindfolded, Jules?”

“No, I have not.”

“Do you want to try it?”

“Not right now. I’d rather find out what’s for dessert.”

“Oh, but I think we could do both.”

“Henry?”

“Yes, Jules?”

“As much fun as I know you and Chris would make that, can we save that for another night?”

“Of course, darling. Whatever you want.”

“Right now, I’d like dessert.”

“That’s my cue. Henry, can you take our girl?”

“Gladly. Come here, darling.”

Once she’d vacated Chris’s lap, he grabbed the champagne bottle and poured more for each of them before leaving.

After Jules was settled on Henry’s lap, he fingered her chain and the charms, flipping them up so he could see his and Chris’s initials.

“Did we really do good on this?”

“Well, other than the fact that you bought me things and I asked you not to, yes.”

“Oh, come on. You didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I actually did. But I have to say, these are pretty spectacular.”

“We think you’re pretty spectacular, Jules.”

“I don’t understand that. Why?”

“Why? You don’t know?”

“I’m pretty ordinary, if you ask me.”

Chris came back in at that moment, carrying a tray.

“You? Ordinary? Pffft.” Jules started giggling when she heard Henry ‘pffft’. It was completely unexpected.

“Yeah, what he said. Pffft.”

“You’re sweet, Jules.”

She could tell Henry meant that in more ways than one and couldn’t help the smile and blush.

“And kind.” Chris wasn’t about to be left out. He wanted her to know she was special.

“And intelligent.”

“And talented. The books you write, amazing.” Jules should have known that one was coming from Chris. They’d talked long enough about her books when he’d been there, an on the calls once he left.

“And hilarious.”

“And gorgeous.”

“So gorgeous. And you make me smile.”

“Even when I’m having a pretty spectacular meltdown right in front of you? Come on, Henry.”

“So you’re human. We’re not saying you’re perfect.”

“No, far from it.”

“That’s right. Build me up just to tear me down.”

“No, gorgeous, that’s not what we’re doing.”

“Not at all.”

“Guys, I know. I was just bustin’ your chops is all. Can we just go back to dessert?” All that flattery was unsettling.

“Here, have some more champagne.”

“So, what did you two concoct for dessert?”

“Do you like chocolate, flavored chocolate?”

“Like mint or orange or something, mmm, yes. Yummy.”

“What about… marshmallows?”

“Ooo, flavored s’mores?”

“We have flavored chocolate. We have flavored marshmallows.”

“Flavored marshmallows?”

“We have Guinness, and bourbon, and mint, and champagne, and some regular ones, and different flavors of chocolate. We have orange and mint and there’s a spicy one, and then dark and milk chocolate. And yes, we do have graham crackers, but Henry also brought some biscuits with him.”

“That is more than enough sugar.”

“We don’t have to eat it all. And if we like them, we can do this more than one night.”

“Ooo, very true. I bet the orange and Guinness would be good.”

“Is that what you want to start with?” Chris had thought she’d try the champagne one first. He was glad to be wrong.

“Are you gonna make one for me, Chris?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Would you, please?”

“Of course, baby. How do you like your marshmallows?”

“Well toasted but not burned.”

Chris opened the doors to the fireplace and tossed a couple of logs on, stoking the embers to get a flame.

Henry took the opportunity to kiss Jules. He hadn’t had nearly as much time as he’d wanted since he’d been busy with all the preparations. He kept her occupied as Chris skewered and toasted the marshmallow.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and she glanced in Chris’s direction.

“Come on, open up.”

“What, you’re gonna feed me, too?”

“Yeah.”

Chris held up the gooey concoction and Jules opened up. She tried to take a small bite, but Chris had other ideas.

“Nope, all of it, come on, all of it.” He put most of it in her mouth. She was protesting and giggling right up to the point when Chris kissed her, sharing the dessert with her as he took her from Henry’s lap. Once she was straddling him he held her head and their kiss became first passionate, and then erotic as they shared the dessert.

After a few minutes, Jules felt Henry’s fingers play over her spine, getting her attention. She came up for air and glanced in his direction. She was curious about the combination of flavors he’d put together and was waving in front of her in temptation. She left Chris’s lap and moved to Henry. She opened her mouth wide and heard and then felt his moan as she took his morsel and then kissed him. His offering of champagne and dark chocolate wasn’t nearly as good as his kiss.

Jules had never had an experience quite like they were dishing up. While she enjoyed each new flavor combination they gave her, she enjoyed the kissing far more.

After who knows how many different combinations, she and Henry were again sharing what appeared to be his favorite combination, the bourbon and spicy chocolate, when Jules felt Chris unfasten the halter of her dress and kiss across her shoulders as he slowly lowered the zipper.

“Come on, get up for just a sec. Let me get this dress off you.”

Rather than stop kissing Henry, Jules leaned against the back of the sofa and moved to stand on the floor. Chris quickly removed her gown and she sank back onto Henry’s lap, fingers sinking into his silky curls.

Chris unhooked her strapless bra and he watched as Henry moved one of his hands from her face as he kneaded her and pinched and rolled her nipple.

Chris joined him, one hand wrapping around her body in search of her breast while his other gently caressed her ass, enjoying the arch of her back as she pushed herself into him. He felt along the line where the elastic of her panties met her skin and nudged the tip of his finger under, following the lines of her body, making her arch her back even more, making herself more available to him.

“Yeah, baby, I bet you’re about ready to come now, aren’t you?”

Chris heard her muffled response; Henry wasn’t about to let her out of their kiss.

Chris swept her hair off her shoulder as he knelt on the edge of the sofa and kissed his way up her neck and around to her ear.

“We’ve been teasing you all day, waiting for this, waiting for you to be ready for us. Are you ready for us, baby?”

Henry finally let her go and nibbled at the shell of her other ear.

“Yes.”

Chris smiled at her breathy response and continued.

“You remember San Diego?”

“Every single second, yeah.”

“You remember what you wanted us to do to you?”

Henry tilted her back and she rested against Chris as he thumbed her nipple just before his teeth closed around it, his tongue playing with her flesh.

“Oh my god, I remember I couldn’t tell you I was so embarrassed.”

“Did you like it? The way we took turns with you? Fucked you again and again?”

“Like, Jesus, baby, surpassed everything I could’ve hoped for. You two blew my mind.”

“Do you want that again?”

Jules finally opened her eyes and turned her head to Chris, searching his face. “You know I do.”

“You sure?”

“Don’t fuck with me, Chris.”

“We’re not gonna fuck with you, baby. We’re just gonna fuck you. You want that?”

Jules couldn’t keep her eyes open as the images from San Diego flashed in her mind.

“Fuck yeah I do.”

“You remember how we made you beg?”

“Oh god, are you gonna do that again?” She sounded hopeful.

Chris smiled against her shoulder.

“Is that what you want?”

“You know I do.”

“You want us to tease you until you beg us to let you come, then beg us to stop, ‘cause you can’t handle anymore?”

“Please.”

Henry knew what Chris was about to do so he grabbed her waist, holding her still as he kissed her. Chris passed his finger over her clit, just once. It was a good thing they had her, for the most part, immobile.

“First one’s for your birthday, baby. You’ve worked so hard for it all day. You’ve been such a good girl, so patient. Come for us, baby.”

It took no time at all for Chris to get Jules to scream into Henry’s mouth. She was incredibly sensitive, and she wasn’t prepared for the speed at which her orgasm hit.

She was still trembling after a minute, gasping for breath and moaning. Chris could have continued, would have kept her going but they were serious about making her beg. He wasn’t sure, though, if she could handle it.

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Don’t you dare fucking stop.”

>< 

Monday came around too quickly as far as Jules was concerned, and by early evening, Henry was packed and ready to go, his taxi expected in about half an hour. Jules had gone quiet and withdrawn.

Chris headed out for a walk to give them time to say their goodbyes. He knew the taxi might be early so he turned back to watch for it. When he saw the cab pull up, he slowed his progress, not wanting to intrude on their goodbye. He watched as her front door opened and they hugged and kissed. Not for the first time over the past several days, Chris found himself feeling like he couldn’t compete with Henry.

Once he saw Henry leave, Chris picked up his pace. They’d already said their goodbyes, so he wasn’t expecting Henry to stop. The cab slowed as it approached him and the brakes squealed before the rear door opened and Henry got out. He didn’t want anyone, including a cab driver, to overhear their conversation.

“Hey, we haven’t had a chance to chat. New Year’s is going to be tight for me. I can’t leave until early the 30th, I’ve got some family stuff, and I’ll probably end up having only a day or so here and we’re scheduled to start pre-production on Monday and I have a family thing on the 3rd that I can’t get out of and I don’t know if I can do it, New Year’s. I don’t want you guys not to see each other if I can’t make it. If I can’t and you can, don’t let her be alone, be with her, on New Year’s, would you?”

“You sure about that? We all agreed at the beginning-”

“That was then. I think things have changed since then. Think about it, at least?”

“I will. I’ve got an idea. Might make it easier on you. Let me check with her and I’ll get back to you.”

“Okay, let me know. I’d really like to see her if my schedule allows. Now, go take care of our girl, would you? I’m glad you’re still here.”

“So am I. I’ll see to her, don’t worry. Safe flight. We’ll talk soon.”

Their handshake turned into a quick hug before Chris saw Henry into the cab and hit the roof twice with his hand. As the cab pulled away, Chris turned and hurried back to her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of Jules' birthday


	7. Chapter 7

Chris went searching for Jules when he let himself in. He didn’t have to go looking far. She was in her bedroom stripping her bed.

“You don’t need to do that right now. We spent a lot of time in the shower.” He hoped to add some levity, gauge how she was doing; see if he could get her to laugh.

Jules didn’t answer right away. When she did, he heard her struggle to hold herself together, especially since she was rambling. He knew she was in need of a hug and approached her.

“I want clean sheets for us, for our time together, all our time together. I changed them right before you got here. It just feels right. I like a clean start. Henry and I had one and I want to do the same for you. You deserve the same consideration, it’s only fair.” He wasn’t entirely sure what her pronounced sigh meant until she continued, “I want to be able to concentrate on us, just us. I don’t want to be distracted.” She’d been walking around the bed, taking the fitted sheet off and bundling the sheets together.

“And is that why you won’t look at me?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“I don’t want you to think I’m being stupid.”

“Jules, stop.”

She knew that if she stopped the tears that were collecting at the corners of her eyes would start to fall and she wouldn’t be able to stop them. She didn’t want to cry in front of Chris. She was being idiotic and he didn’t deserve that.

“I want to finish the bed.”

She walked in front of him and Chris put his hands on her shoulders. Her frenzied activity came to a screeching halt and she bowed her head even further. He sat on the bed, turned her so she was facing him and brushed the hair from her brow, tucking it behind her ears. He nudged her face up by her chin as he ducked his head. When they finally made eye contact he saw the valiant effort she was making to hold back her tears.

“I should have known. My girl with her gentle soul is back. Baby, it’s okay, you might feel better if you let it out rather than try to hold it in.”

She felt her chin start to quiver but refused to give in.

“Men don’t like it when women cry. Besides, it’s not fair to saddle you with this.”

He draped his arms around her waist and fixed his gaze on her, letting her know he wasn’t about to go anywhere, and neither was she.

“Men don’t like it when women cry because we don’t know how to fix the tears and that scares us.”

“Is that the actual reason?” Jules had to find out: had she just been clued in on some sort of guy thing?

“I don’t know about other guys, but it’s one of my reasons.” He kept having to move his head to catch her eye as she kept looking away from him. “Don’t ever apologize for your feelings, baby. Emotions don’t need fixing. And you know what else? You’ve been nothing but fair, actually far more generous, than fair. Of course you’re gonna miss him and that’s okay. I’d probably wonder what was going on if you didn’t. And if my being here helps you, I’m happy to help.”

She ran her thumb along his cheek as she scratched at his chin, still avoiding eye contact. “You shouldn’t have to put up with my shenanigans.”

“Feelings are not shenanigans.”

Jules wormed her way out of his arms and picked up the sheets that were on the top of her dresser, tossing them onto the bed. She busied herself with making the bed. Chris knew that dealing with feelings was always an uncomfortable proposition for Jules.

“Whatever. Obviously Henry didn’t clue you in well enough to the craziness that is me.”

“Okay, you’re not crazy, you’re emotional. You’re missing him and no wonder. He’s a pretty great guy. He sure knows how to cook lamb.”

He was rewarded with a little smile, just a quirk of the corner of her lips. He got up and walked the U to the other side of the bed where she stood. He was curious about something.

“What did you do when he left the first time he was here?”

“Oh, you don’t want to hear about that. I was being so stupid.”

Chris bristled at that word. He couldn’t understand why she insisted on using it. For the second time in almost as many minutes, his hands on her shoulders stopped her avoidance tactics. He didn’t force her to look at him this time, but he did turn her to face him.

“Jules, you really need to stop calling yourself stupid. First of all, you’re not. You’re brilliant. Feelings aren’t stupid; we all have them. And third, both Henry and I have told you that you aren’t allowed to call yourself stupid. I don’t want to hear it again.” He could tell by the way she screwed her mouth to the side that she was not happy about being called out. He softened his tone, remembering that she was fighting a war against whatever was going on in her head. “Now, what did you do after he left?” He was wondering, and not for the first time, who in her past had called her stupid.

Jules grabbed at his waist as her forehead connected with his chest. Her reply was soft and muffled and he couldn’t make anything out.

“Baby, please? Come on, you don’t need to hide yourself from me.”

She lifted her head enough so he could hear her. She still couldn’t look him in the eye.

“I… I came inside, got into bed and cried.”

“What did you do after I left?”

“Well, you know I was crying. You were wiping my tears away before you left. You remember, when the three of us talked? How Henry had asked me to call him after you left so we could talk? I did. I called him right when I came inside. We talked for a few minutes before he had to go, they’d called him back to the set. So I got off the phone and then I crawled into bed and cried.”

“Did it help you? Talking to Henry after I left?”

“It did, for the few minutes I was on the phone with him. Then it hit me again that you were gone and I was all alone.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you after he left the first time. But, I’m here for you now.” He wasn’t sure what she wanted or needed from him. He knew that whatever it was, she’d need him to be gentle with her.

“Do you want me here with you or do you want me to leave and give you some space?”

“No! I don’t want you to go. Maybe I can finish my bed and then we can get in it and you can just hold me? Maybe talk?”

“You’re not tired?”

“A little, but not enough to sleep. Besides, it’s still early.”

Chris pitched in and helped her make her bed. When they finished and Jules went to toss everything into the washer, Chris toed off his shoes, undressed down to his boxers, and got into bed. He heard her walking down the hall and she started talking right before coming in the bedroom.

“You know, I think I’d rather- oh, um, never mind.”

“No, go on, finish.”

“No, you’re already in bed.”

“Come on, what were you gonna say?”

“Just that, maybe instead of being in here, we could head out to the living room, but you’re already in bed.”

It dawned on him that it was only a little more than half an hour ago that he’d left Jules and Henry in here to say a private goodbye. Of course she didn’t want to be in here right now. How could he be so thoughtless?

“I can just as easily be in the living room. I just need to put some clothes on.” He started to get out of bed.

“Chris, please, stay where you are.” She rushed to him, stilling his movements with her touch.

“Okay, if you want us to stay in here, we can. It’s whatever you want. Why don’t you get comfortable, get into bed with me?”

Jules wanted nothing more at that moment than to be in Chris’s arms and feel him. She liked the feel of him, his warmth seeping into her, comforting her, coaxing her to relax. She removed her leggings and sweatshirt, revealing the Captain America tank top and underwear she’d put on. Chris’s surprised laughter made her take a startled step back. He quickly sat on the edge of her bed and grabbed her hand, pulling her to him.

“Why are you backing away? That’s fabulous!”

“You like?” She didn’t sound convinced.

“I don’t just like it, I love it. Come on, turn around. Let me see it.

She hesitated before hastily turning.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

He knew something was wrong but didn’t want to push too hard. He wanted her to trust him to tell him without having to be asked. He wondered if that would ever happen.

“You didn’t wear these the last time I was here. Did you have them then, or are these new?”

Chris was pleased by the soft smile adorning her face.

“They’re new. Once I knew you guys were coming for sure, I got them.”

“’Them’? I’m assuming Henry got to see you in Superman stuff, huh?”

“Yeah. Not gonna lie, though. I feel completely ridiculous.”

He couldn’t help his smile. She did trust him, at least with some things.

“But you look completely adorable.”

“I do not.”

“Baby, you’re gorgeous, in or out of clothes.”

She blushed and tried to turn away but he wouldn’t let her.

“I’m serious, Jules. You’re beautiful.”

“You sweet talker. Now come on, get back into bed.”

Chris caught her off-guard when he snagged her by the waist and wrestled her into the bed with him. Her laughter was what he was going for, and it was what he got.

It took a bit of wrangling, but they finally were comfortable in each other’s arms, legs entwined. They relaxed, content to cuddle. Chris knew he could relax when he felt Jules tracing patterns on his chest that only she knew.

“I know you were here just a few weeks ago, but it feels like it’s been forever, since it was only us.”

“I know what you mean.”

Jules finally felt the tension flow out of her body.

“Chris?”

“Yes, Jules?”

“I want to thank you.”

“What for?”

“Your gift.”

“For that? Seriously?”

“Wait. Well, yeah, your gift was fantastic, but I’m talking about the one from you and Henry.”

He arched his back as she moved to look down, finding the charms and caressing them between her fingertips.

“I’ve never been given anything that had so much thought put into it.” When she glanced up at him it took her a moment to finish. “I cannot even begin to tell you how much it means to me. Thank you.”

“I can’t take all the credit for it. It was from both of us.”

“Henry told me you were going to say that.”

“Henry told you?”

“Yeah.”

“Baby, it was both of us who gave it to you.”

“Chris, would you please just accept my thanks?”

“You’re welcome.”

To her ear, he didn’t sound happy.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to think I was trying to show Henry up.”

“What, because you thought of the idea?”

“It was _from_ both of us.”

“I know, Chris. If you were trying to show Henry up, you wouldn’t have included him; you wouldn’t have suggested that the both of you get me something together. You would have just done it from you, your initials somehow. Maybe not this exactly, but something. Instead, you made it an incredibly thoughtful and inclusive gift and it means the absolute world to me. Thank you.”

Jules only intended the kiss to be a quick one. Chris was the one to catch her head and pull her back to him, connecting with her in a way that had him feeling like he was baring his soul to her.

It took a while, each of them at separate times pulling away only to have the other catch them to continue the kiss. It was a languid pace as they softly explored and found their way back to each other. When they finally stopped they were back to where they had been the last time he was in town. They were once again connected.

“You’re welcome.”

Jules’ head tilted as her brow furrowed.

“You said thank you, before…”

“Oh, yes, goodness. I’d forgotten that.” Her eyes crinkled with her smile and soft laugh.

“You know, I kinda feel like that gift made up for the one I gave you, the one just from me.”

“Wait, the stuff for my trip? Why would you need to make up for that? They’re wonderful.”

“It wasn’t really thought out.”

“Not thought out? Are you kidding me?”

“No. I had something else chosen and that I’d planned. I mean, I’d _completely_ planned it, absolutely everything. But then Henry called about the meltdown, and, well, I think you wouldn’t have appreciated it as much as I would have wanted you to.”

“Why, what was it?”

“Some… trips… with me.”

“Trips. Where were you going to take me?”

“Disneyland and Disneyworld.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Jules didn’t want to completely dismiss his idea. She knew it would have been a great gift under different circumstances.

“You know what? We would’ve had a lot of fun. It would have been nice to see it through your eyes. That was really thoughtful.” Chris was surprised at Jules’ soft smile. “But I am glad you changed it. I mean, if it is ever just the two of us, or if things have come out and if I’m wrong about the backlash, and trust me, if it comes out I _really_ hope I am wrong, then by all means, yes, please take me. Or, if you can stop being famous for one day…”

“That is a completely different reaction than I was expecting.”

“You were expecting me to go off half-cocked, weren’t you?” He answered her rhetorical question with a knowing look. “Well, I stand by what I said, but the craziness of the delivery was absolutely because of just finishing the book.”

He caressed her hair off her face.

“So, is that the only time you get a little crazy?”

Jules had been waiting, wondering if he’d ask, and venture down this road.

“You want to know what you’re in for if you stick around, don’t you?”

“Baby, I am absolutely sticking around.” He couldn’t voice the second half of that statement. Not yet.

“Did Henry describe what it was like? I bet he didn’t.”

“No, not really. I mean, he said you were spiraling, and things were going dark and bad really quickly. I’d still like to know, though.”

“Well, you probably won’t see it since you leave on Wednesday-”

“Ooo, I completely forgot. Um, about that?”

“Yeah?”

“I was hoping to stick around longer, if you’re available, and if it’s okay? My schedule cleared up somewhat.”

“Well, I’m out of here Friday. My book tour starts Saturday, but you can stick around until then if you want.”

“Are you sure? I won’t be in the way?” he needed to see her face, make sure she wasn’t giving in just to please him.

“No, you couldn’t possibly be in the way. I love that you want to stay.”

“Of course I want to stay. Hey, you know what that means?

“What?”

“That means I’m here for this week so you’re not allowed to have a sad face for at least a few days, okay?”

“You know me so well already.” She paused, realizing what she’d just said. A warmth spread over her. “Okay, fine. No sad face, if I can help it.”

“Now that that’s settled, where’s your first stop?”

“Chicago. I always start in Chicago. It’s kinda childish, but it’s my way of showing my parents that they were wrong, that the last time we talked, they were wrong.”

“You do that?”

If he hadn’t been looking at her, he would have missed the flash of pain behind her eyes before she masked it.

“Yeah, I’m not proud of it. Sometimes it feels like I’m still that 19 year old girl instead of the 29 year old woman I am now.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, I’m a 10 year old boy most of the time.”

“Oh, I beg to differ. There are some very specific times you are most definitely _not_ a 10 year old boy.”

“I did say _most_ of the time.”

“Well, it’s normal for boys. Girls are expected to be mature.”

“Baby, you can be whoever you want to be around me.”

“Be careful what you wish for. I’ll probably start getting more than a little nuts come Thursday, possibly even Wednesday with you sticking around.”

“Why’s that?”

Chris couldn’t help but think that Jules looked adorable with her nose wrinkled and scrunched.

“I hate going out and promoting my books. Don’t get me wrong, I love my fans, and I love meeting them, well, for the most part, but there’s always at least one in every city who is just a bit too emotionally tied to one of the characters.”

“Which one?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is it more often one of them? One of the characters in particular?”

“Karl. The women want to know where I get my inspiration for him.”

“Not gonna lie, I do, too, but I don’t necessarily want to talk about it, not yet anyway.”

“Really? You want to know where I got my inspiration for him?”

“Well, not until White’s final. Speaking of which, is White seriously done? Like _done_ done?”

“Yeah. Well, there’s all the editing and stuff, but yeah.”

“From our conversations I could tell you had a solid idea, even though you wouldn’t tell me. I had no idea you were going to be done so quickly. Is it always like that for you? When you write?”

“No. Not even close. I’ve never had that happen before. It normally takes me a couple of months to get a first draft done, not two weeks.”

“Did you go with your favorite? Or was it the alternate?”

“My favorite. You also kinda gave me an idea I ended up using.”

Chris was now very interested in their conversation. He moved so they both had their heads on the pillow and could talk, eye to eye.

“Wait, what did you use?”

“It was something you joked about. I left the ending open to interpretation.”

“So, wait, we won’t know? The end? Of the whole series?”

“Yep.” Jules’ neck scrunched up as her head turtled into her shoulders, waiting for his reaction.

“Oh my god. Oh my god, people are gonna hate you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t know that it’ll work. The publishers may push for a reveal.”

He heard the seriousness of her tone and had to correct himself.

“First, they’re not going to _hate you_ hate you. They’re going to admire you hate you. It will be _the_ question! A real whodunit.”

“But people don’t like things left open, they want things final. I’m probably gonna end up changing it.”

“Oh, I wish you wouldn’t. Not until I read it.”

“You can’t read it!” Jules sat up. They were getting into some serious territory.

“Why not?”

“No one, I mean no one _ever_ sees my rough drafts. They are not fit for humans.”

Chris sat up and took her hands in his, stroking the backs with his thumbs. He wanted her to relax once again.

“Jules, I’m sure you’re wrong.”

“No! There are always inconsistencies, things that I’ve changed along the way that I have to account for. It’s just… that’s not-”

“Baby, A rough draft is just that, rough. I’ve read stuff in progress before. You have no idea how many movies are greenlit without a working script.”

Chris could tell Jules was pondering it, really considering letting him read it by the way she knit her brows together.

“You really want to read it?”

“I would be honored if you would let me, yes.”

“I don’t know-”

“You trusted me with Grey. You know I’m not going to talk about it with anyone. I would never do that.”

“I know. I’m not concerned about that. You did find that gaping hole, and I did incorporate one of your observations in Grey, too.”

“Okay, first, that was not a gaping hole. It was like a divot. Two: which one?”

“You are just going to have to wait for it to come out to find out.”

“That’s mean!”

“I know. I’m mean that way.”

Chris could see her shoulders shaking as she pulled her lips into her mouth, attempting to stifle her laughter.

“You know, I can be mean, too.”

Chris was not fooling Jules.

“No you can’t. You are not mean.”

“Oh, but I can be.”

“No, not possible.”

“I can be thoughtless.” Jules was hoping this wasn’t going where she thought it might. “I have been, with you.” And he did.

“I was really hoping we were past that.” Jules was tired of his apologizing for stuff she’d forgiven weeks ago.

“I’m just very sorry. You know that, right?”

“And I’ve already told you I’ve forgiven you. It seems to me like you don’t believe me.”

“But I do believe you.”

“Then why do you keep apologizing?”

Jules sat, silently, while he pondered how to tell her what he was thinking. It was obvious when he came to a decision.

“I don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten what an ass I was.” He didn’t meet her eyes until he finished. Jules wasn’t sure if his puppy dog eyes were sincere or an attempt to manipulate her. She chose to believe the former.

“Wait, is that what this is all about?”

“What?”

“You glossing it over. You think I think you glossed it over.”

“Well…”

“Chris, baby, look at me.”

She caught his eyes and he didn’t avert his gaze. He was ready for whatever she was going to say to him.

“I get it, I do. I don’t think you were an ass and I don’t think you’re trying to sweep anything under the rug. Not at all. I think, for some reason, you haven’t forgiven yourself, although I have no idea why. If I don’t hold a grudge, you shouldn’t.”

“I feel like I already screwed this up with you.”

“Chris, we talked about this. There’s no competition going on here. I don’t sit here and compare the two of you.”

“But I think you will, sooner or later.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Well, okay, I’m going to be honest with you. When Henry called me, he wasn’t necessarily taking what you were saying to heart initially.”

“Yeah, I know. That concerns me. Right now I don’t think he’d care if you both were connected to me.”

“I don’t think that’s completely accurate. I think he’d care. I think he’d care especially about what would happen to you, and I think he’d care more once he started to feel the fallout.”

“Okay, sure, I can believe that, but that’s exactly what I’m afraid of: fallout.”

“Yeah, fallout. I just think everything’s gonna come to a point where you feel like you have to make a decision because if I know you, and I kinda like to think that I do, at least a little bit, you’re not gonna want to be the cause of any problems for either of us.”

“Yeah.” The tables had turned: now she couldn’t maintain eye contact with him.

“So, while you’re not comparing right now, I think at some point you will be. I want you to know, if I could go back and change anything, I would change those weeks.”

“I know you would. So you know, I could never choose between you. There’s just… there’s no way. I haven’t been able to since we first met, what makes you think I could now?”

“I think there’s gonna come a time when you think you need to.”

“I can’t imagine ever being able to. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“You can stop apologizing.”

“Okay, no more.” Jules really hoped that he’d stick to that.

“Now, back to the book: will you please let me read White?”

Jules couldn’t help the laughter. She was just glad that part of the conversation was dead and buried.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, come on, you know you want me to.”

“Well… as long as you promise to be gentle with me.”

“Of course. And, just like last time, I’ll only read when you’re busy doing something else.”

“Okay, let me go get it.” She headed to her office and returned with a bound hard copy.

“But, I thought you didn’t keep hardcopies of your manuscripts around?”

She couldn’t look at him as she got back into bed.

“You knew I was going to ask, didn’t you?”

Chris started tickling her.

“You knew you were going to let me read it, didn’t you?”

He kept tickling and her giggling got louder.

“You were going to ask me to read it, weren’t you?”

Jules had to shout through her laughter to be understood.

“Fine! I give, I give. Yes, I was going to ask you to read it.”

“Well, at least you’re honest with me.”

“I hate that you know I have no willpower against being tickled.”

“Well isn’t that funny. I love knowing you have no willpower when it comes to being tickled.”

“All I ask is that you be an honorable man and never use it against me when it comes to my work.” She pondered that for a moment. “Or my emotions, or, really anything important.”

“Baby, I’ll never really use it against you for anything other than confessions like I just got. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Okay. So then when do you plan on reading it?”

“Listen to you. I already told you, when you’re doing something else.”

“Like what?”

“Probably when you’re sleeping.”

“Okay.”

Jules stomach make itself known.

“I think it’s time for some supper. I wasn’t planning an out and out dinner tonight, unless you’re really hungry.”

“What were you thinking?”

“One of my favorites.”

Jules made grilled cheese sandwiches. She loved her grilled cheese sandwiches. Provolone and mozzarella on sourdough was her current favorite. She fixed a salad as they patiently waited for the crunchy gooey goodness.

Chris kept eating the sweet, freshly washed baby roma tomatoes before she could cut them in half. She thought about threatening him with the knife, but realized that would be a bit overboard for tomatoes.

He picked up the last handful and started popping them into his mouth as she finally said something.

“You know, I was actually hoping to have tomatoes with my salad.”

“Hey, I have something I want to talk to you about.”

“Is it going to be about you stealing all my tomatoes?”

“Nope, and I already checked with Henry on this.”

“You already let Henry know you were going to steal my tomatoes?”

“Henry has no idea I was going to steal all your tomatoes. Hell, I didn’t know I was going to steal them.”

“Okay. What did you want to talk about?”

“It’s about New Year’s. I want us to go away together.”

“Go away? Wait, New Year’s is a holiday, it’s supposed to be the three of us.”

“No, yeah. No, the three of us. The three of us go away together.”

“How on earth do you propose we pull that off?”

“I’ve got an idea, I just need to know how much time you have.”

“I’ve got nothing but time since the first draft of White’s done.”

“Okay, so Henry has the most cramped schedule, and if he has to try to come to LA, he might not make it at all. He said it would be okay for it to be just the two of us, but I thought if we went to him, or closer to where he is, anyway, you’d be able to see him. Maybe find a rental in the Alps? Anywhere here in the US and we’d probably be spotted. I know you don’t like the cold that much, but, it might be nice to get completely away, someplace people can’t easily find us, someplace people wouldn’t look, and they probably wouldn’t care.”

“Let me think about it?”

“Before I stop, let me tell you my plan. We head out, I’m thinking day after Christmas. We’d most likely have a couple of days alone. Henry says he could leave on the 30th but you never know, his plans might change. So you’d probably see him that day, maybe by that afternoon. He’s got to be back by the morning of the 3rd. I don’t know flights for him, maybe he could get an early flight out. I may have to be back in LA for something on the 7th, possibly, maybe, so I’d want to leave on the 5th. You could stay longer if you wanted. Just think about it, okay?”

“I will.” She turned her back to him as she flipped the sandwiches, trying to collect her thoughts.

“Hey, Chris?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Trying to find a way for the three of us to see each other?”

He knew what she was getting at. He could have swept it all under the rug with some sort of excuse, but he’d vowed not to do that when he was there the last time.

“Look, I’m not going to lie. I do like having you to myself. I love it. I prefer it, I really do. But, and don’t take this the wrong way, ‘cause it’s not a bad thing, but you’re a little more serious when it’s just the two of us. I like you like that, but you’re also a bit more, I don’t know, free? Uninhibited? Maybe even relaxed when it’s the three of us.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And it’s the holidays and I just want you to be happy and not serious. Not that you’re not happy when it’s just us, or you and Henry, but you seem happiest when it’s all of us, together. We’ve both noticed it.”

“You’ve talked about this?”

He came up behind her and put his arms around her, feeling her relax against him.

“Little bit.”

“Why?”

“We just want you to be happy. That’s all.”

“Why do you think I’m not happy?”

“You have very few unguarded moments, but you do have them. When you do, I can see the hurt in your eyes. We both can.”

Jules was a little taken aback. She thought she’d effectively hidden that from them.

“You see that? In me?”

“Sometimes, like, just a little bit ago.”

“When?”

“We were talking about your book tour. I’m going to take a wild guess. Is it your parents?”

“That doesn’t seem to be such a wild guess on your part. But yeah, it’s them. At least a little bit.” She knew she’d opened a door. She wasn’t sure how far to go through it. She wasn’t going to push. Jules decided to let Chris lead and when he got to a place where she was uncomfortable, she’d stop.

“What else?”

She busied herself with turning off the stove and serving them as she tried to figure out how far to go. She knew that if it was ever going to be more than something casual, and it sure was feeling more than casual with him, she had to start letting him in. She was apprehensive as she answered his question between bites.

“I’m alone.”

“You’re not alone right now.”

“I’m only not alone when you’re here, or when Henry’s here.”

“What about Georgia?”

She took her time before she answered that one. She decided not to go into too much detail.

“Georgia lives in New York. We talk on the phone a lot, but only see each other a couple times a year.”

“What about-”

“Other friends? Mostly they’re just acquaintances. I got burned by some people after my first couple of books that were published and it’s been hard for me to find people I can trust and who can deal with me.”

Chris understood all too well what Jules was talking about. A thought flashed through his mind: he could introduce her to people he knew, people he trusted. But that would out them as a couple. He knew that he would be asked if they were dating and when he’d say no, because he’d have to, they’d ask if she was seeing anyone and he couldn’t have that. Yeah, that wouldn’t work.

“What about when we talk?”

“I don’t feel alone when we talk.”

“You and I are going to start talking every day. At least, we’re gonna try. Email and texting are okay, but we have to talk.”

Done with dinner, she cleaned up, refusing Chris’s offer of help. Once done, she started to leave the room.

“Where are you going?”

“I think it finally hit me. You two wore me out. I’m pretty tired and I’d like to get some sleep.” Chris knew she was avoiding any further conversation. He’d let it go. For now.

“I know I asked last time, but were you really able to get some sleep with me reading in bed?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll join you.”

>< 

Jules was up at the crack of dawn, nervous about Chris reading her book. It appeared that he’d finished it – Post-it notes were stuck throughout the pages, all the way to the end, so she wasn’t sure how long he’d stayed up. She got out of bed and paced and sat and then got up and paced again. That many notes couldn’t be a good thing.

She needed to bleed off some of her nervous energy, and also not run into her bedroom and pounce on the bed to wake him up, so she went for a run. She left a note for him on the counter in the kitchen in case he woke before she got back.

When she got back, she heard him puttering around in her kitchen. It put a smile on her face like it had each time she’d heard him previously.

She stood in the doorway and watched him make coffee, still obviously fighting sleep. She couldn’t fathom why he was up if he was so tired. She grabbed a glass and got some juice from the refrigerator.

“Chris why are- oof!” She wondered if he’d been only pretending to be mostly asleep. He had her wrapped tightly in his arms as he picked her up and swung her around the room, sloshing juice onto the floor. It splashed onto both of them as well, getting them sticky.

“Baby you are a genius!”

“What?”

“White! It’s fucking perfect! Seriously! Killing Jasmine off on page seventeen is brilliant!”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“Liked it? I _loved_ it!”

Jules had never had this reaction before, from anyone, for anything she’d done. She was so overwhelmed that she almost started crying. She covered as quickly as she could.

“Well, just so you know, I’m still toying with possibly scratching the whole thing and doing something else.”

Chris dropped her back to her feet, but wouldn’t let her go.

“You do that and I’m sending this copy in to your publisher.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me and see. Seriously, Jules, it’s perfect. So who did it? Theo or Karl?”

“I told you, I’m leaving it ambiguous.”

“But seriously, you have to have one of them in your head as to who did it.”

“I do, but I’m not tellin’.” She had the biggest grin on her face, relishing that she knew something he didn’t.

“Seriously, come on.”

“No.” she wiggled out of his arms and with the look on his face, she started to back away as Chris edged closer.

“Did she have the affair with Theo or not?”

“I am not telling you.”

“I can’t help but think this story was inspired by real life events.”

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh come on, that triangle is entirely too perfect. And I actually saw a little bit of Henry and a little bit of me.”

“You did? Really?”

“And Jasmine is so you it’s not even funny.”

“No, she isn’t. Not at all.”

She knew he didn’t believe her given how high his eyebrow quirked.

“She’s completely you. You seriously don’t see it?”

“No, not at all.” Her tone changed. She wasn’t having fun anymore. “Seriously, take that back.”

Chris mumbled to himself. “Why didn’t I see it before? That explains so much.”

“What does it explain?”

“Never mind.”

“No, seriously, take it back. She is not me.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“Yes it is! I don’t put myself in my writing, not as a character anyway.”

“She has your habits. You’ve described perfectly how she plays with her top lip, something you do.”

“You know what that is?”

“What?”

“I developed that habit _after_ writing about it, after describing it. It took me a long time to get it right and because of that I do that now.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes!”

“Do you act out everything you write about?”

“Some of it, if I need to understand a particular sensation, or figure out what the thoughts might be that could cause something in particular.” She pulled the ponytail holder out and smoothed the hair on her head.

“There! That!”

“What?”

What you just did. Your hand crossing to the other side of your head and running your fingers through your hair and coming back to your mouth, the backs of your fingers. That is a Jasmine move.”

“Yeah. You’re right. Again, it originated with her.”

“Why does that happen?”

“You know what? These characters live in my head. They sit down and they have full on conversations with each other. Trust me, I know how this sounds. I sound certifiable.”

“Well, you’re not. I think it’s pretty normal.”

“Normal? To have people having conversations with each other in my head?”

“Yeah, I think that’s completely normal.”

“So wait, you said you saw Henry. How?”

“It was in the way you described Theo.”

“I didn’t describe him any differently than I ever have before. I’ve got notebooks, character sketches, when they got their scars, everything goes back years on this.”

“It was in how you described his smile. How he gets dimples and his cheeks get rounded and his eyes get twinkly and then he breaks out into a really big grin. That’s Henry, through and through.”

“I didn’t know you paid that much attention to his smile.”

“I saw it enough over the past several days.”

“You did?”

“Just about every time he looked at you.”

“Oh.” Jules didn’t know what to do with that bit of information except ignore it. “Well, what about you?”

Chris took her hand and gently, slowly wove their fingers together before their palms were flush against one another.

“Is that familiar?”

It was the one thing she had been conscious of adding to the last book of the series.

“It was something I wanted Jules to have, as like, my parting gift to her.”

Chris knew he needed to be gentle with her. “I think you mean Jasmine.”

It took a few seconds for his correction to sink in and as it did, the color drained from her face and her eyes widened.

“Oh god, what have I done?” she felt her panic escalate quickly.

“It’s okay, baby.”

“No, I can’t put myself in there. Or you guys. I’m gonna have to change it.”

“I don’t think Henry would mind. I know I don’t. I think it’s perfect, us being in there.”

“Why, are you or Henry planning on killing me?”

He was glad he’d diverted her panic.

“Nooooo. Wait, you don’t think either of us would ever hurt you, do you?”

“No, Chris, I don’t think that.”

“Okay. So, whoever options these books, I need to know who they are because I need to contact them so I can convince them that they need me to play Karl.”

“You know, I never would have pegged you for Karl.”

“What, you see me more as Theo?

“No, I just never pictured you.”

“Okay, who did you picture?”

“I can’t tell you that!”

“Sure you can. Come on, tell me. Who’s your inspiration?”

“No. Not gonna.”

“I bet I could make you.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“You did not just challenge me. You know I’m gonna do it now.”

“Seriously, no.”

He heard her tone and realized where they’d ventured. He needed to fix it.

“I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do, to tell me something about your work.”

“Thank you.”

“But I just might tickle you until you kiss me.”

“You don’t need to tickle me to get me to do that.”

“I don’t?”

“No.”

Jules started to walk out of the kitchen, intent on taking a shower. Chris stopped her, not sure what was going on.

“Baby, how do I get you to kiss me?”

“Well, one sure fire way is to call my writing brilliant.”

She slid her hands to his waist before realizing she was still in her running gear. Chris had an amazing ability to get her to forget what she was planning on doing. She wrinkled her nose and turned to head to her bedroom, intent on taking a shower.

“Stop.”

“Oh, Chris, I’m all dirty and sweaty and gross.”

“No, not at all. I think you’re gorgeous and smell fantastic. Besides, you’ll just want another shower after we’re done.”

“Why, what do you have planned?”

“Baby, you’re gonna be covered in sweat and unable to breathe. Gonna make your run this morning feel like a warmup after I’m done with you. Now strip.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda feel like I need to be explicit here. I do not know any of the gentlemen mentioned. I do not work for them; I do not work for Promethean Productions; I do not know anyone who works for them or has any dealings with them (at least, to my knowledge - I do live in LA so it is always possible). I do not know what they are working on other than what has been reported publicly. This is fiction.

Jules and Chris had a lovely couple of days. They went for walks during the day, had conversations about a wide variety of topics, and made love whenever they felt like it, which was all the time.

Chris noticed a slight change in Jules’ demeanor Wednesday night. It wasn’t that she suddenly stopped talking, or went off on any crazy tangents, nothing like that. She started to get quiet. Her responses to anything Chris asked her were becoming shorter and shorter, bordering on monosyllabic. When she talked about wanting to head to bed, and it was only 9:30, he knew she was probably going to have a difficult Thursday.

He wasn’t even close to the truth.

Chris stayed up a little later, wanting to reread some of White. There was a passage that he was having some trouble with and he wanted to get a handle on it before he left. He knew he wouldn’t be bringing it up before the end of his trip, not with how quiet Jules was getting. He had no doubt that would be a recipe for disaster. He simply wanted to figure out what was troubling him so when she was ready to talk about it some more, he’d have his notes.

He kissed her good night and tucked her in. He came back out, grabbed another beer, and reread that passage. It took him a while, he even got up and paced a little bit, but he finally realized why he was having trouble. He made a note in the margin about the minor inconsistency he’d found and felt like he could finally put it to rest. He’d be able to concentrate on her for the whole day. He headed in a little after midnight and fell asleep with Jules in his arms.

When Chris woke Thursday at his normal time, Jules wasn’t in bed with him. Her side of the bed was cool so he knew she hadn’t been there for a while.

He headed to the kitchen hoping to find her and if not, one of her notes.

She wasn’t there, and there was no note.

He searched her house, hoping that she was in her guest room or maybe out back, but she wasn’t anywhere around. He checked and found her purse and keys so he knew she couldn’t have gone far, probably just out for a run. He made coffee, grabbed his iPad and headed out back. It was a gorgeous, albeit breezy morning, but he didn’t want to be inside any longer than he had to. He hoped that Jules wanted to get out of the house for a few hours and go for a drive. Maybe that would be the distraction she needed.

When he headed inside to grab his third cup of coffee and there still was no sign of her, he wondered where she had gone.

When he realized that he was going to fix lunch without her, he started to get concerned. He called Henry.

He had just finished cleaning up after his lunch and had settled on the sofa when he heard her front door open. She came walking in, red-faced and panting. She didn’t acknowledge his presence when she walked through her house to grab some water before heading in to take a shower. She didn’t give him a kiss on the cheek when she came out 20 minutes later, freshly scrubbed and carrying her manuscript. She walked into the living room and dropped her book with a loud bang on the floor right next to the sofa, heading into the kitchen.

Chris wasn’t sure what exactly was going on. He was sure, though, that this had to do with her upcoming trip.

When she came back out, a bottle of wine and glass in one hand, grabbing the book off the floor and heading to the fireplace, Chris began paying very close attention. It was still early in the day, much too early for her to be drinking like this. It just wasn’t like her.

She opened the glass doors and pulled the metal screen to the side and tossed her manuscript onto the grate. Chris knew what she was about to attempt and was on her in a flash. He stopped her from lighting the match she had in her hand and tossing it into the fireplace as he grabbed her manuscript. Jules fought him, trying to wrench her work from his hands, but he wasn’t about to let go.

“Let go of me!”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m getting rid of this piece of shit!”

“Jules! This is not a piece of shit. It’s brilliant!”

“It is an utter piece of crap. I need to finish destroying it.

“What do you mean, ‘finish’?”

Jules got tightlipped and wouldn’t maintain eye contact.

“Jules, baby, what do you mean, ‘finish destroying it’?”

“I deleted it from my laptop.”

“You did what?”

“I deleted it.” She’d become quite defiant, but Chris was sure he also saw a hint of panic in her eyes.

He’d had some trouble with a laptop a few years back and was able to recover most everything that he thought he’d lost, so he didn’t immediately panic. And regardless, the hard copy still existed. He knew now that he had to protect it at all costs.

“Baby, you are not getting rid of this. Now come here, sit down.” When she wouldn’t follow him he picked her up and carried her the few steps, setting her down on the sofa next to him. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“This is an absolute piece of shit, Chris. You don’t know.”

“I do, too. I’ve read every single one of your books. I know your stories. I love your writing. A lot of people do.”

“What do _they_ know? What do _you_ know?”

“Don’t dismiss me like that.” Chris couldn’t keep the hurt out of his tone. He realized something had to have happened.

Jules started talking to her lap.

“I don’t know why you haven’t seen right through me.”

“What do you mean?”

He had to strain to hear her.

“You’re all going to see right through me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I am such a fake. My writing is shit.”

“Baby, no it’s not.”

“I don’t even understand why people buy my books. They’re awful.”

“No, honey, they’re not.” He hoped this was just before tour jitters, but it felt like there was something else at play. “You’ll go out on this tour and people who love your work will buy it and want to see you. You’ll do this again next summer when Grey comes out and then next Christmas, or whenever it is that White is published.”

She began to panic, the color draining from her face as her eyes bugged out. She was covering her mouth when she spoke, making it even harder for Chris to hear.

“Oh my god, I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“Dinner. Next summer. Oh my god, he’s gonna tear my writing apart. I have to call Henry, have him cancel it.”

“No he’s not. Come on, calm down. Jules, look at me.”

Chris knew he had to remain calm to help allay her fears. First, he had to learn what was causing them.

“Jules, where is this coming from? You were so pleased with everything just a couple of days ago. What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Nope, I don’t believe that for a second. Something happened.”

Chris knew it was probably going to be pulling teeth to get it out of her, but she finally started talking.

“I got a call early this morning. The negotiations with the company that’s trying to option the rights, they’ve hit a snag.”

“What’s wrong?”

“One of the principals, from the production company, just read Black. He called it ‘juvenile’.”

“He’s an idiot.”

“No, he’s not. Not at all.”

“You don’t know him. Clearly he doesn’t know you or your work.”

“But I do, he does.”

“Someone knows you, knows your books, and he’s calling it juvenile? No. Not possible. Who is it?”

“Someone from Promethean Productions.”

“Promethean? I know that name? Where do I know that name?”

“Henry.”

“Henry. As in _Henry_ Henry? Our Henry?”

Her nod would have been missed had he not been looking directly at her, it was so slight.

“Yeah. He called it juvenile, thought it was drivel produced just for mass consumption.”

“Oh, he and I are so going to have words.”

Chris got up off the sofa and dialed Henry, grabbing the manuscript and heading out the front door, away from her house. He didn’t want Jules to hear what he had to say to him, and he didn’t want her to have an opportunity to torch her work. Considering that they’d been on the phone less than an hour ago because of Jules, Henry answered right away.

“Did she show up?”

“Don’t even fucking give me that. What are you doing to her?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Juvenile?” He could barely control his rage.

“What’s juvenile?”

“You, you fucking ass. Did you not think it would get back to her?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Henry felt as if he’d been dropped into an alternate universe.

“You’re trying to option her books.”

“Yeah…?” He was surprised Jules had told him. She’d said she’d keep everything confidential. “And?”

“You didn’t think calling Black ‘juvenile’ would get back to her?”

“What are you talking about? I haven’t read Black. I’m about a hundred pages into Yellow and so far I’m liking what I’m reading. I had to put it down so I didn’t get sidetracked during my shoot. I’ll be picking it back up and hopefully finishing it off, and the rest of them, once we wrap the shoot in a couple of weeks. I know it’s a lot of reading, but if we get to an agreement, I want to know what I’m dealing with.”

“She thinks it’s you, that you’re the one who called it juvenile.”

“No. I haven’t even read it.”

“Well, someone on your team did. And it got back to her this morning. She’s flipping out right now. She deleted White. You know she leaves tomorrow for her book tour, right?”

“What the fuck? Let me talk to her.”

“No. Getting her to focus and pay attention is almost impossible right now. I don’t know if she’d hear anything you’d have to say. Let me see what I can do first. See if I can get her to calm down. You need to find out who on your team did that to her.”

“Trust me, I will. I know it wasn’t Charlie. He’s obsessed with these books. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s got a bit of a crush on Jules. It must be someone Rex brought in.”

“Rex?”

“He’s another partner.”

“Just, get to the bottom of it. If I need to get you on the phone I’ll call, but I’m going to try to fix this.”

“Thank god you’re there.”

“Yeah, if I wasn’t, White would be nothing but ash right now.”

“Are you kidding me? She really deleted it?”

“Well, she says she did. We should be able to recover it. She tossed the manuscript she’d printed into the fireplace and was getting ready to light it. Thank god it’s warm and we didn’t have a fire going or it would’ve gone up in smoke. And that’d be a shame because it’s fucking brilliant.”

Chris thought that maybe they’d been cut off. It took Henry more than a couple of beats to respond to him.

“She let you read it?”

“Yeah, it was really cute, too. She’d had a copy made and bound and she pretended to hem and haw over whether or not to let me read it. I’d read Grey, the last time I was here, and I found something that she fixed. The whole thing is fantastic, the whole series I mean. And that includes Grey. But White? Damn. It’s sublime.”

“Seriously? That good?”

“Yeah, but what do I know. She won’t listen to me. She won’t take my word for it. We spent quite a bit of time Tuesday going over it. You know what, I’m not gonna say anymore. You haven’t read the series so I’d probably give something away and ruin it and I don’t want to do that. I mean, as long as you like it. If it turns out you don’t, but well, if you don’t, would you still do it? Option it, I mean?”

“You say it’s good, it’s gotta be good.”

“Thanks. Nice to know someone trusts my opinion.”

“Look, just try to get through to her. Do what you can. Let her know this didn’t come from either Charlie or me. She might believe you if you let her know Charlie is obsessed with her books. I just hope whoever said that didn’t completely screw everything up.”

“Do me a favor? Once you start reading it and if you like it, let her know? I don’t know why, but for some reason she really thinks her work is crap. Hell, if it was really crap, they wouldn’t be publishing her. And she sure as hell wouldn’t have sold as many books as she has.”

“How many?”

“You don’t know? And you’re trying to option them?”

“That’s Charlie. He wants the rights.”

“Well, I know they inflate and round numbers up, but from what I’ve been told, it’s close to 175 million.”

“Damn.”

“Right? Okay, I’m sure you gotta go, I need to get back to her, stop her brain from sabotaging her. We should talk more about this, when things calm down and when you have time.”

“Yeah, we can do that. Look, let me figure out what’s going on, who the idiot is who said that. We’ll get this worked out.”

“Henry, I’m sorry I jumped down your throat. I should have known better, but she’s in a bad place right now, really dark, and I overreacted.”

“I would’ve done the same thing. Don’t worry about it. Damn it, just do what you can to fix this, to help her. If you need, call me. I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, I’m here. I might even be able to get away for a couple of days if I have to.”

“By the time you got here she’d be on her book tour. It starts Saturday in Chicago, and I don’t have her schedule after that.”

“Hopefully it won’t come to that, but if I need to get away then I will. Hey, and if not me, then I’ll send Charlie. We’ll do what we have to do.”

“Okay.”

“Um, word of advice. You’ll need to get her out of her head.”

“Yeah, looks like. Thanks for being cool about this. I’ll send a text or call, let you know when we’re past the darkness.”

“I appreciate that. Take care of our girl.”

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye.”

When Chris got back to her house, he took a moment to steady himself. He needed to be the calm one right now and try to get through to Jules, especially since what was going on in her head was not reality.

It was quiet when he entered her house. He noticed that her wine glass was still out, but the bottle wasn’t. Jules walked back in, carrying a newly opened bottle.

“Jules, honey, I don’t think that’s the best idea right now.”

“You know more about what I need than I do? Really?”

Chris had not been prepared for her attack.

“Excuse me?”

“How on earth do you know that I don’t need a drink to calm my nerves right now, or to get through the rest of this day, or to put up with you shoving everything under the rug? I’ll bet you’ve even got an excuse for Henry ready to go, don’t you? Well, let’s hear it.”

Chris felt like he’d just been slapped. Hard. The gentle soul from Monday night was definitely under lock and key. He knew she was trying to protect herself, but this was pretty extreme. He was reeling from what had just come out of her mouth.

“Yeah, thought so. Trying to recraft his excuse? He’s backing off the ‘juvenile’ assessment, isn’t he?”

“No.”

“Wow. So he’s actually standing by it? Oh, if he thinks I’m going to let this go through-”

“No.”

“What?”

“He doesn’t stand by that statement at all.”

“But you just said he’s not backing off of it.”

“He’s not backing off because he never made it.”

“What?”

“He didn’t call Black juvenile. He hasn’t even read it.”

“But he said it was juvenile.”

Chris knew he was going to have to remain patient and repeat himself.

“No, he didn’t. He hasn’t read it. He’s only about a hundred pages into Yellow.”

“Then why is his company looking to option my books?”

“Because his brother Charlie is obsessed with them.”

“Then who said it?”

“Henry thinks it’s someone he doesn’t know, someone Rex brought in. I don’t know who this Rex person is, all I know is he’s some sort of partner. Anyway, it’s not Charlie, it’s not Henry.”

“But someone thinks it!”

“So? I’m sure someone thinks Shakespeare is juvenile.”

“What does Shakespeare have to do with this?”

“All I’m saying is it isn’t anyone important. Look, you show me a single piece of art, a painting, sculpture, literature, film, anything: someone, somewhere isn’t going to like it. Nothing is perfect.”

“But-”

“No, Jules. Nothing is perfect. I don’t care how good you are, no one is perfect. You know this.”

Jules was clearly not happy with his argument, but she couldn’t say anything against it.

Granted, their exchange didn’t last long, but Chris wouldn’t stand for being talked to like she had, especially for no reason.

“Now, are you going to apologize?”

He realized, entirely too late, that he probably should have waited for this part. He kept himself as relaxed as he could. He had to if he was going to face Jules’ anger.

“Why would I be apologizing to you?”

“Did I just sweep everything under the rug? Did I have an excuse for Henry?”

“No!”

“Why are you so angry with me?”

“I’m not!”

She got up and started pacing.

“What’s going on, Jules?”

“You act like I should just be taking your word for everything.”

“Wait, you don’t believe me about Henry?”

“No, it’s not that. I know you wouldn’t lie to me. It’s just…”

“’It’s just…’ what?” He was pretty sure he knew where she was going, but he needed her to say it.

“My writing, well, it’s only your opinion.”

“Does my opinion not count?”

“No, that’s not it, of course it counts. But you’re just one person, and…”

“’And…’ what?”

“And you’re just an actor, you’re not a publisher, you’re not a writer.”

It was Chris’s turn to take a few extra moments to calm down.

“You’re right, I’m not. You know what I am, though? I’m someone who has to read stories for a living. I have to be able to picture what a writer is saying, I have to picture what is going on in their head, in the director’s head, and interpret it. Not to mention when I directed, I had to have the whole picture in my head, from what the writer put on paper. I think I do a pretty decent job.”

“No, you do, you do.” He realized she hadn’t thought of that.

“I’m hearing a ‘but’ in there.”

“You collaborate on stuff, you get feedback as you’re doing it, your art. When you’re directing you see dailies so you can talk to the actors, make corrections. When you’re acting you hear from the director or the studio or whoever. It’s not like you have to do your whole performance and then wait for what feels like, ever, to know how you did.”

“Oh, that is completely untrue.”

“How so?”

“Most of the movies I do don’t come out for a year. I have to wait for a year to find out how people think I did. And if they don’t like it, it’s completely public. And I’m required to talk about it in press tours and I’m asked about it in interviews. Forever. And if they don’t like it, some of them have thrown the reviews in my face and it’s caught on camera and I still have to be gracious and thoughtful and nice.”

“But you know that you satisfied the director, or the studio. You know that.”

“And what about your editors and your publishers? Aren’t they like my director and my studio? Aren’t they honest with you?”

“I… I…” Jules turned on her heel and walked out in a huff.

Chris stopped himself from chasing after Jules. He wasn’t sure how much of this was her upcoming book tour and how much was the idiot at Henry’s company. He wanted to give her some time to calm down, maybe think about what they’d discussed. And, if he was going to be honest with himself, he was looking to calm down, too.

He headed into the kitchen and grabbed a beer, leaning against the counter and wondering how long Jules would be in her room.


	9. Chapter 9

It didn’t take Jules long to emerge from her bedroom. Her time alone did not have the effect on her for which Chris had been hoping.

“It’s like you’re expecting me to be sympathetic about your work, your situation, that everything is about you you you right now and I can’t, I just, I can’t do that, Chris.”

He’d thought she would try to calm down when she removed herself from their conversation. Chris realized he was wrong, dead wrong. Every time she was alone it got much, much worse. She was not safe with her own thoughts. He wasn’t going to put up with her trying to push him away. He knew she needed him, even if she didn’t.

“That is absolutely not what’s going on right now and you know it!”

“But-”

“Stop!” He’d had it. He couldn’t handle her continuing to fight him when he knew she was wrong. He knew she’d end up beating herself up over pushing him away, and try to push him further when she inevitably withdrew. He couldn’t let that happen.

And then he saw her face, her shock at him yelling at her. He had to backtrack, and quickly.

“Baby, no.”

Chris grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him. He sat on the stool at the island in the kitchen and pulled her between his legs. He held her and stroked her arms, trying to get her to calm down and see reason.

“No, Jules. I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated. I can’t get you to hear me right now and I know I’m doing something wrong when all I’m trying to do is help.”

“Chris-”

“No, Jules, I need you to listen to me. I need you to let me speak and to hear me. I don’t want you to interrupt me.”

He saw the war going on behind her eyes and wondered if she’d agree.

“’Kay.”

He waited until her breathing slowed and she was able to maintain eye contact.

“I am not looking for anything from you right now. I don’t need support. I probably will at some point, but not now. You’re the one having a hard time. Remember, you were telling me that I couldn’t possibly understand what you go through. All I was doing was trying to tell you that I do understand, that there’s a lot of similarities in our work, more than you think. Yes, writing and acting are different, but they’re also the same. All I was trying to get you to do was to see that.”

“But Chris-”

“I’m not done.”

“Sorry.”

“You heard something completely awful this morning, and when you thought that comment came from someone you’re getting close to, it blew your world apart, didn’t it?”

The look on her face acknowledged what he said. His heart ached for her.

“You should have woken me up-”

“I didn’t-”

“Sweetheart, I’m still not done.”

“Sorry.”

“You should have woken me up. If I hadn’t been here, you should have called me. Better yet, you really should have called Henry.”

Jules pulled a face that was unmistakable in how she felt about that prospect.

“Yeah, you should have. You would have cleared up this whole mess before it went anywhere. Before you spent however many hours alone, spinning yourself up like a top. But if you didn’t think you could confront him about saying something like that and I get that, I do, you should have come to me. You should have woken me up.” She was getting ready to interrupt him again, but he caught her before she tried. “No! I am not done yet. I will tell you when I’m done. I need you to listen to me.”

The scowl on her face was unmistakable. She broke eye contact and pulled away from him. It took everything within him to stay calm and not lose control. She was testing his patience.

“You were probably thinking you didn’t want to bother me.” He felt her struggle cease. He hoped she was really listening. “You know what bothers me? What really bothers me?” Her eyes darted about, connecting with him and then breaking the connection. He waited for her to calm down. He wanted her to hear him. When she finally locked eyes with him, he continued. “You not coming to me? That bothers me.”

Jules scoffed at him. It was silent, but unmistakable. He realized he needed to explain.

“You are not alone, not anymore. I can’t speak for Henry, but I bet he feels the same. I’m here for you. I know this is new, and it’s hard. If you’re having a hard time with something, I want you to call me or to wake me up or to poke me on the arm and say ‘I need you’. I want to help you if I can.”

Chris could tell she wasn’t listening anymore, not with the attitude she was throwing in his direction. She had something on her mind that needed to be said. “You look like you need to say something. Out with it.”

“It just seems like a lot to burden you with. Casual relationships aren’t meant to be supportive.”

“Why do you think this is casual?” His wondered: did she only see this as casual, as a fling?

His question caught her by surprise.

“Well, I’m seeing both you and Henry.”

He fingered the necklace, tracing it all the way down to the charms. He grabbed the center one, the ‘J/C’ combination.

“Does _this_ feel casual to you?”

It took Jules a moment to understand, and the gift took on a whole new meaning for her. She gave a gentle shake of her head.

Chris dropped the charm and his hand slid to the side of her neck, his thumb extended, rigid under her chin, holding her head in place. His gaze was serious and he did not waver. His voice dropped.

“Does this feel casual to you?”

“No,” she mouthed as she peered at him through her lashes.

Chris tilted her head back, sealing his lips over hers. His movement was slow and deliberate, intimate. He repositioned himself in the chair so he was sitting on the edge. His arm snaked around her waist, his hand on the small of her back so he could pull her to him, hold her close, her body tight to his. His intent was unmistakable.

He took his time, wanting to connect with her before he did anything else. Her hands started on his chest and inched their way up, slowly. When she finally wrapped her arms around him, around his neck, something that seemed to take forever for her to do, that’s when the kiss shifted. It was about that moment, it was about _them_ , about their connection. It wasn’t about pursuing something or trying to undress each other or heightening pleasure. It was about what they couldn’t or wouldn’t put into words. They’d each started to suspect that there was more between them the last time Chris was in town. Now they each knew with certainty the other thought there was more.

Neither wanted to talk about or put a label on what was going on, mostly because they weren’t really all that sure or knew exactly what it was. And it didn’t help that they were gun-shy.

He needed air, but he needed Jules more. It was entirely too intimate a moment to put a halt to the physical connection, so he held her, kissed her for as long as he could, until he was desperate for oxygen, their hearts beating entirely too quickly to subsist on what little they were able to take in. He put it off for as long as possible, but he had to stop, quietly gasping for breath and a smile on his face when he heard the same from Jules. Chris wanted it to be unmistakable that casual was not on the table. Not by a longshot.

“Did that feel casual to you?”

His hand, still on her neck, distracted her from her answer. He mistook her hesitation for something else.

“Tell me that didn’t feel casual to you.”

She finally heard him and responded.

“No, not casual, not at all.”

“No.”

Chris connected with Jules one more time, kissing her and completely encasing her in his arms, their bodies flush and her softness conforming to his brawn. They finally pulled back from each other, separating only as much as was needed.

“This isn’t casual, Jules, not for me.” He stroked her cheek, encouraging her to meet his eyes. “I’m not going to speak for Henry, but you should talk to him, too. Just because you’re seeing both of us doesn’t mean this is casual.” An awful thought occurred to him and he had to know, “unless this is casual… for you, I mean. Is it?”

The uncertainty behind his question had her wanting to reassure and calm him.

“No, it’s not.”

He heard a hesitation and prepared himself for what might come out of her mouth next.

“But it doesn’t change anything.”

“What doesn’t it change?”

“This manuscript sucks. My writing sucks!”

“Are you kidding?

“What? I’m not allowed to have an opinion about my own work?”

“Jules, having an opinion is one thing. Calling yourself stupid or an idiot when you are not, saying your writing sucks when it clearly doesn’t, that’s a problem. Why do you think that?”

He didn’t know if she couldn’t answer or if she wouldn’t answer, he only knew that she remained silent. He wasn’t going to let her get away with that.

“Jules, why do you think it sucks?”

“It just does.”

He saw the petulant 19 year old, the one she’d referenced earlier in the week, make an appearance.

“That’s not an answer and you know it.”

“You know why.”

“No, no I don’t. You need to tell me.”

“It’s awful; it’s _juvenile_.”

“You don’t even know who said that. That was a complete stranger. Why does that person carry more weight than I do, or your editor or publisher?”

“You guys all know me, whoever this person is, he doesn’t know me. He’s more objective.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Because he _doesn’t_ know me. He doesn’t have an agenda.”

“I don’t have an agenda.”

“Yeah, sure, right. You don’t.”

“Wait just a minute. What agenda could I possibly have? It’s not like I was trying to get into your pants when I read Grey, and I wouldn’t do something like that anyway. So what’s my agenda?”

“How ‘bout…” Now it was Jules turn to get frustrated. She didn’t have anything to back up her statement and that drove her crazy.

Chris realized Jules had a pattern of lashing out anytime she saw an argument wasn’t going her way.

“Right. I don’t have one, but he could absolutely have one. He probably does.”

“Like what? Name one.” He could tell she assumed there wouldn’t be a single one. He’d show her.

“First, he could be saying that to try to get you to back off of any of the demands that you have that he doesn’t like or to get you to come down in price. So that’s two.” Chris continued to count off each possible agenda on his fingers as he listed them. “He might not like the genre, not everyone likes police stuff. He could simply be an idiot and not know what the fuck he’s doing and covering for himself. He could have another author that he wants to go after rather than you and he’s saying this to get you to back out so he can go after who he wants. That’s just off the top of my head. You only asked for one and I gave you five. Give me more time, I’ll come up with more.”

When she was quiet for longer than he expected, Chris didn’t know how to take it. Was she thinking about what he’d just said? Was she trying to come to grips with it? Or was she trying to find another argument? He’d been surprised to find out that she thought, even if for just a moment, that he had ulterior motives.

“Jules, it’s not like I simply gush and blow sunshine up your ass. I’ve been reading your work for years. And our conversations? Yeah, I have praised you, because there’s a hell of a lot to praise. Your writing is fantastic. But I’ve also critiqued your work, showing you places where I thought you needed a little more, or a little less, or needed to connect the dots a little better. I told you how you were telegraphing from Amber to Purple to Black, and how I predicted that twist that you had in Grey. I was being completely honest with you. Why are you so quick to believe this complete stranger who’s given you no foundation, no credibility for himself other than he read your book? Are you even sure he actually read your book?” As she mulled over that prospect, a question he’d had previously resurfaced, one that he hadn’t yet asked. “Baby, who told you that your writing sucks?”

“I told you who. I mean, I thought it was Henry but we know it’s not, but that guy.”

“No, I mean who told you earlier.”

“What do you mean, ‘earlier’?”

“It had to be at some other point in your career that someone told you that your writing sucks. You believed this anonymous person’s criticism way too easily. Someone else had to have told you that. Was it someone you trusted?”

He knew he was getting somewhere when she tried to pull away from him. He decided to go with what he thought.

“You mentioned that your dad didn’t want you to write, that you start each tour in Chicago to kinda show him that he was wrong. Was it him? Did he tell you that your writing wasn’t good?”

He saw her struggle. She wanted to open up to him but didn’t want to talk about something that was obviously painful. He couldn’t blame her. He needed to understand if he was going to help.

“Come on, Jules. Talk to me.”

She took a deep breath and let it out, wanting to calm herself before she started.

“No, it wasn’t him. He didn’t _say_ that. He wanted me to ‘do something’ with my life. He wanted me to go to college, become someone. He didn’t see writing as a profession.”

“So, if it wasn’t your father, it was…”

“My mother.”

Finally, things were starting to make sense.

“She didn’t want you to be a writer?”

“She didn’t think I could be one. She told me I was going to embarrass her.” Jules looked like she was going to continue that thought but her jaw snapped shut instead.

“What else did she say? Was she the one who told you you were, what, an idiot… stupid?”

It was painful to watch her, a woman who had so much talent, be reduced to what he saw in front of him. Her furrowed brow with her eyes squeezed shut screamed that he was right. He hated seeing the tears start down her face.

“All the time. I didn’t get good grades in anything but English. I tried, I mean, I really tried. It was a really big struggle. Math and science just wasn’t interesting to me. I read so much, and Gramp encouraged me.”

“Gramp?”

“My mom’s dad.”

“So, Gramp encouraged you to read?”

“Yeah, and to write, too. He was the one who put the idea into my head that I could be a writer. He was the only one who encouraged me to do anything.”

“See, you had someone who was in your corner.”

She was unexpectedly quiet.

“What’s wrong, Jules?”

“She told me how he really felt after he died.”

“What do you mean?”

“She told me that he’d meant it as a joke, that he’d told her that he was sorry that she had to deal with my wanting to be a writer, with trying to let me down since everything I wrote was awful.”

“She told you that?”

“After he died, yeah. But by then I knew I wanted to be a writer. I didn’t care if I ever had a house or a car or anything like that. I didn’t care about success or sales. All I wanted to do was write. My senior year, I had a couple of short stories published and that’s what made me think I could do this. She kept telling me I was no good, that I’d embarrass her. She told me I was going to be lucky to find a guy who would put up with my crazy dreams.”

Chris was surprised she was being so open with him after all the prompting and tugging he’d had to do to get her to this point. Then he realized how alone she’d been, and wondered how much of that was due to her mother. Maybe she just needed someone to listen to her?

“Why didn’t your father stick up for you?”

“He was never home, he was always at the hospital. He’d get home after I was in bed. He’d be out the door before I woke up. I did try to talk to him about it once, but he got mad, _really_ mad so I dropped it and never tried to talk to him about it again. After that I was pretty sure she was speaking for both of them, and he confirmed it the last time we spoke. She was going through her normal tirade, ‘I can’t believe you’re doing this to us, you’re gonna be such an embarrassment, you are such a disappointment’ – that one was new – and the last thing she ever said to me? ‘I want you packed and out of my house when I get home’. She was throwing me out.”

Chris couldn’t imagine ever saying something like that to his child.

“When Dad got on, I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. He interrupted and asked me about my college plans and when I told him I’d decided against it he said ‘what did your mother just tell you?’ And I told him, thinking that he was going to back me, I mean, throwing me out of the house was pretty drastic. And that’s when he said ‘then you better get packing.’ Those were his last words to me. He hung up the phone. That’s when I knew for sure: she’d been speaking for him all along.”

“What did you do?”

“I freaked out. I had no place to go, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Then I started packing. I was hoping that maybe they’d cool off on the drive home, but I still packed. I was packing when the cops showed up.”

Chris wiped the tears from her face.

“Jules, your mother was wrong.”

“No, she wasn’t. I suck.”

“What about all your fans? All the people who buy your books? Do they not count?”

“It’s not that many people. Besides that-”

“Yeah, I know I know, that ‘shades of shit’ stuff. It hasn’t sold nearly as many as you have.” When she scoffed again, Chris began to wonder something. “Jules, do you know how many books you’ve sold?”

“That doesn’t mean anything, that doesn’t mean I’m a good writer.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t pay attention to that stuff.”

“You have to know based on how much money you’ve made.”

“I make enough. My manager deposits my checks. I don’t pay attention to that.”

“Hold on, how do you pay your taxes?”

“People take care of that stuff for me. My manager has them done for me. All I do sign and I’m done. Whatever I owe, on whatever earnings I make: my manager sends that in.”

“You have absolutely no clue, do you?”

“I’ve made enough money to have this house and for my food and stuff.”

“How do you handle your money?”

“What do you mean?”

“Investments, whatever?”

“I told you. My manager handles all that.”

Chris studied her face, wanting to see if she was trying to conceal anything from him.

“You seriously have no idea, do you?”

“No, I don’t need to know. I live very frugally. I have an allowance that I stick to each month. I got a great deal on the house when I bought it. I know it’s small, and it’s especially small when the two of you are here, but I paid it off a couple of years ago and it’s not too small for just me.”

He realized she truly had no idea.

“Well, then you’ll you find it surprising that, according to Wikipedia, you’ve sold over 150 million books.”

Jules looked like she was trying to decipher a math problem.

“I’m sorry, how many?”

“150. Million.”

“That’s got to be wrong. Someone had to have added at least a couple of zeros to that. Besides, you can’t trust Wikipedia. Don’t ever use it as a source for anything.”

“When I saw that number, I had my folks check. From what I understand, it’s closer to 175. I was surprised that it hadn’t been updated”

“But then that would mean that I’ve sold like, 10, 15 million _per book_? No, no. No that’s not possible. No.”

If he wasn’t so flabbergasted by the fact that she had no idea, her constant shaking of her head would have been amusing. Possibly funny.

“You should probably go call your manager. Get the story direct from them.”

“No. No, no way.”

“Jules, go give ‘em a call.”

It took Chris a while to convince her she should give them a call. He showed her the Wikipedia entry about her. She didn’t like reading about herself and wouldn’t check it for mistakes. She shut the lid to her laptop and headed into her bedroom to check in with her manager. Chris had insisted she close the door, wanting her to be able to ask any question without fear of being overheard.

In the meantime, he moved her manuscript, hiding it in the buffet in her dining room. He didn’t want any possibility of her trying to destroy her work. He was pretty sure they’d be able to recover the electronic version, but there were notes in the margins from the conversations they’d had, and his Post-its throughout. He didn’t want to lose any of that. He knew she’d come to her senses, eventually. But he didn’t know what would happen until then.

Chris stepped out back and gave Henry a quick call, letting him know that he was in the clear. She understood that neither he nor Charlie had said anything negative about her work. When he explained what was going on, only in broad terms, Henry’s comment was that he’d known there was something behind her always talking down about herself. He was sad to hear that her parents hadn’t supported her.

“I can’t imagine ever doing that to my kids.”

“Yeah, neither can I.”

“Did she go into any detail on what happened, or how long, or anything?”

“She did. Look, you guys should talk, probably face to face. It’s not that I don’t want you to know, I just don’t feel right talking about her, you know? Like, it’s not my story, it’s hers. But I wanted you to understand in case she keeps trashing herself like she does.”

“I do, I get it. And I appreciate it. I hope she’s able to get past this.”

“Well, at least she knows. Oh, and get this: she had no idea how many books she’s sold.”

“How is that possible?”

“She relied a lot on other people to take care of things for her.”

“Are you sure about this, are you sure she’s not pulling your leg? She’s coming to Europe for the summer, and she was talking about going to Hawaii or Tahiti. She has to know something, doesn’t she?”

“I’d hate to think she was lying about this. If she is, she’s a far better actor than either of us.”

“Well, just, be careful, you know?”

“I will. If you’d seen her, though, I doubt you’d think she knew. Look, I’m going to go. She’s been on with her manager for a while and I’m sure she’ll be out any moment.”

“Thanks for the update.”

“Sure thing. Hey, anything on that guy? The one who started all of this?”

“No. I asked Charlie who he was, what his credentials were and he’s looking into it. I didn’t tell him why. I don’t need him panicking, too. Go take care of her and let me know how things turn out, okay?”

“Will do.”

They said their good byes and hung up.

The wind had started blowing fiercely while they were talking and it continued, grey clouds in a quick step overhead, marching inland with the threat of rain. Chris knew he might be tempting fate, but he started a fire. He wanted to make the room intimate and comforting for her. He hoped this would put all the craziness behind her, but he suspected there was more. He replayed his conversation with Henry and knew he had to get her to stop thinking and just breathe.

Chris hoped that maybe Jules would start to see things his way. He knew this wouldn’t be fixed with one conversation, but, hopefully, it would be a start. He headed into the kitchen to grab some water and wait for her to reappear.


	10. Chapter 10

When Jules walked into her kitchen, she looked more than a little shell-shocked.

“Do you believe me now?”

“I just… I don’t… I’m flabbergasted right now. I don’t understand this.”

“Do you now understand why I can tell you with absolute certainty that your writing doesn’t suck?”

“I had no idea.”

“I know. I can tell.”

“It doesn’t prove that I’m a good writer.”

“God damn it, Jules, cut it out!”

“What? I’m still not allowed to have an opinion? About _my_ work?”

“What is it going to take to prove to you that you’re a good writer? What will it take?”

She wouldn’t answer, or maybe she couldn’t.

“You thought you didn’t sell that many books, turns out you’re wrong about that. You have a publisher who will work with you on your schedule. They’re not dictating to you, well, I mean they pushed you to publish as frequently as you were, and I don’t blame them. And I gotta say, as a fan of your work, it was nice to get the next story so quickly, but you’ve told them you need time and they’re not pushing back, are they?” A barely there shake of her head told him he was right. “You’re dictating to them. How many companies have tried to option your books?

“That doesn’t-”

“Give me a number, Jules. How many?”

“Promethean’s the eighth.”

“Have they told you their plans?”

“I haven’t been involved in the negotiations.”

Chris could hear her getting defiant again. He had to shut this down.

“Jules, don’t even try that with me. You at least know the broad strokes or the negotiations wouldn’t be happening.” He knew he was starting to lose his calm, but he was about ready to shake some sense into her.

She sighed when she capitulated, right before she started to answer his questions.

“They don’t want to do all of them, and they think there are several that they can combine or skip with there being no problem with the overall story, but they know they have certain ones that they want to do.”

“How many?”

“They’re thinking that there are five key stories to the overall, but that’s only if it all works the way they really want it to. If it exceeds their expectations, it could end as high as seven or eight, _if_ everything works out.”

“Holy cow. How the hell are they going to be able to do that? Several of your stories overlap.”

“They’re talking about shooting them in groups of two or three at a time, after they see how the first one does. It depends on how many they end up wanting to make.”

“Okay, that makes sense. Try one and see how it’s received. Makes complete sense. How close are you making them stay to the source material?”

“No different than anyone else. I’m making them stay pretty close.”

“And they’re still negotiating with you, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, but Henry’s involved.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, he knows me, we’re involved, seeing each other, whatever.”

“But it’s Charlie who’s gung ho for this. Do you think he would be if these books weren’t great stories? Jules! Think about it!”

Chris had to take a deep breath before he started yelling.

“They’re talking about doing _five_ movies. That’s a hell of a commitment. Do you have any idea who they are talking about being in them?”

“I expect they’ll want Henry in it somehow. You know, name recognition.”

“Tell me this. Do you think Henry would get involved with something if he didn’t think it was good? He’s not down on his luck, his career hasn’t hit the skids. He doesn’t need a reboot. He’s on the rise. He would never attach himself to something he didn’t believe in, right?”

He saw her hesitate.

“Henry is too valuable as Superman for him to be in some sort of crap film. You know they’d give him flack for it. Not that they control his career, but they’d give him hell if he signed on for something that everyone knows would be shit. Sure, he’d push forward if it was something he wanted to do, but do you think he wouldn’t listen to others? Come on, you know the answer to this.”

Chris could tell he was starting to get through to her. He couldn’t understand why she was still fighting it.

“Come on, Jules, can’t you see? You’re a smart woman. It’s still your mother, isn’t it? She’s in your head right now, isn’t she? Is she the one who keeps you thinking that you’re never going to be good? Is she the one who keeps telling you that you can’t write?”

“She has to be right.”

Chris couldn’t help but wonder why Jules was so desperate to cling to this notion that her mother had been right. He didn’t understand.

“Why?”

“She’s my mother. She wouldn’t lie to me, would she?”

“Look, I don’t know her and I only know what you’ve told me about her, but why do you think that she wouldn’t, but I would? Henry, Charlie, every other person in your life would?”

“She read those short stories that got published, and she read Yellow. I’d already sent it out to a bunch of people and she asked to read it and of course I gave it to her. I was hoping it would change her mind. After she read it, she told me I’d never be any good.”

“ _After_ she read Yellow? That doesn’t make any sense; it’s a great read. Are you sure she read it? When did she tell you this?”

“The last time we spoke. She told me there was no way someone was going to publish the work of a juvenile, that it was pure drivel.”

He waited for her to put the two together and when she didn’t, he knew he had to say something.

“Was that what she said?”

“Yeah.”

He looked at her. She didn’t get it.

“What?”

“What did she say? What words did she use?”

“That it was drivel, that they wouldn’t publish the work of a juvenile.”

“You still don’t see it, do you?”

“What?”

“She used ‘juvenile’, right? That word? What did this anonymous person use?”

If ever there were a lightbulb moment…

“Oh my god!”

When Jules buried her head in her hands, Chris grabbed and held her. She was shaking, on the verge of tears and doing what she could to hold them at bay. She heard everything her mother had said to her: all the hateful, awful things she’d ever said or called her. She’d known she wasn’t the daughter her mother had wanted and she had tried so hard to do better, to be the person she’d wanted her to be, to get her mother to love her. But it never worked.

Then she started thinking about all the conversations she’d had with her agent, manager, editor and publisher. Little snippets, here and there, about how she didn’t understand why they kept publishing her books, why people kept buying them. How her manager tried to get her to see, but she wouldn’t. How her editor tried to get her to see, but she couldn’t.

And then her conversations with Chris and Henry hit her.

The things she’d said to them. How she’d gone off on Henry. She was so mean to him and so dismissive. She’d been so awful.

And Chris.

She had been rude and hateful to him when she saw him, when he came back in from talking to Henry. The things she said. The things she’d _thought_. And then when she came out of the bedroom, when she attacked him and all he was trying to do was help. She felt sick to her stomach and that was when her tears started.

“Do you believe me now? That your writing doesn’t suck? That it’s actually good, really good?”

“I want to. I’ve always wanted to. I’m so sorry, Chris. I hope you know how sorry I am.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?”

“I was so awful and nasty to you earlier. I wouldn’t blame you if you left and never talked to me again.”

“I am not leaving.”

“But Chris-”

“Stop, I’m not leaving. My only plans right now are to be with you for however long I’m lucky enough to have you, to hold you, kiss you, see that you get on a plane to Chicago, and make love to you. But, not in that order.”

Her smile was short-lived as whatever was going on in her head took over once again.

“Baby, can you please just turn off your brain?”

“I can’t. It won’t. My mother, oh god she was right!”

“I want you to hear me. That woman was not right about a single thing. Not one.”

He searched her face, the pain evident as she wasn’t able to turn off whatever was going on in there.

“Do you want to? Stop it?”

“I need it to stop, but I don’t think I can. Can you make it stop? Shut her up?”

He smoothed the hair from her face and wiped at the tears on her cheeks, hoping his touch would bring her some peace.

“Is that what you want, Jules?”

“I need it.”

The harshness that had been in her tone from the moment she’d started speaking to him when she got back from her run was finally gone.

“There’s the gentle soul I know. My girl’s back. Come here, baby.”

Jules climbed onto Chris’s lap and her breath shuddered out of her, eyes closing when he put his arms around her and held her close. She settled with her head against his chest and he felt a few tears. As much as he wanted to know what was going on inside, he wanted her to have some time to process what she’d just discovered.

They sat like that for a time, his hands gently caressing her back. When he hadn’t felt any new tears in a while, he wanted to know how she was doing. He sat up straighter and she took her hint and sat up, too. He thumbed the remaining wetness from her cheeks and gave her a gentle kiss.

“Everything okay?”

“I’m really sorry, Chris.”

“She’s still in there, isn’t she?”

“I don’t know if she’ll ever leave.”

He nodded, knowing she was probably right. That saddened him. When he glanced at her he saw a desperation and intensity he hadn’t expected. He wanted to get that woman out of her head.

“I bet we could get her to leave, at least for a little while.”

The desperation he’d seen was given a voice.

“How? I’ll try anything.”

“I want you to kiss me, Jules.”

She rushed forth, wanting the physical connection with him. She wanted him to know she wanted him there. She whined when she felt him holding her at bay.

“There’s no rush, baby. We’ve got time.”

The words spilled quickly out of her. It took Chris a few seconds to understand her.

“But I want you I need you Chris I need you to know that I want you here-”

He reached up to her, barely touching her lips, wanting her to hear him. Rather than try to talk over her, he waited. It worked: she stopped talking.

“Shhhh, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, well, not until my flight tomorrow.” The brief flash of a smile barely made it to her eyes. He saw he was going to have an uphill battle to climb. He knew he needed her to relinquish control and it was going to require him to take an active role.

She tried to kiss him again and this time, when he held her back, he was cradling her head.

“No, no no. Shhh. Jules, look at me, take a deep breath, that’s right, now let it out. That’s my girl. One more time, deep breath, now hold it. That’s it. Hold it. A little more… now slowly, slowly, let it out. That’s right. One more deep breath, all the way, now let it out.” He felt her relax and noticed her shoulders lower.

He smoothed her hair away from her eyes and held her there, in his hands, close to him. Time slowed and stretched and wove a bubble around them, cocooning them in its embrace.

It was when he felt her hand on the back of his neck loosen its grip that he tested her and loosened his hold. She didn’t move, not right away. It was a bit before her other hand traveled from his waist to his chest to his face, fingers splayed but gentle. Her lips brushed over his before sealing. Time slowed even more. As long as she continued down this slow and gentle path, Chris was content to let her take the lead, but that was not going to stop him from holding her.

His arms, gentle around her, slowly tightened their grip. His clench became more obvious when she slid her tongue between his lips, making him moan. She had a desire to hear more of him as she continued to play in his mouth.

She held his head, fingers scraping along his ear and her nails scratching at his skin. She needed more: more of his touch, more of his skin under her, more of his heat enveloping her. Just more.

Jules pressed her body to Chris, straightening her back to where she was the taller of the two, forcing his head back just a little. She was still trying to be gentle with him, her mouth soft as her nails scraped the back of his head.

He read her message loud and clear: she needed him. Now. And then she did the unexpected: she pulled away. He could see the fight within her. She was valiant in her effort to remain in control, but it looked like she was losing the battle.

“What’s going on in your head?”

“I hate what I did to you. I was so awful to you earlier. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. Is that what you need from me? My forgiveness? You got it.”

“I need…”

Chris saw some panic edge its way into her expression and he stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers, hoping to help her.

“What do you need, baby?”

“I need… you.”

“Okay, you have me. I’m right here.”

“I need…”

“You can tell me whatever it is that you need.”

“I need help.”

“Tell me what I can do for you. Anything I can do, I will.”

“I have this, I don’t know, thing playing in my head telling me that I’ve screwed everything up and you’re going to leave. NO! Please don’t stop me; I need to say this. It’s telling me you’re going to leave and never look back and I don’t want you to think that you can’t do that, because if you want to then you need to be able to go. I don’t want you to feel cornered or forced into staying here with this crazy person in front of you. And as much as I don’t want you to leave, I’d rather have you do it now. It’s going to hurt, a lot, ‘cause I really like you, a lot. But I’d rather have it happen now, even with me leaving tomorrow. I can shove all the feelings aside and not pay attention to them for a few weeks and then come home and collapse. I’ve done it before, I can do it again. But I can’t have you here because of some obligation you feel. Okay. I’m done.”

She tried to get up, get off his lap so he could leave if he wanted, but his arms held her firmly in place.

“Is it still playing? This thing telling you I’m going to leave?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m not. Like I said before, I have no plans to go anywhere until I have to leave for my flight tomorrow and I’m only leaving then because you’re leaving. I plan on seeing you over New Year’s and I need to look at my calendar, but I want to see you as much as I can. I know talking anywhere beyond that is hard for you, but let me just say I want more.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do. You can get that ‘it will hurt’ idea out of your head, because that’s not my plan.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“No, I’m not just saying that. I wouldn’t do that to you. I think I’ve figured out what you need.”

“What?”

“You need to stop hearing that recording in your head.”

“Well, yeah.”

“Because it isn’t true.”

“Okay.” He hated that she didn’t sound convinced.

“’Okay’, well, we’ve been talking this whole time but you’ve been fighting me. Will you stop fighting me?”

“I want to.”

“Okay, Jules, you want to, but can you?”

“I’ve tried to.”

“Have you been able to?”

She shook her head as she answered.

“No.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. Seems to me like we need to do something pretty drastic, right?”

“Yeah. Look, I understand if you don’t want to-”

“No, baby, you’re not kicking me out of here. I want to help you. I just need to make sure I understand what you need. I don’t wanna mess this up and have you get frustrated on top of all this, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay, so what can we do to get this thing to stop playing? We know exercise won’t work. How long were you out running today?”

“I didn’t run the _whole_ time I was gone.”

“You were all red-faced and panting when you came in.”

“I ran from one of the beach cities, I don’t know which one. It was one of the piers.”

“That was what, 5, 7 miles?”

“Pro’ly.”

“Okay, so, exercise for sure doesn’t work. Conversation doesn’t work. I think I need to do something drastic. Are you up for something drastic?”

“I’m pretty much up for anything.”

“What if I tell you what you need to do, will you do it?”

“Okay.”

“You up for that, for me to control what you do?”

“I think, yeah.”

“You want me to control you, to be in control of you?”

Her eyelids slowly sank shut as her breath shuddered in, hoping this would work.

“You like it when I control you, don’t you?”

She took an even deeper breath and nodded. It still looked like she was barely holding herself together. Chris knew he had to start immediately.

“No, you know my rule, Jules.”

He saw the effect his stern tone had on her and it made him smile.

“Yes, I like it when you control me.”

“You know you need to open your gorgeous eyes and look at me. You can’t get that shit out of your head without help, can you?”

“No, I can’t. I need you.”

“I know, baby. How do you want me to do this?”

“I…”

He knew she wanted him to say it; she wanted to be relieved of that burden, but he wasn’t going to let her get away with that. Not this time.

“I’m not guessing. I don’t want to get it wrong; this is too important. I need you to tell me. How?”

“I…”

He watched as Jules squeezed her eyes shut again.

“Have you ever asked for this before?”

“Kind of, in San Diego.”

“You didn’t really say the words, though, did you? I said them, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, I think you did.”

“Why is it hard for you to say the words?”

“I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“You.”

“Of me? Why are you afraid of me? Do I scare you?”

Jules heard his surprise and realize how he took what she said. She had to make him understand.

“No, I’m sorry, you don’t scare me. I know you wouldn’t hurt me. I’m afraid you’ll judge me.”

“You’re back in your head, aren’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Have I judged you up to now?”

“Well… not really.”

“’Not really’ sounds like you think I have. I don’t think I have. Remember, when you asked for something that you really wanted and it was hard for you to say the words in San Diego? Did I judge you then?”

“No.”

“No, I didn’t. Neither did Henry.”

“No, you’re right, he didn’t either.”

“I won’t judge you now. You’re safe with me. Please, tell me what you want.”

He waited for her to speak. He was patient. He knew this was hard for her; hell, she’d just told him she was afraid.

“I need you to control me.”

“That’s right, you need me to control you, but how?”

“I…”

“Come on, baby, how?”

“What’s in my head. I think you need to make me think about something else. Overwhelm me with something else, anything else. Just, please, don’t let me back into my head.”

Chris silently exhaled when he realized that she did trust him.

“Does it matter how I do that?”

“Well, um, nothing painful. Just don’t hurt me, don’t hurt my feelings.”

“I couldn’t hurt you. But anything else is okay?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head as his hands found the warm skin at her waist, murmuring “no, no hurting. Is this okay?”

Startled, Jules lowered her head when she realized just how infrequently they’d touched each other in the last 24 hours. She’d wasted so much time with her stupid thoughts.

Chris felt her whole body shaking as he ducked down to see what the problem was. Her eyes had already closed. He knew he needed to take it slowly, testing the waters along the way.

“Mmmhmm.”

“You can do better than that, Jules. Open your eyes, look at me baby.” It took her a minute or so. “There’s my beautiful girl. Now, is this okay?”

“Yes.”

Chris had Jules get off his lap and moved her back a few steps. He got up to lead her into the living room.

“Chris?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I… I’m so sorry. I was so mean, so awful to you earlier. Why are you helping me? Why are you being nice to me?”

Chris took a few moments and thought, wondering why she wasn’t getting past this. Was she just that stubborn? Could he deal with that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of Jules' birthday


	11. Chapter 11

Chris thought, long and hard, about how she wasn’t able to let go of what had been said to her, wondering, and then a though hit him and he was able to shove all that away. He couldn’t expect her to just say ‘okay’ and get on with the rest of her life. Not when this woman, _her mother_ , had been in her head for decades. When that thought crossed his mind, he became infinitely more patient and he was finally able to answer her.

“Knowing what you know now, would you say the same things to me?”

“God, no! Of course not!”

“There you go.”

“Chris, I-”

“I’ve accepted your apology, I’ve told you that I’m here for you. Why don’t you believe me?”

“No one else has ever stuck by me. I don’t blame them. How could I?”

“You know… I’m not everyone else, I’m Chris.”

Jules huffed a laugh, surprising him.

“What’s so funny?”

“Henry said almost the same thing.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Jules had stopped laughing and was more and more pensive as she continued. “I think he said ‘I’m not people, I’m Henry’. Wow, I really do that, don’t I?”

“Do what?”

“You have both been nothing but supportive, and all I do is think the absolute worst and compare you to the awful people who have been in my life. Who does that? I am so sorry.”

“Okay, you remember how you said that I should take you at your word that you’d forgiven me for basically abandoning you?”

“Well, you didn’t abandon me, but yeah.”

For a woman who normally saw connections in circumstances, Chris saw that she was really missing all the obvious clues.

“I think I deserve the same consideration. You should take me at my word.”

It took a moment. It was apparent when she understood him as she turned from him and her head was in her hands once again.

“I am such a hypocrite.”

“You know what you are?” Chris needed a connection to Jules. He needed her to know he was there for her, someone she could lean on. His arms circled her waist and he put his chin on her shoulder, speaking softly into her ear. “You’re human and you’ve been alone for a long time and you didn’t think good things about yourself because the people who were in your life, those who were supposed to love you and protect you and take care of you didn’t. You didn’t think you deserved any better so you ended up with others around you who treated you the exact same way, didn’t you? But you don’t have that with me. Or Henry. We both saw the real you. We both thought you were worth getting to know. And you know what? We were right. This is all new for you. It’ll take you time, but I bet you’ll come around. Now, are you ready?”

“Can I get you to kiss me before you have me do whatever?”

“I’m happy to kiss you. There will be lots of kissing. It’s very much part of what we’ll be doing for hopefully the rest of the day. Now, follow me.”

Chris took her hand and walked to the living room. He almost had her sit on the sofa and then promptly changed his mind.

“You know, I’ve got a better idea. Hold on.”

After stoking and adding wood to the fire, Chris moved the coffee table and repositioned the sofa directly in front. He held his hand out to Jules and they sat, side by side.

“I don’t want you to say anything. All I want for you to do is look at the fire and breathe. Concentrate on the flames and pay attention to how the logs burn. Watch it dance, and clear your mind.”

Jules turned to the fire and tried to do as he’d asked. She really did. The problem, though, was that her mother, even after all this time, still had a firm hold of her self-esteem and wasn’t planning on letting go anytime soon. When she settled and took a deep breath and began watching the fire, her mother’s voice spoke up, teasing her, telling her nasty things. When she couldn’t banish the thoughts on her own, Jules closed her eyes, trying to will her mother away. Unfortunately, she only got louder.

Anyone would have seen the struggle she was undergoing. Knowing what that struggle was about, though, broke Chris’s heart. Rather than trying to talk to her, he took her hand and held it. When nothing changed, and in fact her brow furrowed even more, he knew she needed more.

“Jules, honey, what’s going on? You look like you’re in pain. What can I do?”

“You can get my mother out of my head. But good luck with that.”

“What’s she saying to you?”

For about 30 seconds, Jules had a debate as to whether or not to talk to Chris about what was going on, what the thoughts were that were raging in her head. She was afraid of telling him too much, of scaring him off. She decided that she needed to chance it. Better she know now if he was going to leave her like everyone else.

“She’s saying that this is all temporary. You’ll leave, Henry, too. That any of the few fans I have are going to turn on me when they finish the series. That White is awful. That the whole series sucks.”

“Wow, okay. Well, no wonder you’re having some trouble. You know that first part’s not true. I’m not leaving and although I won’t speak for Henry, I’d be surprised if he did. Right?”

“Yeah.”

He’d take that one small word as a victory, even as unconvinced as she’d sounded. He continued.

“Is she using ‘few’?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is she saying that you only have a ‘few fans’?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, we know that’s not true. In fact, you found that out to be completely false. Right?”

“It feels true, though.”

“It probably feels that way since that’s what you’ve always thought. But you know that’s not true.”

“I know what I’ve been told but… it’s still hard to wrap my head around this. I mean, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are they reading them?”

“You’ve got good characters. And I don’t mean good as in right from wrong. They’re human and they’re flawed and they have ups and downs but they always try to do what’s right, at least from their perspective. And sure, each book stands on its own, but when you take them all together, it’s their life. It’s how they meet and become friends and partners and fall in love and get married and plan for a family and how that marriage comes to an end.”

“You see all that?”

“Not just me. Look, I know you don’t read reviews and trust me, I get that. From what I’ve read? The general consensus is that everyone thinks it’s a great series. It doesn’t suck. In fact, it’s the opposite of suck. I guess that means it blows.”

He was gratified to see the smile on her face, even if it was short-lived.

“Chris?”

“Yes?”

“How do I get her to shut up?”

“Why don’t you let me give it a try, okay?”

When nothing happened, Jules glanced up and recognized that Chris wanted her to speak. It was funny, but she calmed when it hit her. His expectations gave her the permission to speak her desires, something she’d always had trouble doing.

“Yes, please Chris. I would like that.”

He smiled as he took her hand and tugged on it, letting her know he wanted her to move. He guided her to his lap, her knees next to his hips. His plan would be much easier face to face. His fingers traveled up her neck, up to her cheeks. With only the barest exertion of pressure was he able to get her to move.

“The one condition I have: you are not allowed to argue with anything that I tell you or with any way I describe you. There will be nothing negative, nothing derogatory. Will you agree to that?”

She knew this was going to be hard to do, hard to hear, but she knew he had her best interest at heart.

“Yes, I can agree to that.”

“In fact, I don’t want you to say anything.”

He pulled her to him and they kissed. She knew it was going to be special when it was like earlier, when he was making the point about it not being something casual. She got lost in that kiss, in him.

Chris was deliberate in his touch. His fingers knew exactly where they needed to be to get her to make any number of sounds. His lips knew how soft they had to be in order to get her to practically levitate, or how firm they needed to be to get her back to bow. His tongue knew how to soothe the marks he left with his teeth.

But none of those were the most profound way he touched her.

He spoke the most beautiful words. And he was gentle with her. He didn’t try to overwhelm her with praise. Instead, he eased her into it. He started with a few words about her generosity, continued with her vast intellect, and rounded it all out with the eloquence of her prose. He didn’t heap the praise on her all at once. He interspersed it with what his fingers and his teeth and his tongue were doing.

He didn’t overwhelm her with either his words or his touch.

He overwhelmed her with both.

He somehow knew when she was ready to hear something good about herself. He started when he was kissing her chin, her jaw, her neck.

“Think about all you do for literacy, behind the scenes, not seeking praise or recognition. If that’s not true generosity, I don’t know what is.”

He felt her open her mouth and rather than tell her to stop, he moved his hand, the tip of his finger playing with her lips. Her head first shifted into him, just the slightest pressure before she tilted away from him, exposing her neck.

“That’s my good girl.”

He felt her grip tighten on his shoulder.

“You like that? Me letting you know you’re a good girl?”

He didn’t understand why, but she paused before nodding. He filed that away and went back to kissing her neck. He liked that he didn’t have to grab hold of her hair to get her to move where he wanted her. He didn’t have to get rough. A slight touch, gentle pressure was all he needed. She bent to his will.

“I don’t know if you realize just how smart you have to be to get everything as right as you do. You’ve got amazing ideas, and not just about your books. And you’ve shown me things I didn’t understand until you explained them.”

He could see she wanted to argue with him, that she wanted to tell him he was wrong. She caught him watching her and smiled, not saying a word.

“You like being my good girl, don’t you?”

Her almost frantic nod had him doing what he could to calm her down. He slowed his touch, taking one of her hands in his and weaving their fingers; that seemed to ease her, if only for a moment. When the fleshy pad of his thumb swept across her lips, she couldn’t help the sound that escaped. His finger under her chin was all it took for her to know she needed to follow his lead.

“I want you to get up.” When he saw her brow furrow, Chris continued. “It’s okay. I want you to turn around, sit back down.” He patted his thighs when she stood, “here.”

Jules took her time and settled back on his lap, He began worshipping her body in the way he’d wanted to with it being their last day at her home, in the way she deserved.

He unbuttoned her blouse and pulled it back and down, but not off. He wanted to restrict her movement, but not immobilize her. Combing his fingers up her scalp and through her hair, he moved the silky waves to the side to give him unfettered access.

Soft kisses along the back of her shoulder had her slumping back and cutting his trek short, her head resting against his shoulder, twisting away from him.

“Look at me.” When she didn’t move fast enough, he wrapped his hand around her head and gently pushed, guiding her to look at him.

“What I’m about to tell you, what you’re going to agree with, is complicated because of Henry. Just for now, Henry doesn’t exist. Can you agree to that?”

She nodded, still following his request not to speak.

“No, honey, I need you to tell me.”

Jules struggled to touch him. She wanted to caress his face, but the blouse around her elbows restricted her movement.

“If that’s what you need, of course. Henry doesn’t exist.”

“God, I love your mouth. Give it to me.”

She reached up and he kissed her, both moaning. Like any number of times before, he cut the kiss short, a thought having popped into his head.

“You like it when I call you my good girl, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Jules decided to try something. It was a side of her that she had never explored with anyone. There had been hints during their time together that this was something that Chris liked.

“Because I’m yours, all yours.”

“Say that again.”

“I am yours.”

“Yes, you are.” Chris held her head in place, eyes roaming her face. “You are mine, aren’t you?” He sounded like he didn’t believe her, that he needed reassurance. Jules was happy to provide it.

“I’m yours. Let me prove it to you.”

“How?”

“Make love to me, Chris.”

Jules was glad Chris didn’t make her wait any longer.

Chris’s kiss was at once passionate and intimate and powerful. She didn’t hold anything back, she didn’t try to change anything he did, and she didn’t struggle against him. He had been so incredibly patient with her that she wanted to give this to him so he knew how much she appreciated what he’d done, and how quickly she was falling-

His hand on her breast, teasing her nipple cut through all the clutter in her brain and made her focus. It was only a soft tug that found her undulating and grinding against him. She was struggling against the blouse holding her arms in place. When he pulled the straps of her bra down and his warm hand closed over her, she couldn’t stay quiet any longer.

“Chris, please.”

“What do you need?”

“I need to move. Please, let me take off my blouse.”

“No, I like you like this.”

“I want to feel you, Chris.”

He put both hands on her, kneading her flesh, rolling and pinching her nipples. She thrust into him when she arched her back. His licked the back of her lobe before tugging on it with his teeth. Her outcry sounded like she was singing for him. He did it again and her voice shot up.

“You sure you can’t feel me?”

She worked her hand between them, sweeping down his abs, past his waist, finding his hardened length. She couldn’t stroke him, not with how they were positioned, but she could massage him. He widened his legs.

“Lower.”

When she did as asked, she was rewarded with a particularly hard pinch that had her squirming before one of his hands moved to her core.

“Spread your legs for me.”

She used his legs to help her get into a familiar position. She worked her second hand behind her and continued to massage him as his strong hands played with her. It wasn’t long before Chris needed more.

“Get up. I need you to get naked.”

It was hard for Jules to get up, as twisted as her blouse and bra were around her arms. She finally managed and Chris had something else he wanted.

“Wait, before you do anything, turn around.”

His mouth latched onto the nearest tit, sucking and biting on one while his fingers deftly worked the other. He caught her as her knees gave way, holding her in place. Chris continued lavishing attention, first on one breast then the other. After she got her feet back under her, Jules took the opportunity to finally get rid of her blouse and bra and when freed, she ran her fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp, tugging on his hair and pulling him to her. She loved the feel of the vibrations from his groan as they ran through her. Just before he let go, he grabbed her nipple with his teeth and tugged, hard. He loved making her cry out.

“Why don’t you go grab a condom while I get rid of these pants.”

She shucked her remaining clothes in the bedroom and came back with condoms. By the time she got back, Chris was seated on the sofa, mindlessly stroking at his erection. Jules dropped to her knees in front of him, intent on taking him in her mouth.

“No, not now. Later. I need inside you.”

“What, my mouth isn’t inside me?”

“Smart ass! I need your pussy. I need to be buried completely in you.” She handed the condoms over and tried to straddle him.

“This isn’t gonna be enough. Get on the floor, on your hands and knees.” When she was in position, Chris got on his knees behind her and ran the tip of his finger up her swollen lips. She jerked away at his teasing touch and he grabbed at her hips, tugging her back.

“Just for that, you’re not allowed to come yet.”

“Chris!”

“Do you want me to deny you for longer?”

“No!”

“Then be my good girl and use the fireplace and brace yourself.”

She wasn’t in position for even a second before Chris sunk into her, both of them groaning as he filled her.

“Do you want me to draw this out? Go nice and slow? Or do you want me to fuck you hard?”

“Oh, draw this out, please?”

He slapped her ass. She squealed and her body jerked.

“Wrong answer. Try again.”

“Um, okay, then fuck me hard. That’s good, too.”

He slapped her ass again. Even though she was prepared for the possibility, she still squealed and jerked.

“Wrong answer. Try one more time.”

It took Jules longer than expected to understand, but when she did, Chris felt her release the last of her tension.

“Whatever you want, Chris.”

“There she is, there’s my good girl.”

Chris set a slow and steady pace, knowing it would take time for her body to be ready to succumb. He ran his hands over her, caressing her as he plunged into her. He played with her, toyed with her, not burying himself in her the way he knew she liked. There were a few times he even pulled all the way out and waited for her to beg him to start again. After a while, he reached down and pressed between her shoulders and she followed his direction, keeping her hands braced against the hearth as she lay her head on the floor. He angled his hips to stroke her g-spot and he felt her start to quiver as her sounds edged up an octave. She met his pace, using the hearth to shove back onto him, the wet slap of their bodies filling the air.

“Don’t come yet, baby.”

He reached around and found her, swollen, drenched, and sensitive. He ran a finger over her and she cried out.

“Please let me come!”

“Not yet. Come on, baby, hold on. Don’t come yet. You know you can.” He was merciless, sweet talking, encouraging her to hold out while he massaged and pinched her clit, knowing he was making it so hard for her to follow his directions.

“Chris! Please let me come!”

“Get up on your hands, baby.”

Not wanting to give him a reason to deny her any longer, Jules quickly got up on her hands. Chris bent over, snaking one arm up, across her body and between her tits to grab her shoulder, giving himself leverage. He kept his pace steady.

“Turn your head towards me.”

He bit and suckled on her lobe. He knew she was caught on the ledge of the abyss, desperately holding onto him until he let her fall in. He slowed his movements and smiled when he heard her frustration.

“Do you think you’re ready?”

“Yes, oh god yes. Please let me come, Chris!”

He picked up his pace and it was only when he felt her body flood him that he gave his permission, flicking his nail over her sensitive nub.

He increased his pace when he felt her body pulse around him and as she screamed through her orgasm. He was relentless, not letting her come down, pushing her over the edge again. And again. He held onto her with both hands as he desperately fought his own release.

“Jules, come for me baby, one more. Come on, come with me.” He bit her shoulder as his hips stuttered and he faltered, his body wanting its own bliss. His fingers sought her clit one last time and that was all it took for her to give him what he wanted, her hoarse whine and pussy clamping down on him, sending him over.

They collapsed into a heap on the floor, gasping for air as their bodies began to come down. Jules was the first to come to her senses and kissed Chris.

“Oh my god, Chris, that was… wow.”

“Yeah, it was. That’s what being my good girl gets you.”

“If that’s what it gets me, I will always be your good girl.”

Chris chuckled through their kiss. Once sufficiently recovered, they got up. They were both exhausted and sweaty, but didn’t care. They collapsed onto the sofa, legs in a tangle. Jules grabbed the throw from the back of the sofa and put it over them. She knew they’d get cold once their bodies calmed.

“Oh, last thing.”

Jules wondered what Chris had up his sleeve. She wasn’t prepared for what came next.

“Do you want to know why it is that I love your books? Once you understand that the real story is the three of them, you see how intricate everything is. It’s masterful how you’ve done it. Pull one thread and the whole thing unravels.”

He was prepared for her to speak up, but she didn’t even try. When he felt movement he glanced down and saw tears streaming down her face as she tried to get away. He didn’t want to give her the chance to fight his words, so he didn’t ask what the cause was. He had several ideas and it could have been any number of them. Instead, he helped her to wipe them and brought her back to the circle of his arms, holding her close. They lay like that, silent, wrapped in each other, for a while.

>< 

Jules was almost back to her old self and for that, Chris was grateful. There was some remaining trepidation about the upcoming tour, and it was understandable.

They had just sat down to dinner and were chatting about nothing in particular when something that had been on her mind decided to revisit.

“Chris?”

“Yes, Jules?”

It took her longer than Chris expected for her to continue.

“I completely understand if the answer is no, so absolutely no pressure at all, okay?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“Would you maybe possibly consider meeting me when I come to Boston?”

He gave her hand a squeeze as he responded, “I would love to see you when you’re in Boston. Wherever, whenever. If you want me there, I’m there.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose…”

“That’s not imposing. I was hoping you’d want to see me, I was going to ask you tomorrow. Just tell me where and when and I’ll be there. How long are you there for?”

“I get in next Wednesday evening, I think from DC. I’ve got Thursday and Friday there, I leave late Friday for New York.”

“Where are you staying in New York?”

“It’s a boutique hotel. I can’t remember the name of it. I’ll send you my itinerary.”

“Cool. Now, for when you’re in Boston? I have just the place. Out of the way, nice and quiet. We won’t be bothered there. Thursday night?”

“Are you sure we wouldn’t be spotted? I don’t want that complication.”

“If you’d rather, I could get some take out and we could eat in your room.”

“That would be great.”

“What about Wednesday?”

“I think I get in at, like, 8 or something? Probably won’t get to the hotel until 9? Maybe 9:30?”

“I’m sure you’ll be tired, but I’d love to see you any time you’re free. Maybe we could meet up for drinks? A weeknight in the hotel bar should be pretty quiet.”

“You mean, I haven’t scared you off?”

“No. You most definitely haven’t scared me off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part to Jules' birthday


	12. Chapter 12

For the very first time, Jules kind of enjoyed her book tour.

She’d had this bombshell dropped on her that completely rocked her world and opened her eyes to something that she’d never thought possible and she didn’t know how to handle it. She was suddenly aware of the number of people who were coming out to see her. She was aware of the push and pressure by her publisher to get to as many cities as she could, for as many days as she would allow. Things started to make sense. She felt ridiculous and  _idiotic and stupid but wait, I’m not allowed to use those words_  for never having seen it before and started wondering what her life would have been like if she’d followed their advice all along.  _Oh well, water under the bridge_.

She made it to Boston in one piece, having spent time in Chicago, Atlanta, and DC. She was able to meet Chris for drinks on Wednesday and they decided to have dinner in her room Thursday when a blurry photo of him and the back of “some woman’s” head made it online and everyone went nuts. Since she wasn’t a familiar face, and they didn’t get a shot of hers, no one connected them. She called Henry from the car between signings the next day, and reassured him that it was a fluke. She promised she’d be more careful. It wasn’t fair to him to have something like that happen and she apologized several times. He kept trying to tell her it was okay, but she couldn’t hear him. Things were still jumbled in her head.

Seattle was where she had her craziest fan encounter. The woman showed up at all of her signings and kept pestering her wanting to know who her inspiration was for each of her characters. Jules could tell she was in love with Karl and felt for her. It was fans like her that made her reconsider how she was ending the series.

At the end of her trip, she backtracked to New York to meet with her team. She sat with Georgia and Margo together and then separately. They had a long conversation about what she’d learned and about what they’d done for her over the past many years. She let them know she was going to be taking more of an interest in what they were doing, but it wasn’t that she didn’t trust them. In fact, she trusted them implicitly: they’d gone well above and beyond what she could have ever hoped for.

The women in her life were happy to hear that she’d had her eyes opened, but were concerned when she wouldn’t tell them how she’d come to the understanding she now had. She didn’t feel like she could tell them anything without breaking the agreement she’d forced upon Chris and Henry. She’d been enough of a hypocrite already and wasn’t about to be one consciously. They finally let it drop, but decided, on their own, to do some digging. She’d brought out the mother in both of them when she’d hired them all those years ago and their protective nature was even stronger now. Someone had obviously clued her in and they were concerned for their client and their friend.

She started her one-on-one meetings with Georgia, her business manager and her best friend. They talked about everything that had been done for her over the years and Jules realized just how lucky she’d been. Georgia told her how she’d invested for her and went over everything in painstaking detail. She had kept copious notes on every transaction and the reason for each. She prided herself on her thoroughness and it was paying off. Jules’ head was spinning by the time they were done.

Now that she understood her financial situation, they had a long chat about what her goals were. Jules didn’t actually know, but Georgia had always found that people, when pressed with little time for thought, would express interest in those things that were fundamental to their happiness. Jules talked about two things: literacy and experiencing more of the world. They discussed some things and she left pondering the ideas Georgia had outlined as possibilities and Jules started formulating a short-term plan.

When she sat with Margo, Jules told her how the series was coming to an end. Margo was more than thrilled that the series was wrapped, and was stunned to learn of the conclusion. She admired Jules for her gutsy move.

Jules had one thing on her mind: the negotiations. Margo was glad she’d stuck to her guns. She was glad she was holding out for what Jules had said all along that she wanted if anyone ever approached her wanting the rights. It was even more imperative now. There were a couple of sticking points for both sides and they were trying to find compromises that both would agree upon. They’d gone much further with this company than any other. Jules asked her who from Promethean was involved in the conversations and when Margo only mentioned Charlie, Jules wondered what role Henry was playing, if any. She didn’t voice the question, but Margo could tell something was up.

They talked about what her plans were for her writing, and how she already had an idea for another series that she was mulling over. The idea had popped into her head one morning while she was showering and Jules knew she had something. She was letting it percolate, but the idea was coalescing quickly. She was pretty sure that by January, she’d be writing again.

She left New York and headed back home both with her brain crammed full of information and a fresh perspective on her life.

Jules spent a grand total of 77 hours at home after she finally made it back. Yes, she was jet-lagged from all the cross-country travels. Yes, she’d had issues with sleeping, whether in any of the hotels or on the plane, the only exception being when Chris spent time with her in Boston or when he’d surprised her on her last trip to New York. When she got to her room and saw the abundance of flowers that progressed, in the color order of her books from yellow all the way through to white and the card, she’d called Chris. They were chatting for a while and it was when she finally told him that she missed him and would love to see him that there was a knock on the door and yes, he was there. She extended her stay and they spent a couple of days and nights together before he had to leave.

Jules was still having a tough time coming to terms with everything she’d learned. She realized that she needed to take time and really think about what she wanted. She suddenly had freedom to move to pretty much anywhere she wanted. Did she want to stay in Los Angeles and if so, should she get a new house? New York might be fun. Or someplace in Europe. When that thought hit, she shut down; she was overloaded with things to consider.

Towards the end of her second day, she started to feel boxed in and didn’t understand what was going on. She loved her house. All at once it felt both cramped and entirely too big. She felt incredibly alone. She needed something different, but didn’t know what.

She sat down and did some free association and, at the end of the two hours of writing, came to the conclusion that she needed to get out of Los Angeles. Really, she needed to get out of the States. A couple hours later, she had a place to stay and a ticket to Paris. She hoped that a change of scenery would do the trick.

Jules wasn’t expecting either Henry or Chris to surprise her, but just in case she updated her calendar to show she was going to be out of town. She was only going to be gone for a couple of weeks, but still. She had to keep up her end of keeping them informed.

The next day, when she was in her seat on the plane, she sent a message to both of them.

_3:09pm: Have to get out of town to think. On a plane for Paris. Will be there for a few weeks. J_

She shouldn’t have been surprised with the quickness of their responses.

_3:10pm: Are you busy the whole time, or might you have some free time for a visitor? H  
3:12pm: Everything okay? C_

She responded to Henry, letting him know that she’d love to see him if he had some free time. She let Chris know that all was fine and she’d fill him in a bit later. She turned off all electronics before the flight and curled up in the seat. She watched movies and slept and was completely discombobulated by the time she got to her hotel room, not having any idea as to the time. It took her a couple of days to get acclimated and once she was, she started exploring.

It was a few days after that that Henry showed up unannounced. He’d decided to surprise her and was himself surprised when she wasn’t in her room first thing in the morning. She’d developed a habit of walking around the city in the morning, being sure to stop off at a boulangerie for coffee and a croissant, taking her time and meandering back to the hotel. She wasn’t paying attention to the gathering of people taking photos and Henry almost missed her. He ducked into the elevator just as it was about to close. Jules didn’t look up to see who had joined her, instead staying in her own world. When the doors closed and they were alone, Henry took matters into his own hands.

“You are going to make me think that you’re not happy to see me.”

Jules squealed and flung herself into Henry’s arms, latching on tightly to him. She was quickly laughing through happy tears and not paying any attention when the elevator stopped. Henry picked her up and stepped off the elevator.

“Room?”

“822.”

When they were finally ensconced in her room, Henry tried to put her down, but she’d wound her arms around his neck and wouldn’t let go.

“Jules?”

“Mmm?”

“You can let go now.”

She buried her head in the crook of his neck, taking in the smell she’d come to know so well.

“I don’t want to.”

“Well, I know it’s only been a few weeks, but I’ve missed you and I’d like to kiss you, if you don’t mind.”

Jules hummed her approval but still didn’t let go. Then Henry had an idea. He backed her to the wall and felt her go limp when their bodies were flush against each other. He was finally able to kiss her. He shivered and moaned when her nails scratched at the back of his head and neck and he rewarded her by biting on her lower lip.

When they were catching their breath, Jules had a question.

“How long do I get you?”

Henry grinned as he boosted her a little and she took the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist.

“As long as you want me.” He went back to kissing her neck and jaw.

“No, silly, I mean, how long are you here?”

“Tomorrow, just after noon. I wish I could stay longer, but this was all I could arrange.”

“I’d be happy to see you even it if was just for a few hours.”

His grin returned as he stopped and regarded her.

“You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, Henry. I’ll always take as much or as little time as I can get with you. And I have to say, I’m liking being this close to you if you can fly in with almost no notice.”

“Just imagine what would happen if we both lived in the same city.”

Her laughter warmed his heart. He hadn’t heard her laugh like that in a while.

“You are just bound and determined to sell me on London for next summer, aren’t you?”

“Is it working?”

Jules answered with her own grin.

“It might be.”

>< 

It was just past twilight and they were both finally content to simply be in each other’s arms. They’d spent the day indoors and had avoided the heavy conversations that were weighing on both their minds while the sun was out. Once it set, though, and darkness descended, Jules felt like she could talk about what she’d discovered, or really, what Chris had helped her realize. She felt a bit like a child confessing something unsavory to a parent. It was difficult, but she knew she had to do it. She did what she could to keep herself focused. 

Henry was quiet and supportive, not interrupting her with the loads of questions he had. That she’d brought it up without him having to prompt for it was something that gave him hope. He knew this was hard for her and her willingness to talk was a good sign.

It took her a while, but she spoke at a pace that was sometimes halting and sometimes rushed. When she started, she was sitting cross-legged, fingering the sheets and blankets and talking to Henry, looking him in the eye when she could, which was most of the time. It was when her tears started to fall that she stopped being able to maintain that connection, instead laying down next to him and wiping at her tears. She tried to turn away but he wouldn’t let her. He wanted her to know she was safe confiding in him, telling him difficult, next to impossible crap that she’d been both hiding from and dealing with on her own for entirely too long. Initially it was Jules wiping her tears away. When Henry took over she finally relaxed and put her arm around him.

She finished her story. She’d left nothing out, including how she’d tried to push Chris away when all he’d wanted to do was help.

Henry had concerns. The fact that she’d been so trusting of other people with her finances, her contracts, with everything was surprising. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t want to push too hard. This was all incredibly new and overwhelming and she was obviously still processing what had happened, how her mother had treated her, and that her basic beliefs about herself were unfounded.

Jules couldn’t resist, though. Henry had been entirely too quiet.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“No comments? No questions? Nothing?”

“Darling, I have lots of comments and questions, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. This is all pretty new. It must be tough, to learn all this.”

“Tough isn’t even the half of it. I have, Jesus, I have real options now that I’ve never even considered in the realm of possibilities before. I’m not stuck in that house. I can afford to live anywhere. I can live anywhere.” She said that last part as if she was just realizing it for the first time rather than the hundredth.

It didn’t surprise Henry that she was still shying away from the tough stuff. Her parents had slapped her around, if only metaphorically, and she was still hiding from what that meant. She’d been brave, telling him everything. He decided that on this trip he wouldn’t ask the tough questions.

“Are you thinking about moving?”

“Maybe, possibly, I don’t know. There’s just too much.”

“What do you mean, ‘too much’?”

“Well, I have this series that’s coming to an end. About a year from now this trio will be done.”

“Are you going to tell me how it ends?”

“I’d be happier if you read it, but I know you haven’t read the others.”

“I’m halfway through Amber.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since the flight this morning.”

“Last time I saw you, you hadn’t read any of them.”

“True, but then Lloyd decided that he’d try to score points with Charlie and see if he could get you to come down in your asking price, back off some of your demands. He made sure it got back to you that he thought Black was juvenile. He hadn’t even read it.”

Jules felt like the wind had been knocked out of her lungs.

“He did that to me? On purpose?”

“I can’t even tell you how sorry I am. When Charlie found out, well, let’s just say that Lloyd isn’t working with us anymore.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that trouble for me.”

“I’m not. That’s not how we do business. I wished I could have called you as soon as I found out and told you that he was completely wrong, but I hadn’t read them so I couldn’t and Charlie wanted to but didn’t have your number and I couldn’t give it to him. I couldn’t have explained how I had your number. I was a couple chapters into Yellow and had set it aside so I could concentrate on the film. I picked it right back up and haven’t been able to put them down. It’s good stuff, Jules.”

“Wow. Well, when you get done with Black, let me know. I’ll send you an advance of Grey and once you’re done with that White, in whatever stage it’s in. You know, Chris gave me the courage to show it to anyone sooner than I normally would. I know you. I don’t know Charlie so I’m less comfortable sending him advanced copies of anything.”

“I trust him Jules.”

She sighed before answering him.

“If you want to share them with him, you’re welcome to. You’ll understand after you read White why I have to say you can’t talk about it with anyone else, or with each other in any public location. You’ll understand when you read it.”

“If that’s what you need, you have my word.”

“Okay, so I need you to be honest with me. What do you think about them?”

“What, you weren’t listening to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just said, I haven’t been able to put them down. They’re good. I can see why Charlie’s so keen on getting the rights. It’s really good stuff.”

“You think so? I mean, that’s what you really think?”

“Yeah, I do. I know Charlie’s wanting me to play Karl, but I’m not sure. I’m kinda liking Theo.”

Jules couldn’t resist the easy tease.

“Naturally, you’d gravitate to the exceedingly handsome playboy.”

Henry chuckled as Jules laughed.

“I’m not the playboy type. You should know that.”

“Why would I know that?”

“Jules, I haven’t been seeing anyone but you since San Diego.”

It felt like her heart was slamming against her ribs, trying to escape. She had to cover.

“That’s nothing. You’ve been working the whole time. You haven’t had time to meet anyone else.”

“Darling, it’s not like I’ve been living in a box. Trust me, there have been more than a fair number of women who’ve approached me.”

“Did you think that would make me feel better?”

“I’m going to be honest with you. I have a lot of women who approach me. When I’m with a woman, I’m with her and no one else. It doesn’t mean that I become a hermit, but nothing will ever happen. You have my word.”

“I don’t need that, Henry, you can see other women.”

She hated uttering those words, but she had to. She couldn’t ask either Henry or Chris for anything exclusive, not when she was seeing both of them.

“But I don’t want to.”

“I can’t give you that. I mean Chris-”

“Jules, I’m not asking for that. I’m not asking you to stop seeing Chris, and I’m not asking for you not to see anyone else. All I want is for you to know this isn’t just some fling for me. I don’t know what it is, but it is most definitely not a fling.”

Jules had not been prepared for Henry’s declaration. Much like when Chris said just about the same thing, hearing the words filled her heart, and then a thought hit her. _How awful am I being to these men? Who does this?_

Henry nudged Jules onto her back. It didn’t matter that the room was dark, Jules’ eyes shone in the ambient light.

“I… I…”

He wanted to say something, but wouldn’t or couldn’t complete the thought.

_Oh, god, how can I be doing this to him?_

“Henry?”

Rather than tell her, she felt him pour everything he was feeling into holding and kissing her. Jules was overwhelmed with what was going on inside of Henry, and his intensity even frightened her, until she surrendered herself to it and to him. Then it gave her warmth and comfort. She felt safe and secure. All of her apprehension was gone. She knew what he was avoiding telling her.

>< 

Henry wanted to take her out, go for a stroll and experience the romance of the city of lights with her. They made it all the way down to the lobby of the hotel before Henry was recognized. Jules had been walking several steps ahead of him, having come off the elevator first, when she heard the recognition. She panicked. She hurried and made it outside only to look back in and see that several people had blocked Henry’s path. She knew she needed to give him whatever time he needed with his fans.

He’d obviously cut the signatures short and made his way outside when it was only a couple of minutes later. He offered his arm to Jules and she glanced around. No one was paying attention so she took it. They meandered through the streets, listening to the report of Jules’ boots on the pavement and cobblestones (depending on where they were) and talked of everything and nothing. They wound up on one of the bridges overlooking the Seine, for how could you not. Jules stood in Henry’s arms and they watched the lights play over the tiny ripples in the river. They could have each stood there for the rest of the evening, just like that, and been perfectly content.

Except, Jules was cold. Henry certainly was big and warm, but the breeze was a bit much for her. She finally turned around, still in his arms, and hugged him close, wanting him and also wanting his heat. When he tried to tilt her head back for a kiss, she giggled and held him closer.

“Cold.”

“I see how it is. You only like me for my body heat.”

He felt her shaking with silent laughter before she answered him.

“You got that right.”

It took a few minutes of Jules holding him close for her to warm up. She finally tilted her head to him and he turned away.

“You have injured my pride, woman. I don’t think I can kiss you.”

She enticed him with her “please”, but he turned his head farther. He tried to hide his smile, but his cheeks got all round and his dimples showed themselves. She implored him with her “pretty please”. He side-eyed her and spied her pouty lip as she batted her eyelashes. His bark of a laugh echoed as he gave in.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to resist you.”

Jules marveled over how easy it was for him to kiss the breath right out of her. She was glad when he finally allowed her some air.

“Why would you want to resist me?”

“I don’t.”

“Good. Then please, take me back to our room.”

>< 

It was the middle of the night and they were still awake, doing whatever they could to stave off sleep. They wanted as much time with each other as they could possibly wring from his visit.

“How long are you here in Paris?”

“This trip? To the middle of next week. I was thinking on the way back to the hotel of maybe coming back for Christmas. Or maybe New York for Christmas.”

“What about London for Christmas?”

Jules couldn’t help but grin at the thought of London for Christmas. She’d always heard it was a sight to behold. Also, _Henry wanted her there!_ She felt like she was on the apex of a rollercoaster ride, getting ready for the thrill of the downward slope.

Her mind sobered, though, at the thought of _Christmas_.

“That’s sweet, but I don’t think I should do London, just like I shouldn’t do Boston, either. I don’t want it to look like I’m playing favorites. I can’t do that to either of you.”

Henry wasn’t giving up quite so easily.

“What if he said it was okay?”

“I’m not going to ask him for that.”

“What if I did?”

“Henry-”

“Jules, do you think it would hurt for me to ask him? You’ll have lots of time with him both before and after New Year’s.”

“Christmas is a  _family_ holiday. I can’t split family holidays between you. What, Christmas with you and Easter with him? These are days you spend with your families and I won’t be meeting either of yours anytime soon. I wouldn’t have the day with you and in all honesty, being in the same city and not being able to see you or spend time with you? That would be much harder. At least if I’m in a different city, I can focus on that as the reason for us not seeing each other.”

“What if I came to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if I came to Paris or New York or Boston, or wherever you are, to be with you on Christmas?”

Jules wasn’t sure if he was really proposing this, or if he was just feeling her out. She tried to keep herself in check, keep herself calm.

“How would you explain that to your family?”

“That I was going to be with my girl on Christmas.”

Henry’s use of ‘my girl’ made her pause before she responded.

“But, you just said earlier that you don’t know what this is. And you haven’t told them anything about me or that I even exist and now you want to ditch your parents and the rest of your family, on a family holiday, for me?”

“What if I don’t want you alone on Christmas?”

“Oh, Henry, I’ve been alone on Christmas for 10 years. I appreciate that you want me to be with you, I really do. I have a feeling, though, that if you asked Chris, he’d tell you he’d want me with him. I won’t choose between the two of you, and I won’t have you fighting over me, or bartering, or trading. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter: those are all off the table.”

“What if…?”

“What if, what?”

Jules knew this was hard on him, and she hated that it had to be this way, but she couldn’t think of any way that it would work otherwise. She cupped his jaw and stroked his cheek. When he closed his eyes and nuzzled into her, she hoped she was providing some level of comfort, of reassurance.

“What if Chris said it was okay? What if… what if it was just us, just the two of us? Would you _want_ to spend Christmas with me?”

“But it’s not just the two of us, Henry. And it’s not a question of whether or not I want to spend the day with you. We aren’t at a place in whatever is going on for you to be introducing me to your family, right?”

Jules knew she needed to make a point and wanted to be gentle. She didn’t know how he would take it.

“Henry, I have a question for you that I need for you to answer.”

“I’ll answer anything.”

“How would your family react to meeting me and then seeing me with Chris?”

Henry took his time before responding so Jules had to say something.

“First, if I’m meeting your family, then that says something about our relationship. At least, it would to me, and I expect it would to them as well.” Jules avoided the urge to ask him what it would mean to him. She wasn’t ready for whatever his answer was.

“I don’t see how they’d see you with Chris, though.”

“Henry, at some point I’m going to be linked to one of you. So, worst case for you, I meet your parents and then I’m linked to Chris. Hell, even worse: I’m linked to him before I meet your family and then again after. What would your family think, of you, of me? I’m not talking fans or studios, let’s forget them for a moment. I’m talking your parents and brothers. Would they understand? Do you think they’d understand this arrangement?”

“I see your point.”

“The absolutely last thing I ever want to do is hurt you, or harm your reputation, or make your relationship with your family difficult because of me. I know that what I have with you and Chris isn’t considered normal.”

“But it’s working.”

“Yeah, it is.” _For now. But for how long?_ Jules wouldn’t voice that thought.

“Would you rather spend the holiday with Chris?”

“There is no either or. There is no rather one over the other. I am not going to choose between the two of you for anything. I haven’t been able to since I first met you. I can’t imagine _ever_ being able to choose between the two of you.”

Jules supposed that it was hard for Henry to hear that. It was hard for her to say it, too. She needed some reassurance from him that everything was okay, and she got it when he kissed her. She was able to relax.

“I do have one question for you.”

And with that question from Henry, she tensed right back up.

“Okay.”

“Did you like it? When I called you ‘my girl’?”

He didn’t know how it was possible, but her eyes twinkled in the dark room.

“Did you think I missed that?”

“Maybe, yeah.”

“Well, I didn’t miss it.”

“And?”

“I liked it, a lot.”

“Really? Why?”

“Oh, Henry, because I  _am_ your girl.”

“But what about Chris?”

“I only see the two of us in this room right now.”

“But-”

“Henry?”

“Yes?”

“Do me a favor?”

“Anything, darling.”

“Shut up and make love to your girl.”

Jules found out just how well Henry took direction.

>< 

Neither of them slept before he left. If they only had a few more precious hours, there was no way either of them would waste it slumbering. They’d rather be exhausted for the next 24 hours, instead. Well, Henry was exhausted, Jules simply went to sleep when he left.

She spent the rest of her time in Paris exploring and revisiting that bridge and falling in love with the city. She decided to head home and come back for Christmas. She knew she was hiding a bit from her life, avoiding spending time in her house or thinking about writing and her parents and mess that they’d left her with, but she felt like a new person and Paris felt like it might be the right place for a new start for her. She didn’t want to make a hasty decision, but she was pretty sure she’d be living in Paris within a year. She hadn’t explored, though, so she knew it was possible she might feel more at home somewhere else. The only thing she knew for certain? She wouldn’t be in Los Angeles at this time next year.


	13. December text

_Chris 9:03 am: Hey, where are you?_  
_Jules 9:04 am:_ __  


  


 

 ([picture source](https://www.flickr.com/photos/tjeu/4037864008))

 _Chris 9:04 am: Unless you have new sheets, you’re not at home, are you?_  
_Jules 9:04 am : Still in Paris, all alone in bed watching the sunrise_  
_Chris 9:05 am : Want some company?_  
_Jules 9:05 am : ARE YOU HERE?!!!_  
_Chris 9:06 am : Lol, no, but I could be there by tomorrow am if you want_  
_Jules 9:06 am : Christmas is in less than a week. I’ll see you day after._  
_Chris 9:06 am : Do you not want me to come?_  
_Jules 9:07 am : NO, NOT WHAT I MEANT!!_  
_Chris 9:07 am : ?_  
_Jules 9:08 am : Lots of flying for very little time before you have to leave to be back home for Christmas, don’t want you tired for New Years’_  
_Chris 9:09 am : You sure? I could be there in a heartbeat beautiful._  
_Chris 9:11 am : Jules?_  
_Jules 9:12 am : I’m not going to tell you what to do, you do what you want_  
_Chris 9:14 am: Don’t do that Jules. Tell me what you want._  
_Chris 9:17 am: JULES_  
_Chris 9:18 am: JULES! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!_  
_Jules 9:19 am: I don’t want you to spend time or money on something you don’t want to do_  
_Chris 9:24 am: Jules, please just tell me what you want_  
_Chris 9:26 am: Jules, I’m waiting_  
_Jules 9:30 am: Of course I want you here you dingbat, but I don’t want you to do something that you don’t want to do!_  
_Chris 9:30 am: I’ll send my flight info once I have it. Will you meet me at the airport?_  
_Jules 9:30 am: I’ll meet you wherever and whenever you want_  
_Jules 9:31 am: Are you really coming?_  
_Chris 9:34 am: Yes. See you tomorrow morning, beautiful!_


	14. Chapter 14

When Chris called her right after Jules got back from Paris the first time, his primary purpose was to check in on her, see how she was doing. Yeah, she was an adult, but she brought something out in him, wanting to protect her, and he was somewhat concerned. She’d learned, or really realized, some awful things about her parents and then promptly dealt with the public for several weeks. It was no surprise that she fled to someplace she’d never been, trying to shove all that crap away, out of her mind. Hiding from the world, from her life.

She said she was okay. She said she was going to head back and spend some more time in Paris and she wanted to spend Christmas there. He was pretty sure he knew what the answer would be, but he asked if she wanted to come spend Christmas with him. She politely, but firmly, declined and he didn’t push it.

Then he confirmed that they were still a go for New Year’s. She sounded excited and happy that they’d be together again.

* * *

 

When he surprised her with the text and landing in Paris only 24 hours later, Jules was on cloud-9. She’d enjoyed her time with Henry, especially when they’d been able to wander the city at night, undisturbed, and she hoped to share the city she was seriously considering moving to with Chris, too.

They had a glorious time together. They spent each night exploring. Their favorite night out was when Jules got them a table upstairs, out of the way, at Buddha Bar. They ate and relaxed and laughed and had fun that night, before strolling back, arm in arm, to her hotel. Chris wanted to comment that he hadn’t ever seen her so relaxed, but he refrained. He didn’t want to call attention to it.

They had their own Christmas celebration, exchanging gifts. She’d noticed his fondness for watches and had decided to try to buy one for him. She knew that it might not work out the way she hoped. Her father had been into watches but would never let her mother buy one for him, telling her that it was entirely too personal. Jules hoped Chris liked her choice. In case he didn’t like the one she’d chosen, she had a second gift, one that had been customized just for him. When he opened his second box, he realized what she’d done, having Cap’s shield turned into cufflinks, and just in time for the upcoming award season. He planned to wear them every time he was in a tux. As much as he loved the watch, and who wouldn’t love a Breitling, he loved the cufflinks even more.

There was no sadness when it was time for him to leave. Jules was getting used to saying goodbye to her two men. She knew she’d be seeing him in a few days; Henry, too. That made it much easier.

And yes, she’d started to think of them as hers, even though she knew she had no right.

* * *

 

Jules’ flight from Paris for their New Year’s trip should have had her arriving about the same time as Chris, but that wasn’t to be. They sat on the tarmac for a few hours as things were settled. She knew he was in the air, but kept sending Chris texts anyway. She wanted him to know what was up. When she landed three hours late, the notes from him made her laugh and then his final was for her to find the car he’d hired for her so she could be driven out. She wasn’t going to need a car of her own and he would have stuck around to drive her himself, but he wanted everything ready for when she got there.

When Jules approached the charming and isolated cabin, she saw the ribbon of smoke ascending from the chimney and had confirmation that Chris was indeed there. Although they’d talked frequently, and he’d just been in Paris, she was still excited about seeing him again.

His text had been that he’d leave the door open so she let herself in, the driver helping her with her luggage. When she tried to tip the driver he told her that he’d already been taken care of, tipped his hat, and was on his way.

The cabin was silent once the driver left. There was a slight chill to the place that was being evicted by the fire. It was one of those double-sided fireplaces situated in the middle of the room so it could heat up more of the house. There was probably some sort of central heating available, too, but Jules was happy to see the fireplace running. It was, far and away, her favorite way to stay warm.

She heard footsteps and cupboards opening and closing so she assumed he was in the kitchen. She stopped in the doorway and suppressed a grin as she watched him, jeans slung low on his narrow hips, put something in the oven. He grabbed the sweater that was on the counter and put it on over his still wet hair. He must have just got out of the shower. He grabbed the beer that was on the counter and turned, stopping before he could take a swig.

“I didn’t hear you come in!”

“Looked like you were pretty busy. I didn’t want to interrupt you.” By the time she’d finished her statement, Chris had her in his arms. He liked the small changes he was seeing in her: there was a relaxed confidence that he recalled from when they first met in San Diego that he hadn’t seen since then, at least, not until his trip to Paris. He didn’t know if it was the financial independence or a confidence about her work that she hadn’t really felt before that was making her blossom before his very eyes. Whatever it was, he was grateful for it. He liked the changes he was seeing.

* * *

 

On the 30th, Chris was up and out on the slopes before Henry arrived. He’d wanted to return the favor for Jules’ birthday when Henry gave him some time alone with her. Truth be told, he used the excuse: he’d been itching to head out to do some snowboarding.

This time it was Henry who found Jules in the kitchen, fixing brunch, and it wasn’t until a couple hours later that they finally got around to eating it. They were sitting on a bunch of pillows in front of the fire, enjoying being in each other’s company when Jules remembered that she hadn’t yet given Henry his Christmas gift so she headed into the bedroom and grabbed the box that contained a mariner link bracelet and cufflinks. Henry was both perturbed at the fact that she’d bought anything for him when they’d agreed not to exchange gifts, and touched, especially when he saw the ‘S’ and knew she’d had the cufflinks made for him. In fact, he showed her just how touched he was.

* * *

 

The sky was beginning to darken when Chris finally got back to the cabin. Henry was in the kitchen, grabbing a beer and finishing up preparations for their dinner and Jules was in the living room on the pillows in front of the fire. Having just woken up, she couldn’t quite make out what they were saying as they were keeping their voices low. She wasn’t sure if they thought she was asleep or if she wasn’t supposed to hear what they were saying. She got a rush when she realized they were both in the kitchen. They hadn’t all been together in almost two months and she’d missed having both of them with her. She’d looked forward to this time together, especially since things had started to change when they were in Paris. It was turning into the most magical city.

Jules began thinking about the next summer and that both of them would be in London. She closed her eyes, imagining what it might be like to see them, even if it was just one day a week. If either of them had walked in at that precise moment, they would have been quite curious about the enormous grin she had.

She would’ve headed over to London for a few days right before Christmas to see the city had Chris not come to town. She was seriously considering it for her base during her upcoming trip that summer and knew she was going to have to make a decision soon. She didn’t want Henry to show her around town, preferring to remain anonymous. After her birthday and her book tour, she knew that she needed to pay attention to more about what her two men had to deal with. She started with twitter and Instagram and created some media alerts so she could see what she was in for if anything about her relationship with either of these men became public. She quickly learned that she preferred to stay away from the blogs and stick to social media. But it was in the social media that she learned how frequently Henry seemed to be bothered for pictures. Comparing that to when he’d come to Paris, she was thinking of staying in the city of lights. Jules wanted to say, though, that she’d really given London a try.

Realizing she wasn’t going to do anything about her decision while on holiday, she got up and padded to the kitchen, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders, keeping the chilled air at bay. She announced her presence when she walked into the kitchen.

“I’m not asleep, so be careful what you say about me.” Chris’s head swiveled in her direction and both he and Henry looked like they’d just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

“I don’t know what the two of you are up to, but I have something I’d like to chat about. Come join me?” She turned on her heel and walked out.

“I need a hot shower first.”

When Jules heard Chris, she dropped one corner of the blanket, letting it fall from her shoulder and then dragging it on the ground behind her while she walked, naked, back to the living room to the pillows in front of the fire. Henry’s laughter filled the cabin.

“What has gotten into her?”

Henry clapped a hand on Chris’s shoulder. “Well, I could state the obvious…”

“Oh come on,” Chris was going to have none of that.

“Whatever it is, I most definitely approve.”

“She was like this in Paris, too.”

“Really? I had so little time with her there. I, for one, am not going to keep her waiting.”

Henry followed and when he got to the spot they’d set up, he sat next to Jules before she berated him. Chris couldn’t hear what she said, but he saw Henry smirk and stand, take off his underwear, and sit back down next to Jules. By the time Chris was in and sitting on the hearth, Henry had her on his lap.

Jules had decided to simply dive right in to what was going on in her head.

“Okay, so, about tomorrow and tomorrow night,”

The problem was, Chris and Henry had ideas, too, and wanted to talk about them.

“Henry and I have been talking and we’ve-”

Jules was having none of it.

“You know what, this is a first for me and I have an idea and I’d like to run it by you.”

“What do you mean, a first?”

“Well, Henry, it’s the first time I’ve had a date with anyone I’d really like to spend time, let along two pretty terrific someones. New Year’s is supposed to be out with the old, and in with the new. It’s supposed to be whatever you’re doing at midnight, you’ll be doing all year. It’s supposed to be who you kiss at midnight. I’ve been thinking about something, and I think I have a way to make it work.”

“We think we have that, too.”

She wasn’t giving them time to talk. Chris found it amusing.

“I’m sure you have a way to do it, and maybe it’s the same way. Here’s mine: at whatever time we all agree upon, clocks get unplugged, phones get turned off, watches are put away, and then we don’t know what time it is. Chris, you did such a great job of finding an out of the way place that I doubt that we’ll hear anyone else’s celebration. And, in case we do, we turn on music. Not the radio, but a playlist that’s set to random. I don’t want to know when the clock strikes 12. I want us to agree that once there are no clocks, it is 12, for as long as we want it to be.”

“I like it.”

“What about you, Chris, what do you think?”

“I think it’s a really good idea.”

“Okay, that’s the first part; now for the other part. And I need you to give me some time. This one’s hard for me.”

“Take your time, darling.”

No matter what changes she’d gone through, Jules could, and would, still get embarrassed when she asked for something she wanted; Henry wondered if she’d ever realize that she deserved to get things she wanted, perhaps everything she wanted.

She bowed her head so she didn’t have to look at them, but she did speak clearly. She didn’t want to have to say this next part twice.

“Well, I kinda have this fantasy, that I’m making love at midnight. I’ve always wondered what it would be like, you know, and I think I’ve established that, I won’t choose between you and really, I don’t want to choose between you, and I don’t want you to choose either. I want it to be with both of you.”

“Of course.”

“That goes without saying.”

Henry and Chris looked at each other; this was different than what they’d been discussing, not at all similar, and neither one of the men knew where she was going.

“You don’t get it, do you? You’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you?”

“I don’t understand, darling.”

“Oh for crying out loud, I want to be making love to  _both_  of you… at the same time? I really don’t want to have to get graphic.”

“Both of us. Wait-”

“Are you-”

“are you saying-”

“saying what I think you’re saying?”

“what I think you’re saying?”

Jules visibly stilled when she knew they understood. She was able to exhale all the tension from her body right before nervous energy took over.

“Yes.”

“Darling, we don’t need that.”

She tried to quell her outburst, but failed miserably. They were surprised by her laughter.

“Oh, Henry, even though I’m not looking at him right now, I know Chris is giving you the evil eye, telling you to shut up. Besides,” she finally gained the courage to look at them. “What if I need it? Or, at least, need to try?”

“But I thought-”

Jules cut Chris off before he could finish that thought when she put her hand over his mouth.

“I know what I told you, what I said. I’ve changed my mind.”

“But you’re shaking.

“Well, yeah.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think? I don’t know what you think of me now, if you even want to. And I’m nervous-”

“Stop.”

“But-”

“No, stop.” Chris took her hands in his and massaged the back of them, watching as some of her nervous energy dissipated. “I get that you’re nervous. If you’re too nervous, maybe we shouldn’t.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, since my birthday.”

“That long?”

“Yeah. I really want to try it, but only if you want.”

Jules had expected it would be Chris to voice his opinion first  _because she knew his opinion_. But it was Henry who spoke.

“Jules, as long as this is something you want…”

“Yes, it is.”

“Then, I say we figure out if we have everything for dinner tonight, if we need anything for tomorrow or the first, and Chris, you need to get that playlist going.”

Jules was shaking with laughter.

“What?”

“Look at you, Mr. Bossypants.”

“You have no idea. He absolutely knows how to take control.”

Jules quickly fell silent and glanced back and forth between them before getting off Henry’s lap and laying back down on the floor, arms stretched overhead.

“I am fairly certain we have everything.”

“Even with what you want now for tomorrow night?”

Jules sat up and grabbed Henry’s hand, pulling him down on top of her.

“Chris, I brought everything I knew I would need, so I’m good. Now, go take your shower and come back out when you’re ready.”

She was already stroking Henry so she missed Chris’s salute as he left the room.

* * *

 

It was the following evening, and no one knew the time (they’d all agreed to follow Jules’ recommendations) that found Jules trembling, her whimpering needy, urging the men on.

“Do you want us to stop?”

“N- no.”

“Does this hurt now? Am I hurting you?”

“Yes, but no, no, not really.”

“Does this feel good?”

“Yes”

“Chris, don’t move.

Henry laid next to her before grabbing her leg and draping it over his hip, seeing her relax as the muscle strain left her. He held the back of Jules’ head steady as his thumb gentle, barely a caress, circled her clit and two fingers entered her, crooked. With as close to the edge as she was, he was far gentler with her than normal, and her twitching and clenching, causing groans from Chris, told Henry he was doing the right thing.

“I can feel your fingers inside her. Fuck.”

The blissed out looks on both their faces gave Henry an idea. With a quick kiss to Jules, he moved his other hand to between her legs, reaching low, while he continued to gently play with her.

“Kiss her, Chris.”

Jules couldn’t move her head so Chris helped her out.

“You feel so good, just like this, baby.”

Henry let their kiss go on for a few seconds before cupping Chris’s balls, fondling and massaging them. Chris’s groans into Jules’ mouth got Henry even harder. She had to break away from Chris to breathe.

Then there was her high pitched whine. They’d heard her like this before.

“Sounds like you’re ready to come.”

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

“Can you open your eyes for me?”

“Hunh-uh”

“No?”

Jules shook her head, barely able to move it.

“Is this too much for you?”

“No. Please.” It was her begging please. It was the sound Henry had come to crave.

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes! Fuck, don’t tease. Not nice.”

It took a bit of doing, but Henry was finally able to slowly slide into her. None of them could control what was coming out of their mouths.

“Damn, you are so fucking tight, Jules.”

“Oh, God, Henry, I can feel you, shit!”

“Ahhhhhhhh”

“You okay, Jules?”

She barely managed a nod before she buried her head in the crook of Henry’s neck.

“Do you want us to stop?”

“NO!”

“I can’t hold still any longer.” Chris grabbed her hips and all three groaned as he withdrew, just enough, before thrusting back in.

“Oh, Chr-, f-, mmm, mmm” Jules ended up with only sounds coming from her as she clung to Henry.

As Chris continued his steady out and in and out again, Henry caught Jules’ hand before her fingers found her swollen nub.

“That’s my job.”

That was when Chris wrapped his hand around her throat, more holding than squeezing, and pulled her back to him. Henry watched her face as her eyes rolled back and her whimpering turned to moans. They started soft, interrupted only when the tip of her pink tongue flicked over her lips. As Chris felt her relax, felt her body accept, even welcome him, he quickened his pace, causing her moans to get louder. Henry heard Chris’s whispers to Jules.

“This feels good, doesn’t it baby.”

“Yeah.”

“You like having Henry in your pussy and me in your ass, don’t you?”

“Uh huh.”

Henry knew she’d start begging soon and he wanted to delay that as long as possible; he never lasted long after she started begging, and he didn’t want to give in too quickly. He bent to her and kissed her as he started thrusting his hips, sliding out and in, as he found a languid rhythm that worked for all three of them, and it was successful in distracting Jules, for a little while, at least.

When Henry felt her nails digging into his arm, he knew-

“Henry, please, oh fuck, please let me come.”

He looked to Chris who gave a quick nod.

“You’ve been such a good girl, come for us, Jules.”

“Be our good girl, come for us, Jules.”

Henry circled her clit, but it wasn’t until he dragged a nail across her most sensitive spot that she lit up like a Christmas tree, her orgasm shoving both men closer to theirs as her body spasmed and clenched, wanting to keep them close.

Henry concentrated, doing what he could to stave off his while Chris buried himself as deep as he could and lost control. Henry, resisting every instinct to thrust harder, faster, used his thumb once more, sending her right back up, trembling and moaning. They knew she was close and would probably go one more time.

“Come on, Jules, one more.”

“We know you’ve got one more for us, baby. I know you can do it: just once more. Come on, baby, come for us.”

“Fuck! I can feel you and I can feel her and fuck fuck fuck.”

Henry slowed his hips, watching Chris’s eyes roll back, and Jules’ needy whimpering came back, and sent heat down both men’s spines. Henry sped up one last time. Both of the men groaned when they felt Jules’ body give over to the pleasure coursing through her. She pulled Henry to her, clinging to him as her body shook. That’s what did it for him, tossing him over the edge and into the abyss.

* * *

 

When they finally all settled for the night, Jules’ eyes popped open and she sat up.

“Is everything okay, darling?”

“Yeah, more than okay. So much more than okay.”

Chris sat up. Jules turned to him, and put her fingertips over his lips, stopping him.

“Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, baby.”

Henry was surprised at the longing he felt, watching the two of them kiss. He wanted that to be him. Jules put a smile on his face when she turned to him.

“Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, Jules.”

Henry pulled her on top of him and heard her happy hum when they kissed.

When they finally settled back to their normal configuration, Jules finally found the words.

“I’m just, that was incredible. Thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. I know I got a little bratty there, but, well…”

“Darling, it’s perfectly understandable.”

“And I may have been more than a little enthusiastic.”

“May have been?”

“Can you blame me?”

“I guess not. I really don’t know why you’re so good to me, so accommodating.”

“I just want to see you happy, darling.”

“That’s all we want, your happiness.”

“You are the sweetest men I could ever hope for.”

“Time to get some sleep, darling. Remember, we’ve got plans, depending on how sore you are tomorrow.”

“We’ll see how I’m feeling. Good night, Henry, Chris. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve the two of you, but I’m eternally grateful for you coming into my life.”

“I think we’ll agree to disagree on that one, we’re the lucky ones. Isn’t that right, Chris?”

“Very right. Jules, I need my beauty sleep. We’re not all as naturally gorgeous as you.”

Her laughter put smiles on both their faces, and they were all asleep within minutes.

* * *

 

Jules arrived back in Los Angeles less than a week later. She’d decided to hold off on her London trip until the spring. She didn’t want to rush her time scouting the city out. Besides, knowing that both Chris and Henry were going to be in LA for most of January and at least part of February made her decision easy: she’d be wherever they were.

She used her trip home to start thinking about her new writing, but got very little done. Instead, her mind started tossing some ideas her way that she wasn’t sure what to do with them. She needed to pay close attention and start trying to figure some things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reposting/Downloading:  
> Please do not repost or make these works available for downloading on any other site.


	15. Chapter 15

Chris found himself in London for the BAFTAs. Before he went he’d had some things to do, like see Pratt pay off their Superbowl bet. He’d tried to get Jules to go with him to the game, but by then she knew just how popular Chris was, and with the bet all over social media and the entertainment sites, there was no way he’d be in the background and any woman seen with him who couldn’t be explained away? Nope, not a situation Jules wanted to find herself in.

Besides, football wasn’t really her thing and she didn’t want him to feel like he had to sit there and explain stuff to her, or entertain her. And how would he have explained her to his friends? Or his brother? She told him to go off, spend time with his friends and have tons of fun.

She spent the weekend with Henry.

When Chris was on his way back home to see Pratt pay off the bet, he called her to let her know his plans had changed, that he was heading to London from Boston. Of course Jules understood and told him to have ‘entirely too much fun, I’ll see you soon enough’. The three of them had plans to spend the following weekend together.

The moment his plane touched down in London, he found he had a couple of texts from Henry. They made plans to have dinner Saturday night and catch up since they’d only seen each other one night (and it wasn’t even at Jules’ house, it was at a Golden Globes pre-event party) since their New Year’s celebration. It was a relaxing evening and Chris was back in his hotel room in plenty of time to get a full night’s sleep.

At the venue the next evening, Henry and Chris chuckled when they were introduced to each other as “I’d like you to meet your co-presenter”. It was a little bit later that Chris sent a text to Jules.

_Henry and I are together at the BAFTAs and thinking of you. You were the only one on our mind when a certain picture was taken. It_ _’s just for you, beautiful._

  


It was a night of awards and pictures and champagne and beer and work but yet with plenty of laughter and fun. It was still a long night, one that both wished they could have shared with Jules.

They were in Henry’s hired car, heading back to Chris’s hotel to drop him off, when, instead, he suggested a nightcap back at Henry’s place. He had some things he needed to get off his chest and he wanted to do it before they were with Jules the next weekend. Henry wanted to give his friend a chance to say whatever was on his mind away from prying ears, so naturally they changed course. They were back at his place only a few minutes later.

Chris had a sense of deja vu when he walked into Henry’s flat. Flashes of steel and strong hands roaming his body came to mind. His mind settled at the memory and knew he’d made the right decision to confide in Henry.

Henry poured a couple fingers of whiskey and dropped some ice in each. He tossed his tie onto the counter in his kitchen and stopped in the doorway, wondering what was on Chris’s mind. He didn’t want to push him, but he was also curious. He realized he’d find out, soon enough.

Chris saw the rocks glass appear over his shoulder and he gratefully accepted it. He was unlike himself, quiet and still. He was lost in his thoughts, in the noise of his mind and, for a moment, forgot where he was.

Henry deposited his jacket on the back of his chair and toed off his shoes. He wanted to get out of the suit altogether, but felt that would be rude with his guest forced to remain in his. He stared at the fire in the fireplace for a few moments before realizing that Chris must have lit it.

“Thanks for starting the fire.”

“Hm…? Ah, yes.” It was clear who Chris was thinking of. “Reminds me of her. I wish she was here.”

“Is that what’s got you so pensive, Chris? You miss her?”

He didn’t answer right away, and when he finally did, it wasn’t really an answer.

“Were you able to spend time with Jules this past month?”

“Not nearly as much as I wanted, but every chance I had. You?”

“Not nearly enough.” He took another sip before continuing. This time, he looked Henry square in the eye. “Are you finding it hard to keep your relationship a secret?”

“Mum knows. I didn’t tell her, she figured it out on her own. She confronted me about it at Christmas, but I wouldn’t confirm anything. It’s killing her that I’m not saying anything. What about yours?”

“It was the several day trip I took to Paris right before Christmas that gave it away. We should never let our mothers get together. They’d figure everything out.”

It was Henry’s turn to grow thoughtful. “I don’t know that I’d mind that.”

“You wouldn’t care if they knew the extent of it? About the three of us?”

“I can handle my family. Sure, my brothers would give me a hard time. I know everyone would fall in love with Jules, and if they met you they’d like you. I’d rather not hide someone from my family who is so important to me.”

Chris took a drink and prepared for what might happen next.

“So, we are both in love with her.”

While Henry wasn’t surprised that Chris was in love with Jules, he was surprised at how open he was being about it. All he could do was nod his head a few times.

Chris was curious, though. “Have you told her?”

“No.” The stern look on Henry’s face made it clear what he thought of that prospect.

Chris was curious. “Why not?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it when she tells me she doesn’t love me, and I know that would kill her. I don’t want to do that to her.”

“Doesn’t love you? What the hell are you smoking?”

Henry was not amused. “I might joke about a lot of things, but not this.”

Chris still didn’t get it. “Why the hell would you think she doesn’t love you?”

“I’ve seen the way she looks at you. You’ve hung the moon as far as she’s concerned.” Henry didn’t like the conversation, but he knew it was better to clear the air while they were both still in Jules’ life.

“That’s bullshit.”

“Give me some credit for recognizing when a woman looks at the man she loves.”

“Name one time.”

“Her birthday, when you were dancing with her, when we were in front of the fire. When you made breakfast for her, hell, that whole weekend.” Henry knew he’d kick himself for insisting that Chris see her, back when everything started, and he’d been right.

“Dude! Her whole face lights up when she sees you, she glows with how much she loves you. She always kisses you first. Nine times out of ten, she curls up with you and then reaches for me.”

Henry couldn’t conceal his surprise, and then something hit him.

“So, you only see the way she looks at me, I only see the way she looks at you, and we’re both convinced she’s not in love with us. Assuming we’re right, she’s falling for both of us.”

Chris was still skeptical. “Is that possible?”

“I think it’s a very real possibility.”

Henry realized that the night was turning in a different direction than he ever thought it would. Could he handle it? Could Chris?

“Could you be in a relationship with a woman who says she’s in love with two men? Would it bother you?”

“I don’t know. Anyone else and my answer is immediate, absolute: no way. But, it’s not just anyone, it’s Jules, Henry, and I know you love her-”

“And I know you love her. It’s written all over your face.”

“She loves you.”

“I know she loves you.”

Chris set his drink down and his head was immediately in his hands.

“This is just- the woman I love, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I want to know that she’s not holding anything back, that her love, it’s absolute. I mean, this business is so fucking hard and you’re away for so long, I just, I gotta know that she’s willing to deal with that, to stick it out, to put up with the time away because of how much she loves me.”

Henry thought for a few seconds, looking like he was going to say something. When he didn’t, Chris continued.

“I can’t help but wonder: can someone love two different people at the same time? Like, completely love, give absolutely everything of herself to that love? Wouldn’t she have to be holding something back from me that she’d give to you?”

“If anyone can, Jules can. She’s been alone her whole life. She has so much to give and she’s been holding it in all her life. I don’t know that we’d know the difference.”

Chris’s sigh spoke volumes. “I hope you’re right, ‘cause I can’t see myself giving her up any time soon. And I could never ask her to give you up.”

“I don’t think she could, Chris. How many times has she said she won’t choose?”

“Probably about a million.”

They silently pondered their exchange, wondering if it could be possible. Henry finished his drink and swirled the remaining ice cube in his glass.

“That what’s been on your mind, what you wanted to talk about?”

“Part of it.”

“What’s the other part?”

“I need to make a decision and I know what I want it to be, but…

“About Jules?

“No. I’m switching gears here.” While Chris seemed to physically relax, he squinted and his face grew tighter.” Look, you can’t tell anyone, ‘kay?”

“Okay.”

The reassurance from Henry seemed to make all the difference as Chris relaxed.

“I am coming to the end of my contract with Marvel and I don’t want it to end.”

“Are you in negotiations?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I haven’t told them.”

Henry didn’t understand. “Why?”

“My agent’s telling me not to.”

“Your agent knows you want it to continue, right?”

“Yeah, but he thinks-”

“Wait, let me guess: if you show them you want it, they’ll have the upper hand?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s bullshit. They want to keep Cap alive? No one else can do that. You are that character. You have the upper hand.”

“You took over Superman. Hell, Batman’s had how many people play him?”

“Sure, but it’s different. Those were all reboots. Marvel’s different. They have a single vision that goes what, five years out? Maybe longer?”

“Hadn’t thought about that.”

“Look, if they want you, they want you.”

“But if things have gone too far, if they’ve already planned-”

“If they’ve made plans without you and they don’t want you, I know it’ll hurt-”

“Of course it would fucking hurt!”

Chris’s outburst halted Henry’s thoughts. He tried softening his tone when he continued.

“Wouldn’t you rather know than not?”

Chris couldn’t be dissuaded from what was going on in his head. “Sure, but-”

“Stop.”

“But-”

“I said stop. You asked for my help, I don’t appreciate the attitude.”

It was _that tone_ , the one that Henry had used all those months ago, that night when things had started in the kitchen and ended in the bedroom.

Chris’s eyes popped up and locked on Henry. The change was almost instantaneous.

“I’m sorry.”

Instinctively, Chris sat up, his back a little straighter, and absentmindedly took off his watch. Under other circumstances, with other people, he was the one in control. With Henry, though, it was different.

Henry set his glass down on a coaster on the coffee table and glanced back up at Chris. Seeing that he’d taken off his watch and held it in his left hand-the sign they’d worked out the last time Chris was in town-his demeanor changed. It wasn’t a command that he gave with his glance, rather a question, and Chris didn’t know the answer. Well, he knew his answer, but he didn’t know the depth and breadth of his answer. Chris hated the tension that had built up in the silence. He knew Henry was patient, probably one of the most patient people he’d ever met. He was waiting for Chris to make a decision. While he wasn’t pressuring him, the silence felt like pressure.

The last time, they’d had a discussion about what Chris would allow, what he could handle, what he could deal with. Things hadn’t progressed that much beyond what had happened in San Diego. It was barely a little bit more, but it had been a step forward. Since that night, Chris had, from time to time, thought about what he might be willing to do, next time _if there was ever a next time_. He realized, now that it was upon him, that it was easy to make a decision when it was nothing but theory.

This wasn’t theory anymore, and apparently, Henry thought the hesitation was about him.

“If you don’t want-”

“Henry-”

“-this I-”

“-that’s not-”

“Chris, stop.” He waited for Chris to stop talking. It wasn’t until he saw Chris take a deep breath that he continued. “If you don’t want this, I won’t be offended.”

“That’s not it.”

“Enlighten me, please.”

“I don’t know how far I want to go.”

Henry pondered that for a moment before tilting his head.

“More than San Diego?”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“More than the last time you were here?”

“Yes.”

“You just don’t know how much more.”

“No.”

“Okay, we know a little bit about one end of the spectrum, what about the other? Remind me, what are your limits? And if they’ve changed, that’s okay.”

“Nothing that will leave a mark.”

“That’s a good rule.”

“Also, no tormenting, nothing psychological.”

“You just looking to have fun, or is there something more?”

Henry would have been surprised if Chris’s answer was _just for fun_.

“You sound like you’ve done this before.”

Henry sat back in his chair and his face became expressionless.

“I don’t kiss and tell.”

Chris nodded, realizing he needed to concentrate on himself, rather than Henry.

“I need to clear my head, get the noise to go away.”

“Noise?”

“Lots of noise in my head.”

“To get you out of your head some mind games might be needed.”

“For instance…”

“What’s your concern?”

“Nothing… harsh?”

“What do you mean?”

If he was going to get what he wanted, Chris knew he needed to start answering Henry’s questions directly. Knowing that didn’t make it any easier, though.

“Nothing that puts me down, like, no calling me an idiot, that kind of stuff.”

“Well, you’re not an idiot so I can work with that. Back to the beginning? Why don’t you tell me what you agreed to last time and whether or not you agree to it again?”

Chris tried to figure out where to start. _I may as well start at the beginning._

“Restraints.”

Henry waited a beat before chiming in. “Is that something you want again?”

Chris was unable to stop his chuckle as he answered. “Yes, most definitely.”

“What else?”

“You touching me, it was good. I want that again.”

“Okay, where? What did you like?”

“All of it was good.”

Henry saw that Chris was a little anxious and knew he needed to be patient. “I need you to be specific, Chris.”

He almost said something that Henry would have found inappropriate and he silently admonished himself.

“I liked that I knew it was you touching me, my shoulders and my chest. My back, my abs, my thighs.”

Again, Henry hesitated. “Was that all?”

“My dick.”

Henry saw progress. Sure, he was having to ask questions, to prod for additional information, but Chris was beginning to answer without hesitation. The color was high on his cheeks. Henry knew it was only a matter of time.

“Okay. What else did you want to have happen again?”

“I liked that you took time, you made me question whether or not you would touch me. And then once you did, you took a long time. Dragging it out like that was good.

“So, you liked that I didn’t let you come right away?”

“Yes.”

“You liked that I made you want it.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want that again?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Let’s switch it up a little bit. Would you have a problem doing anything to me?”

Chris had not been expecting that question. “Like what?”

“Would you give me a hand job?”

“Yes.”

“How about a blow job?”

There it was, the briefest of pauses. Henry knew they were treading into unknown territory.

“Yes.”

“Giving or receiving?”

“Both, yes.”

“How about fucking?”

“That’s the part I don’t know.”

“So, you know you’re willing to let me put my dick in your mouth, but you don’t know about my dick in your ass, right?”

“Right.”

“So, what about my fingers in your ass?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You don’t sound too convinced.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m ready to drop trou, spread em and say go for it right now.”

“You need to be worked up to it?”

Chris nodded, but then responded with an _I think so_ when Henry gave him that _you know my rule_ look.

“Is that why you don’t know about fucking?”

“I just don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

“But you’re curious.”

“Yes.”

“And maybe it happens today, or maybe not.”

“Yes.”

“Anything else?”

“No.”

“So, you want to clear the clutter out of your head?”

“Yes. I’ve got too much brain noise going on.”

“I might have to push a little more than I did last time. Depends on how stubborn you’re being.”

“That’s what the safe word is for, right?”

“I want to expand on the safe word.”

“How so?”

“Instead of having just a word to stop, I’d like for us to use a stoplight: green means everything is good, no issues. Yellow means, like, you might need to talk about something, or pause if something’s really intense. Red means stop, it is too much and no way do we go any further. We might even stop everything all together, depending on how bad.”

“I can’t imagine it being that bad. I don’t think I’d want to stop.”

“Have you ever done anything like this before?”

“No.”

“You don’t know how you’ll react. And look, just because something felt good before doesn’t mean it’ll feel good now. So, when I have your dick in my hand and I’m jerking you off, you could freak out. I don’t want you to think that just because you did it before that it should always feel the same.”

“Is that what you’re gonna do?”

“You know better than to ask me what I’m planning on doing.”

“Yes, you’re right, sorry, Henry.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I want you to go into my bedroom, get out of your clothes, hang them up and fold them, you know the drill. I want you to stand in the middle of the room, facing away from the door, and I want you to get yourself hard before you call me in. By the time I’m in the room, I want your hands behind your back.”

Before anything else could be said, Chris was in the bedroom, hanging up his clothes. Henry decided it was safe to get undressed. The briefest of thoughts flashed through his mind- _I should make Chris undress me_ -before he continued. He knew he’d be pushing Chris right up to his limits and would push him different ways next time, assuming there would be a next time.

His clothes carefully draped over furniture, Henry waited for Chris to call to him. He was glad for the chill in the room, away from the fire. He wanted Chris to do the work, and not have anticipation make things easy on him.

“Henry, I’ve done as you asked. I’m ready for you.”

A quick, steadying breath was all that stood between Henry and the rest of the night. He didn’t pause before entering the room, instead walking straight to Chris’s clothes, folded and set on top of the chair. He’d already decided that he would use Chris’s tie to keep his hands in place. He was silent as he wrapped the silk around his wrists before securing the fabric.

“On your knees.”

Chris silently lowered himself and, once settled, Henry circled and faced him. He saw Chris’s eyes widen, briefly, as he took in that Henry was also nude, something different from the last time. He reached out, caressing Chris’s cheek and was immensely satisfied when Chris took comfort, leaning into his hand. He guided his head back so they were looking at each other.

“While I’m going to do periodic color checks to make sure things are still good for you, I don’t want you to wait for them if you feel the urge to call out yellow or red. It isn’t that I see something concerning, I’m just wanting to check in with you, okay?”

“Yes.”

Henry quirked a smile, pleased at his short answer.

_Looks like some of the training stuck._

“Color check.”

As he exhaled, Chris’s shoulders relaxed.

“Green.”

“And if I were to tell you it is time for you to open your mouth and take my dick into it and suck on it until you make me come, what would your color be?”

As Chris licked his lips before he responded, Henry could see that they’d flushed to an even deeper red.

“Green.”

“Have you ever done this before?”

“No.”

Henry knew this might be short-lived. He decided to take it slow with Chris.

“Open your mouth. Good. We’re going to start nice and slow. I want you to think about what you like and what you don’t like as you’re doing this, okay?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, keep your eyes on me, and open your mouth a little wider.”

Henry slipped just the head of his cock into Chris’s mouth. Chris tried to take more, but Henry stopped him.

“No. This is your first time and I want this to be a good experience for you.” Chris stopped straining and calmed.

“I want you to relax your jaw, come on, I want you to go slow, get used to the feel of my dick in your mouth.” Henry’s hand slipped to the underside of Chris’s chin, his thumb stroking his cheek, providing encouragement. “Open wider.” As he did as he was told, Henry slowly slipped more of his dick into Chris’s mouth, immensely satisfied at knowing his was Chris’s first. He paused after a few seconds.

“You doing okay? If not, I want you to come off of me. If you are, I want you to keep going, take in as much of me as you can.”

Chris opened his mouth wide and relaxed his jaw as he moved forward. As he did so, he remembered that Henry wanted him to move slowly. He kept his eyes on Henry as his nose was tickled by his hair.

“Stop, right there. Just stay there, right like that. Good, that’s good, Chris.” He saw Chris’s eyes get bigger. “Is this still okay?”

“Mhm.”

“You can feel me getting hard, can’t you?”

“Mhm.”

“Do you like that?”

“Mhm.”

“You do? Knowing it’s your mouth getting me hard? Knowing that I know I’m your first? Knowing I’m the first man who will come in your mouth? You like that?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah, I can see you like it. I can see your hard dick pointing up at me. You like this, don’t you? Sucking on my cock?”

“Mhm.”

Henry’s eyes twinkled.

“You know what I want now? I want to watch those lips of yours stroke my cock. That’s right, up and down, up and down. That’s good, Chris. Keep that up, just like that.”

Chris decided to see just how far he could push himself. As he felt Henry get harder and harder, his dick growing longer and longer, filling up his mouth more and more, he made sure his nose nestled in Henry’s hair on every down stroke. He didn’t know when his gag reflex would kick in and he wanted to know how far he could go.

Henry was mesmerized by how red Chris’s lips were getting, how glossy and slick with saliva they were, how his tongue felt, and by just how deep Chris was taking him. He knew he’d hit his gag reflex soon, and he was sure that with the right training, Chris would be able to get past it.

_Eventually, he_ _’ll be able to take my whole cock._

That thought pushed Henry much further along. He felt the telltale tingling and heat and knew it wouldn’t be long.

“I’m going to come in your mouth, Chris. You ready?”

Chris gave Henry some concern when he almost pulled off of him, that was, until he sucked on his head, tonguing his frenulum. He smirked when he recognized the move, realizing this was something that Chris liked. He held Chris’s head steady as he flooded his mouth, grunting through gritted teeth, before collapsing to the floor. He indulged himself for only the briefest of seconds before opening his eyes and paying attention to Chris.

“That was good. Color check?”

Chris hesitated and Henry wondered what was going on in his head. He waited to see if Chris was just coming down from what he’d just done, or if he was having trouble.

“What’s wrong?”

Chris shook his head and opened his mouth, showing Henry that he’d held everything. Henry reached up and caressed Chris’s cheek.

“Thank you, Chris. You can swallow.”

It was a few moments before Chris spoke up, and he was uncharacteristically unsure of himself.

“Green?”

“That sounds more like a yellow than a green. Can you tell me what’s on your mind?”

When Chris took time to answer, scraping his teeth over his lower lip, Henry wasn’t sure what he was going to hear.

“I… um, I did good?”

“Yes. You definitely did a good job. Did you like it?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m hearing a ‘but’, what’s up?”

“It’s kinda embarrassing…”

“You know I won’t judge. What can I help you with?”

“I think I need something.”

“Do you need me to untie your hands?”

“No! I don’t want that. But I need…”

“What do you need? What can I do for you?”

“I have a million thoughts running through my head, but one keeps coming up and it’s just hard to say.”

“Remember, like before, I want you to know you can ask for anything you need or want, there’s no judgment here. Maybe if you tell me what you need, all those extra thoughts, all that noise will go away. Why don’t you give it a try?”

Henry could see just when Chris decided to speak up.

“I want you to kiss me.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

Henry grabbed Chris’s shoulder, needing them to have a physical connection.

“You’re sure, because the last time-”

“I know. It felt like, I don’t know, Jules didn’t know and it felt wrong somehow.”

“And it doesn’t anymore?”

“No. I mean, she knows and she’s okay with it.”

“Are you looking for something specific?”

“Like the first time we kissed?”

“You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Yes. You took the lead and it was, I don’t know, fun and hot and what? It was like you were taking care of me, I mean, I felt, I don’t even know, safe? Does that make sense?”

“I know what you mean. You were, safe, and so was I.”

“I still feel safe with you.”

“I would hope so.”

“No, I mean, I don’t have to be in charge with you. It sounds like I’m complaining about Jules, but I’m not. I love that she feels safe and comfortable and gives herself to me and looks to me to lead, but there are times that I just need-”

“Not to be in charge. I get it. It’s a lot of responsibility. It’s nice to be able to shed that every once in a while.”

“Do you ever get that?”

“It’s rare, but I do.”

“When was the last time?”

“San Diego, every time Jules asked for something, or when I did something to make her happy.”

“Do you think about San Diego a lot?”

“No, not really. You?”

“Little bit, but not recently.”

“So, you haven’t thought about that kiss?”

“Which one?”

“Any of them, all of them.”

“It’s not like they never popped into my mind. But, it’s been so long since then, since we kissed…”

Henry closed the small gap that remained between them and took Chris’s face in his hands.

“Are you sure you want it?”

“Yes.”

Henry swallowed his sigh as his lips sealed over Chris’s. They both relaxed into the kiss. Henry was the first to explore Chris, his tongue slipping into his mouth as his hand moved to the back of his head and held him in place, all the while mindful of any hesitation he might have felt. He was glad there wasn’t any. The hand not holding the back of his head traveled south, feeling the warm expanse of skin before finding Chris’s bound wrists. Henry’s hand closed over the tie, feeling like he was taking possession.

Chris was amazed that he could feel both vulnerable and safe at the same time. He knew he could trust Henry. He didn’t know why it worked, why he could be head over heels in love with Jules and know Henry was, too, and yet still be doing-whatever this was-and not feel like he was cheating.

_Shhh, just shhh!_

The only time his brain had shut off completely had been when he’d had Henry’s cock in his mouth.

Maybe Henry was onto something.

He thought about what it had been like, feeling Henry slip just the head of his dick in his mouth, how it felt when he was getting hard in his mouth. He felt himself twitch when he thought of how Henry had come in his mouth, musky and rich. Chris like it, knowing he’d done that to Henry.

Chris became bold as his tongue scraped past Henry’s uneven teeth, unfolding into his mouth. He pressed his body closer, wanting to feel, something, he wasn’t sure what. He wasn’t prepared for when Henry’s hand grabbed hold of his erection. He’d actually forgotten how hard he was.

Henry took absolute and complete control as his tongue occupied Chris’s mouth. Fisting his hair and holding him in place, not letting him move, he waited for Chris’s struggle to cease before he broke the kiss.

“You know, I had someone tell me something once. If what you’re doing isn’t something you’d do in front of the person you’re seeing, you’re cheating.” Henry paused, waiting until he had Chris’s full attention. “I think Jules would enjoy watching us.”

“I would think so.”

_Maybe…_

“Would that be something you’d do for her, let her watch?”

Chris had to clear his throat several times before he could answer. “Yeah.”

“What would you be willing to do for her?”

He thought for only a moment. “Everything I’ve done.”

Henry got behind Chris, straddling his legs and pressing his body against Chris. When Chris leaned back into him, Henry began to wonder what direction they were headed. He kneaded Chris’s ass.

“How about if I let her watch as I fucked you? Would you like that?”

“First, I need to know if I like it.”

“Assume, for argument’s sake, you did like it…”

Chris’s breath shuddered out of him.

Henry continued his massaging for a moment before his fingers went exploring, exposing him. Chris didn’t move when Henry gently rubbed the tip of his middle finger over that ring of muscle. Chris shuddered a second time, moaning. Back and forth and back and forth, Henry’s finger traveled over Chris’s flesh. For the penultimate time that night, Henry whispered…

“Color check?”

“Green. Fucking bright, neon green.”

 

* * *

 

It was several hours later when Chris was getting out of the steaming shower that he caught a glimpse of Henry and knew something was wrong.

“Everything okay?”

“Do me a favor, check if you got a message from Jules.”

Chris unlocked his phone and saw there were a couple of texts, one from Jules.

_[Jules: 1:33am] Check your email. Please don’t try to contact me. Good bye._

“…the hell…”

Henry tapped his screen a couple of times and dialed someone, stepping out of his room to make the call in private.

Chris found the email and began to read.

 

_Henry, Chris:_

_I cannot tell you how much this pains me, but I must stop seeing you. I am a coward as I cannot do this face to face, or even over the phone. Please trust that I have my reasons, and they are good ones, but I am not going to try to explain them to you. I don_ _’t think you’d understand them and if you did, well, I’m not going to even go there._

_Henry: You have made me feel special and desired and cared for from the very beginning. Since I haven_ _’t had that in my life, you were the person who first opened my eyes to the fact that I am worthy of so many things._

_Chris: You have given me a confidence and a belief in myself that I_ _’ve never had. If you hadn’t had as much patience with me back in November as you did, I would still be that same, scared person. I know I was frustrating and stubborn that day and I’m sorry I put up such a fight. You were right about so many things._

_Chris and Henry: the two of you have changed my life so profoundly that words cannot even come close to adequately expressing my gratitude and my affection for you both. Thank you._

_And now, I must bid you_ _…_

_Adieu.  
_ _Jules_

Chris reread the note several times, becoming more and more confused with each reading. He pulled on the sweats that Henry had laid out for him and hurried to find him, dialing Jules along the way. He went straight to voicemail.

“I’ve got us on the first flight out I could find. We can be there this afternoon.”

“Do you have any idea what happened?” Chris was scrolling through his messages to see if there was anything else.

“No, and I’ve tried calling, but I’m only getting her voice mail. There’s no way I’m accepting this without seeing her.”

“What the hell could have happened?”

Henry was not about to go down without an explanation, he felt they deserved at least that.

“I don’t know. Let’s go get our girl.”


	16. Chapter 16

It was all rush rush rush just to stand still: stand still at the airport waiting to check in, stand still at security waiting to go through the detectors, stand still in line to get on the plane (although, they were ushered on quickly and discreetly), and then, worst of all, _sitting_ still on the plane. Chris thought for sure he was going to go crazy, waiting for the plane to arrive in LA.

Neither Chris nor Henry wanted to discuss what they thought had happened. It was bad enough that their minds were running away with any and all possibilities that they could think up, but they knew it would be exponentially worse if they were thinking the same thing or, God forbid, either of them had a fresh idea that was even more plausible. It was already a nightmare…

 _She_ _’s in love with_ him _and not me._  
_This is all a setup. When I leave, she_ _’s going to pick back up with_ him _._  
_She_ _’s not having fun anymore._  
_She read some stupid blog and believed them when they said I was dating_ that woman _.  
__She met_ someone else _._

Chris tried to watch movies, hoping it would take his mind off of the noise in his head. He found himself staring at the screen in front of him, but not registering the images that were playing out before him. The images in his mind, what he was reliving was all about her: her smile, her laugh, how warm she got when she was sleeping, what she tasted and felt like, and how she made him feel wanted, not because of his money or connections or that he was a star and, in fact, it was in spite of him being known to the public. She wanted him, just him, just Chris.

Unless, maybe she didn’t.

His biggest fear was that she’d met and fallen for someone else, someone who could be there all the time for her, support her, wipe away her tears, make her laugh. Love her the way she deserved to be loved. Chris knew he’d be devastated if she found someone else, but he’d never stand in the way of her happiness.

Then there was Henry. He tried to start with a movie but it wasn’t that he couldn’t get into anything he saw. Worse, he saw one that always tugged at his heart, something he’d never admit to anyone. He had to turn it off, though, because he couldn’t get a particular thought out of his head. He was Lloyd Dobler to Jules’ Diane Court, right down to his boom box moment: flying across an ocean and a continent had to count for something, right?

He shut the movie off and took out Grey to finish it, if by finish you mean stare at the words on the page. Not a single word stuck since _she_ _’s in love with him_ was all he could think.

The flight was utter agony.

When they were in final descent and had just stowed everything, they exchanged only a few words.

“I think we need to be careful about how we approach her. We don’t know what’s happened, what caused her to think this was the right thing to do.”

“Henry, I just want her back. I don’t care what it’ll take to get her back.”

 

* * *

 

 

Landing and customs and paparazzi and a hired car and they were at Jules’ place, on her doorstep, in short order. They knew what they wanted to say, but they didn’t know what they were going to say. They stood there for a time, staring at the luggage at their feet or the door, straining and trying to hear something, anything (Chris was pretty sure he heard her crying, but Henry didn’t hear a thing). Independently of each other, they thought better of glancing in her windows to see what was going on inside, all the while steeling themselves for what lay ahead. After a few minutes, Henry nodded at Chris and Chris knocked. Henry knocked about 20 seconds later when she hadn’t answered and on the second strike, the door opened.

“I’m here, I’m here, what…”

 _She_ ' _s been crying._

Too many emotions flashed across her face, too many for Chris to catch. Joy, anger, fear… was that hope? “What are you doing here, Chris?” She opened the door a little wider and that’s when she spied Henry. “Oh, God, you, too?” Her bravado cracked wide open. “Why… are you here? I told you… not to…”

Jules crumpled to the floor, sobbing. Her worst fears had come true: they were going to demand an explanation, _in person_. She knew she wouldn’t survive, not emotionally, anyway. She couldn’t handle their anger, their hatred.

 _Maybe they_ ' _ll take pity on me, turn around, and leave._

Henry stepped over the threshold and scooped her up off the ground, holding her close.

_Or not._

“Come on, darling, we’ll sort all this out and everything will be back to normal soon enough. You’ll see.”

She took comfort from him for longer than she should have. She couldn’t help it: she liked being in his arms. She felt safe with him. She felt safe with both of them. She tried pushing away but he wouldn’t let go.

“Put me down, Henry.”

His heart broke at her plea, but he heeded her wishes and set her down.

Back on her feet, Jules headed straight for the kitchen, Henry and Chris trailing in her wake.

“I told you not to contact me.”

She grabbed the half-bottle of wine from the fridge and a wine glass. She was in desperate need of fortification.

“After everything that we’ve been through, Jules, there’s no way you could expect us to accept this. There was no warning, nothing.”

She didn’t like the way Chris sounded. She knew it was going to be a battle. She remained silent as she tried to figure out what to do.

“I saw you only a week ago and you cannot tell me that you were planning this. There’s no way you could have hidden something like this from me. What happened?”

She avoided answering Henry and instead finished off what she’d poured before emptying what remained into her glass. She grabbed another bottle and opened it.

 _I can_ ' _t do this._

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can’t just call everything off and not tell us what we did. What did I do?”

Chris was too close. All she’d need to do was reach a few inches to her left and she’d feel him: his warmth, his strength, his comfort, _him_. She needed him to back away.

_I want him to stay right where he is._

“You didn’t do anything, Chris.”

“Is that the problem, that I didn’t do anything?”

Jules was on the verge of throwing in the towel and telling them she’d made a mistake.

 _If I do that, I_ ' _ll just have to go through this some other time. Better to rip the Band-Aid off now._

“No. This isn’t your fault, Chris.”

Except, it was, in a way…

She felt Henry’s presence on the other side of her. She knew he wanted to reach out to her, put his hand on her shoulder, pull her into his arms and solve all her problems. It was too much. She couldn’t handle it.

“What about-”

“No, Henry.” _Please, don_ _’t leave._ “This is on me. I’m the problem.”

“You are not a problem, darling. Whatever happened, we can fix it; we’ll make it right.”

If she threw in the towel now, that would be it. It would be done and over with and they could go on with the three of them.

Except she couldn’t.

_The only way this war within me will end is to cut ties now._

“Neither of you will let this go, will you?”

“Not until we know what happened.”

“Come on, tell us what’s going on. Let us help you”

A couple of gulps was all it took for her to empty the glass. “Go sit down.”

“Jules, darling-”

“Henry, go sit.” She was pleased he could be counted on to do as she asked.

“Come on, Jules-”

“Chris!” She couldn’t help it as she spun to him, grabbing his shoulders and pointing him in the direction Henry had just taken. “Sit. Sofa. Go!” She didn’t like yelling, but it seemed to be the only way to get through to him. She was careful not to make any noise as he left.

She stood there relishing the silence, trying to figure things out. What was she going to do?

 _Think think think. Maybe I can_ _… what, maybe I can leave? No, they’d only stop me and if I somehow got out, they’d come after me. Maybe I can avoid the conversation and get them to leave? No, there’s no way they’ll let up, not until I give them an answer. They flew 5,000 miles to get an answer. Oh, God, what do I do? You know what? I lie. I’ll tell ‘em I’ve met someone. They won’t believe me, but I have to try._

 _I don_ ' _t know if I can do this._

Jules said a silent prayer as she entered the room, asking for the strength she’d need to cut these two men out of her life. She knew she had an uphill battle. She couldn’t even look them in the eye as she rounded the sofa. She only saw knees and legs and she almost turned and left the room. All it would take was one touch and she knew she’d melt and be back with them and that would be so selfish on her part and be unfair to them. She couldn’t let that happen; she had to stay strong.

She sat far enough back on the coffee table so she could hug her legs to her chest, her heels on the edge. She needed to protect herself from all the crap flying around in her head, and all that she was about to start flinging.

Then she made the mistake of glancing at Chris, and her whole world turned upside-down when the confusion and hurt and sadness on his face registered, piercing her heart. Her tears were almost instantaneous. She got up and tried to dart past Henry, but he was too fast for her. She tried to step over his legs but he trapped her between them, not letting her get away.

“I’m an awful person. You should cut your losses and go.”

“It cannot be that bad.”

 _Maybe if I hint at how bad it really is they_ ' _ll get the message._

“It’s even worse than you can imagine. Everyone will think you’re a fool for being anywhere near me.”

“Darling, I don’t care about everyone. I only care about you.”

 _Why won_ ' _t Henry listen to me?_

“When I tell you, you won’t. You’ll both hate me!”

“I can’t ever imagine hating you, beautiful.”

_Neither one of them are listening to me._

“Why don’t you tell us what’s happened to get you into such a state and we’ll see what we can do to fix it.”

“You can’t fix this, Henry.”

“You don’t know that.”

Her head snapped in Chris’s direction.

“But I do! You can’t fix it, no one can. This is all on me.”

“Jules, I’d like for you to try to calm down.” Chris knew he needed to break through to her. He remembered what she’d been like the last time this had happened.

“Chris! You don’t-”

Chris cut her off.

“Jules, remember your birthday, when you got all worked up because some asshole called your writing juvenile? Remember how it took some time, but I got you to see how you were wrong to let him get you in such a state? You were lost, you’d been alone in your thoughts then, too, and you know how bad it got and it didn’t need to. You need to tell us what’s going on. We can help. We want to help.”

If Henry didn’t know any better, he’d have thought she was in physical pain, the grimace on her face so extreme.

“Darling, not knowing what is going on, it’s making it harder than it has to be. Maybe there’s something I can do that you don’t know about. Maybe there’s something that Chris can do. Not knowing anything? This is very difficult on us.”

 _Difficult on you, sure, yeah, it_ ' _s all about you, isn’t it, Henry?_

 _Jules! Don_ ' _t do that! He doesn’t know how bad you are!_

She bit her tongue before she started mumbling about how stupid she was being.

“You won’t let this go, will you?”

“We told you in the kitchen we’re not. Please, beautiful, just come sit down and tell us.”

Henry moved his legs, but only so she could sit. She again chose the coffee table across from them. She made herself so small and she looked so alone and miserable.

_How the hell do I do this?_

“I… I…”

Try as she might, Jules couldn’t get the words to move past her lips. She didn’t have the strength. Jules needed…

She closed her eyes, desperate to be anywhere but where she was, desperate to be feeling anything but what she was.

 _Calgon, take me away_ _…_

_Mother, get out of my head._

She felt Chris take one hand and then Henry took the other. They sat on the edge of the sofa, willing her to say something, anything.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She took several deep breaths, steeling herself to feel them pull away from her. She felt them hold their breath in anticipation, waiting for her story. Her voice cracked as she spoke. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Silence. Stillness. It was only the crackle of the fire in the fireplace that was heard, until-

“Who are you talking to?”

She squeezed her eyes even tighter, knowing she was about to lose them. Not even the sound of the fireplace registered.

Her whisper felt like a scream. “Both of you.”

She felt movement and tried to ready herself, knowing they’d let go, want nothing to do with her.

“You’ve fallen in love with both of us?”

“Yes.”

She was ready. She was prepared for the yelling and the screaming and the condemnation. She was not prepared for-

“Okay, and?”

Her head snapped up as her watery eyes sprung open and landed on Henry.

“What do you mean ‘and’?”

“What’s the awful thing that you’ve done?”

“I’ve fallen in love with you, with _both_ of you.”

“Okay… what else?”

She tried to tug her hands out of theirs; neither one let go.

“You think I’m capable of something worse than _that_? What kind of monster do you think I am?”

“You’re not a monster.”

“But-”

“No, Jules.” Henry had begun to breathe a little easier, but only a little. He knew they weren’t out of the woods yet, but at least it wasn’t his worst fear being realized. “You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known.”

Jules couldn’t believe her ears. She didn’t understand why it was that Henry never saw the consequences of the three of them being involved.

“That doesn’t justify me falling in love with both of you!”

Henry had seen Jules like this only one other time, and it had taken her leaving for a walk and coming back to a calm house, and making love, to get her out of her head. This time, she was much more frantic, entrenched in what was going on in her head. He didn’t know what to do. He was relieved when Chris took over.

“From the very beginning you’ve said you’d never choose. You’ve said that at least a million times.”

Jules didn’t like that Chris had chimed in. It wasn’t fair, there being two of them.

“But-”

“I think we don’t have normal circumstances going on here, beautiful.”

“But-”

“Jules, stop.” Chris realized they were in all too familiar a territory, Jules digging in and holding onto a negative thought even when shown there was no need. _I wonder if her mother will ever leave._ “I want you to take a deep breath and try to get your mother out of your head. I know it’s hard, but I can tell she’s in there.”

“She’s right-”

“I don’t care what she’s saying to you or about you right now.” Chris knew he had to remain calm. He softened his tone. “What she thinks isn’t important.”

“But-”

“Jules, I don’t want you to interrupt me.”

She closed her mouth and her jaw stood in clear relief as she clenched it. Henry was amazed at Chris’s control over her.

While he wanted to break through what was going on in her head, Chris knew he needed to remain gentle with her. Her emotions were too high.

“Your mother isn’t here. She’s not part of this relationship. No one else is part of this relationship but us. We’re not doing anything wrong or illegal. Only what the three of us thinks matters.” Chris couldn’t help himself as he wiped her tears away. He wanted to calm her down, get her to see reason. He hoped this was going to work. “I don’t see how love could ever be bad. Love is the best of all the emotions we have. We need you to listen to us, to believe us when we both tell you that it’s okay, that you falling in love with both of us is okay and we don’t hate you and we’re not mad at you. Isn’t that all that matters? Not someone else’s idea of what love is supposed to be, but what it is, to us, isn’t that what’s important?”

“Yes, but…”

Chris gave her ample time to complete her thought. He could see her processing what he’d just said. When she continued, she sounded like she was barely clinging onto what she’d imagined would happen, but hopeful that she’d been wrong.

“I don’t understand why you don’t hate me.”

“Because I could never hate you. Jules, I-” Chris stopped his declaration in time.

Jules was immediately on edge, assuming the worst. “What’s wrong?”

Chris wanted this moment to be just between them. He didn’t want to share it with Henry, no matter how good their friendship was. This was meant for Jules’ ears alone. He looked at Henry and cocked his head towards the kitchen. “I need to talk to Henry, I’ll be right back. Don’t you dare go anywhere.”

Once in the kitchen, they kept their voices low so Jules couldn’t overhear.

“Henry, I want to talk to her, reassure her, but I need to be honest with her to do that so I need to tell her-”

“I don’t want to be there for that.”

Chris was visibly relieved. “Thank you.”

“And I don’t want you there when I tell her.”

“Of course, of course.” He turned to head back into her living room and promptly pivoted back to Henry. “I think all she needs is some reassurance, so I don’t think it’ll take too long. Give me, what, ten? No, five. Give me five minutes, then come in?”

It took a moment, Henry obviously thinking about what was about to happen, knowing Chris was going to tell Jules he was in love with her. He’d been hoping to be the first, but seeing how Jules was reacting, knowing there was more going on in her head than he’d ever seen and Chris had dealt with her like this before, he knew he needed to let him be the one to get her to calm down.  As much as he wanted to stay, to help assuage what was going on in her head, he couldn’t listen in as Chris told her-

“Five minutes, sure. Let me tell her where I’ll be.”

“I can do that.”

“She needs to hear it from me, Chris. She needs to know I’m not leaving her.”

“Good point.”

Henry wondered what her reaction was going to be. He was happy she took it in stride, especially when he told her he was going to be out back. That seemed to calm her quickly and it wasn’t until he was out back that he realized why: he’d have a difficult time sneaking off.

When the door snicked shut behind Henry, Chris tugged on Jules’ hand, urging her to get off the table and come over to him. His kiss was unexpected and overwhelming and passionate. Like so many other times, though, it stopped too soon for Jules’ liking.

“I am very much in love with you, Jules.”

He took advantage of a stunned Jules and kissed her again. Jules was the one to pull away when her brain finally caught up.

“But, you’re supposed to hate me.”

“Not at all.”

“Why not?”

“Why should I?”

“Do you not get that I’ve fallen in love with Henry, too?”

Chris realized he was just giving his knee-jerk reaction of ‘nothing’s wrong’ and it wasn’t working. He decided to try a different approach.

“No, it’s not lost on me. If the circumstances were different I’m sure I’d be upset. You met us both on the same day, you started seeing us at the same time, you’ve said countless times that you won’t choose between us, and Henry’s right: you have a big enough heart.”

“But you don’t fall in love with more than one person.”

“Who says, your mom?”

“Yeah, she’s in there telling me I’m stupid, but it’s more just, I don’t know, people?”

 _Aha, so that_ ' _s the problem._

“Are these the same _people_ you complain about who are nosy and get into other people’s business?”

“I guess. But shouldn’t it at least bother you?”

“It would if I didn’t know about him. It would if you and I had met and started seeing each other before you met him, then I’d think I wasn’t enough for you. The three of us have spent more than an hour or two together. I knew you were falling in love with him.”

“You knew I was falling in love with you?”

“No… I thought you were falling in love with him, just Henry.”

“I made you think I didn’t care about you?”

“No!”

“But-”

“No. Jules, please stop making yourself out to be the bad guy. I didn’t see it, that’s all. I was blind to it. You have done nothing wrong. You’re not a bad person. I don’t hate you. I’m not angry with you.”

“You’re really not angry with me.”

That was what Chris had been waiting for. He heard that she believed him.

“No, not angry. I love you.” He reached over and grabbed her waist, pulling her closer. Chris knew they had maybe a minute before Henry would be coming back in.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“Hear me say what?”

“I love you, Jules.”

He loved her blush but wouldn’t stand for her not looking at him.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

“I didn’t think I’d get this. This is more than I could have ever hoped for.”

Finally, she looked at him. She reached up, the tips of her fingers playing over his mouth.

“I love you, Chris.”

His grin blinded her.

“I love you, too, Jules.”

She wound her arms around his neck as she kissed him, his hum filling her heart, until she heard the back door open and Henry’s footsteps through the kitchen and hastily pulled away.

Try as he might, Chris couldn’t get her to kiss him again.

She stepped back as Henry approached.

“I need to talk to Henry.”

He didn’t want to go. He wanted more time with her, but he knew he needed to return the favor.

“Of course, of course. Let me get out of here, give you two some privacy.”

Henry couldn’t wait for the door to close. The moment he heard the click, he picked Jules up, encouraging her legs to wrap around him. He pivoted and sat on the arm of the couch.

Jules was overwhelmed by what she saw on his face: adoration, devotion-

“I love you, darling.”

Jules didn’t dare to believe him.

“You don’t hate me?”

“Not even close. I’ve been in love with you for a while now. I knew on my first visit I was falling for you.”

“Why didn’t you said anything?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was trying to pressure you, to get you to stop seeing Chris. I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way.”

“You stuck around this whole time? Why would you do that? You must have hated me.”

“No. I loved you. I love you, Jules.”

She couldn’t wait any longer. Jules surged forward into Henry, almost knocking him off balance. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him, albeit briefly, before pulling back just enough. She spoke against his lips, needing to stay connected to him.

“I love you, Henry.”

This time, he kissed her. He took his time, wanting to tear down the wall she’d put up around herself for protection. He hummed his approval when he felt her relax against him. He knew it couldn’t be completely over, her self-doubt. Later, when things had calmed down, he knew they needed to talk, to really talk. He wanted to understand her, help her in any way he could.

For now, all he wanted was to kiss her.

Knowing Chris would be in momentarily, Henry stopped kissing her, needing to tell her, one more time-

“I love you, Jules.”

“I love you, too, Henry.”

It was when Jules glanced up and saw Chris standing in the doorway that they knew they weren’t out of the woods, yet.

“Oh, Chris! You have to know that I love you, too!”

“I know, baby, it’s okay.”

She scrambled off of Henry’s lap, running past Chris, back to her bedroom and slamming the door. The men exchanged a glance and a shake of their heads before checking on her. They found the door locked. Chris drummed his fingers on the door, making barely enough sound.

“Hey beautiful, you want to unlock the door?”

“No. I don’t think I can do this.”

It sounded like she was talking into the door. Henry had an image in his mind of Jules leaning up against it, hoping to feel both of them.

“Do what, darling?”

“The three of us.”

Henry made a conscious decision not to panic until he knew there was something to panic about. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think I can be with the two of you, not at the same time, anyway.”

Neither of the men liked that. They had precious little time available as it was, if they could only ever see her alone, taking turns, they knew it might be impossible.

“Jules, honey, please do me a favor and open the door. We need to talk about this.”

“You know I’m right, Chris.”

“No, I don’t. Come on, open the door, baby.”

Instead, she started talking through the door.

“But see, I’m screwed.” She flung open the door, surprising them. “Like now, I want one of you to hug me and hold me and reassure me that I’m not nuts about all this, but it doesn’t matter who it is except that it does matter because I can’t choose between you and I don’t want you to choose because I don’t want one of you to comfort me and the other one feel left out, and then I feel like I need to include the other one, like when I told Henry that I loved him and then you came in, Chris, and heard me and I felt guilty for not telling you I love you so I had to tell you.”

“Jules-”

This time, for once, she had to get it all out, everything that was going on in her head.

“I don’t want to be constantly second guessing myself: have I split my time evenly between you, have I said ‘I love you’ the same number of times, have I kissed you the same number of times. I don’t want to do that. I want to be able to just be in the moment.”

Henry seized upon her silence. He knew he needed to start taking charge some of the time when it came to what Jules needed from them or she would only ever turn to Chris. He didn’t want that.

“Jules, stop, come here.”

She didn’t move, couldn’t budge from where she was standing.

“Please, come here, darling.”

She looked to Chris, not knowing what she should do.

“You don’t need my permission. Go on.”

Once she took the first step towards Henry, he closed the gap. He kissed the top of her head as they embraced.

“I have an idea, something that I think will take some of the pressure that you’re feeling off of you.”

“Yes, anything.”

“How about this. How about we plan on seeing each other this weekend, like we’d planned. Before then, I think we should see you individually. I think it would be good for the two of us to have some time alone, and for you and Chris to have some time alone.”

“But-”

“Jules, no, listen. Half an hour ago, you thought you’d never see us again and now you know that not only don’t we hate you, that we are, in fact, both in love with you. I think you need time with each of us, to get really comfortable with this change to our relationship. Early on, we said we’d cross the bridge of dealing with emotions and the three of us if they ever came up. They have. But I think, before we start dealing with them as the three of us, we need to deal with them as the two of us, and the two of you. So, who do you want to stick around?”

“No, I can’t be the one to make the decision. You two need to figure that out.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

“Chris and I will go figure that out. Okay? One of us will be back at 4, that’s just under 15 minutes from now. We’ll make this work, darling.”

“Thank you.”

They each gave her a hug and a kiss before they left.

 

* * *

 

 

Jules couldn’t sit still. She hadn’t expected either of them to show up on her door, let alone both of them. They had always been good about respecting her boundaries and she’d assumed that they would this time, too.

_How could I have been so wrong about them?_

She really had thought that they’d be angry with her, that they would never want to see her again.

 _You don_ ' _t deserve either of them. You’re not nearly good enough for them. I cannot believe that you are having sex and you’re not married. And with two men! At the same time! This was not how I raised you! It’s a good thing your father isn’t alive to see you now, he’d be so disappointed in you._

“Thanks, Mom.”

It was on her third-or maybe it was her thirtieth, she really didn’t know-circuit of her house that Jules realized she was pacing. She turned around and headed to her bathroom. A few minutes later she was freshly scrubbed and stepping out of the shower when she heard her front door open.

“I’m back here. Please don’t say anything, just come back.”

She didn’t want to know who it was before she saw him. She was afraid that if she had a few moments of knowing before seeing him, she’d be a little sad it wasn’t the other.

Four thoughts flashed through her mind when she heard the echo of his footfalls in her hallway.

 _It_ ' _s Chris!_

_Oh, I wish Henry were here._

_It_ ' _s Henry!_

_I really wish it was Chris._

It was that last thought that calmed her right down. She’d been questioning her realization, wondering if she was really in love with both men. It had felt right every time she’d said ‘I love Chris’ or ‘I love Henry’ out loud. Her gut had told her that she really did love them both, but it wasn’t until just then that she knew, deep deep down she knew that she did. It was the biggest relief she’d ever felt.

Jules felt him approach from behind and put his arms about her waist. She relaxed into him, her arms covering his. They stayed motionless, feeling each other’s presence and being in the moment as their breathing synchronized.

“So, did you draw the good straw or the bad straw?”

“Beautiful, being with you is only ever the good straw.”


End file.
